If you've ever lost your home...

[Jokarva]

If you've ever lost your home to a fire (or any disaster) what did your friends do that really helped you out?

Our friends lost their entire house to a fire yesterday, they weren't home (thank you God!) so no one was hurt - but only the separate garage is left standing. She is a decorator, the home was simple but beautiful and they'd just had the kitchen remodeled last spring, doing a lot of the work themselves - I'm sick just thinking about it.

I've never been thru something like this, so advice from those of you who have would be appreciated. They are staying in a hotel for now (with their dog) and I've emailed offering clothes, luggage, whatever we have they might need - but I don't know what else to do for them.

They are our age (50ish) with no kids at home, both employed and adequately insured so they'll be ok eventually, we just want to do something that helps them out in the meantime.

Any thoughts? And any prayers you'd like to send their way would be appreciated too. They are such kind and thoughtful folks, I hate this has happened to them.

[deaconjim]

Before my late wife and I married, she lost her home to a fire. She was married to someone else at the time, and they did not have the house insured. Our church donated money, labor, material and time and completely rebuilt the house.

[Loriann1971]

One thing you could do...not immedietly, but down the road...is go on a quest to find pictures of them. Contact other friends, family, anyone that might have pictures of either of them...try and get copies for them. I had a friend that lost everything to a fire and someone did that for her and it meant so much to her.

The other big issue is clothing. Sure things will be replaced down the road, but you need more than one change of clothes today. Even if they have the finances to get clothes, they might be overwhelmed and takign the time to shop isn't always easy.

[deaconjim]

Sorry, I forgot to add my suggestions.

I am assuming they have been able to round up essentials like clothes, etc. Insurance is taking care of their major losses, but there are things insurance won't help with.

Do either of them like to read? A handful of paperbacks might help them to relax occasionally. Some CDs of their favorite musicians could be helpful as well.

There will be lots of work for them to do with regards to banking, bills, etc. that will have to be replaced. A small file box to keep important papers in might be helpful

Most of all, take hints from them. What things are stressing them out (there will be lots of things such as this in the near future)? Think of ways to help alieviate these stressers.

Most of all, pray for them and encourage them. Invite them over for a home cooked meal, or just some time to relax.

[Ohio dreamer]

Invite them over for a home cooked meal, a place to sit down and "stretch out" and conversation that takes their mind off the house.

Can you dog sit so they can do their running around? Most places won't let you leave the dog in the room unattended.

I second the pictures...that's a big deal (or will be once their life settles down a bit).

[mothernature]

We had some neighbors a little ways down the road lose their house to fire. Another neighbor family had room and put them up for a week. My family immediately went out and bought deodorant, toothbrushes, combs, etc.! Luckily this family had a mobile home on the property that was not being rented at the time, they were able to move in with some furniture donations and loans. Someone loaned them their refrigerator that was kept in the barn for cold drinks and stuff. I think ANYTHING you can think of short or long term would be helpful!!

[jamala]

When my cousins house burned she was crying the next night because she didn't have a bible to read to her kids that night. Something they did every night. I know you said they didn't have kids but I tell this story to let you know sometimes it is the simple things they will really miss in the next few days. Like someone else mentioned, books, CD's etc. We also searched through the rubble to find a special cast iron skillet that was handed down to her from grandparents.

[SFM in KY]

The ranch house where I grew up burned down in the early morning after the night of my graduation from high school. I had to go "away" to high school as the local school was just through the 8th grade. My mother taught school in the small town where I went to high school and we had an apartment, as we were 40 miles from the ranch in good weather, 90 miles in bad weather, so couldn't go home except some weekends.

My Dad had come over for graduation, stayed that night, planned to pack the apartment up and take things back that morning when we got word the ranch house had burned.

I don't remember a lot of the details, but do remember some things. The cabin didn't burn, so that's where my parents moved to. It had been used as a bunkhouse/ basement shop for quite a few years and I remember how much mother appreciated several neighbors coming one full day, the men helped carry stuff out and the women brought buckets and cleaning supplies and scrubbed everything down.

Another thing I remember that all three of us appreciated was a freezer that one of the neighbors brought ... ours had burned with all of our meat and frozen vegetables ... and all of the neighbors helped restock it ... meat, frozen vegetables, frozen fruit. My mother's cousin even poached an antelope and brought it to us.

And they helped replace our cast iron cookware ... we didn't have the "hay crew" cooking pots and pans at the apartment with just Mom and I so lost all of the big pots and cast iron skillets.

We didn't lose everything, but when everyone came over to help with the cleanup, they could see what we were going to need and apparantly figured out between them what everyone had "extra" ... and we went on. The hardest things were the family heirlooms that were gone that couldn't be replaced ... quilts, mother's hope chest and her wedding dress ...

[Ann-NWIowa]

We lost our home to a tornado, but fortunately did not lose all our possessions. However, the Red Cross helped everyone out with a ditty bag with a wash cloth, small soap, toothbrush, tooth paste, and comb. These were so welcome because our bathroom had "exploded". It was a huge blessing to be able to wash my face and brush my teeth. We initially stayed in a friend's motor home until it had to go for its own tornado repairs, then in an aunt and uncles camper parked in front of the remains of the house. It was an old camper and did not work so we then stayed in a motel (paid for by insurance) until it was fully booked for the state softball tourney, then with other friends in their home for several weeks. I think it was a week after the tornado when friends who lived out of town invited us to their home to have a bath and wash our hair ... a week in July cleaning up debris ... never was a bath more welcome!! The local water plant was destroyed in the tornado so water was not good for about a month. We were unable to leave town for over a week because both our vehicles were totaled then another friend loaned us a vehicle which we used for at least 3 months. Men from our church arrived the day after the tornado with plastic to cover holes in the roof and the caved in back of the house. A Mennonite relief group helped move our remaining goods into storage at a couple of different friends homes. They also helped with debris clean up including cutting up and hauling several large trees. The worse part of the whole thing was probably dealing with our insurance company and various .gov entities. Not losing our pictures was huge. Many of our neighbors lost absolutely everything. This was an F-5 and it swept a path through town taking homes/churches/school/businesses (including phone service & water treatment) away. This was before cell phones so communication was hugh problem.

Things I appreciated most were kindness and offers of help. I think inviting your friends for a quiet meal once a week would be much appreciated. Help them replace household goods by going shopping with them. Its a huge undertaking replacing everything at one time so an extra pair of hands and eyes would be comforting and helpful. If the husband had a lot of tools, have him look thru yours to help him list everything. If some of the items that need replaced are hard to find items, offer to search online or thru antique/thrift/junk stores for what they need. In fact, letting them go thru your home room by room might help them remember everything they need to replace. If they have replacement insurance, cost should not be an issue.

Collecting pictures suggested above would also be wonderful although if they have family around that might be a better project for them.

[Queen Bee]

I have had two friends who lost their homes. Both were well covered w/ insurance. The insurance companies paid for a rental while the house was being rebuilt. They were given a check for clothes and personal items needed for every day stuff as well as furniture, dishes --just about everything they really needed.. So, we gave them 'pounding showers' --For flour, sugar, spices etc--all thoses little things that add up--- after they were ready to move back in...

[Rainy]

How about some gift cards also for their fav.places to eat, maybe even a gas card or two so while they are out having to take of things,they can stop and just have a nice or quick meal.

[whiterock]

I've posted this before, when my house burned I was teaching and the EX was working at the school as an aide. The school threw us a shower, just as if we were getting married, we called it a Phoenix Shower, as a home was rising out of the ashes. They had us register at different stores, and pick out things that we would be going to buy anyway. This helped a great deal in setting up house again. We were able to rent a house close by that belonged to high school friends of mine, they gave us the first two months rent. The cast iron came out of the ashes rusty, but some wire brushes on a drill cleaned em off good, and they are back in service in my house now. Ex left most everything behind when she left.

Clothes, underwear, toiletries, the basics are most needed. Even things so mundane as nail clippers. Just look at what you use daily and never think about,, those are the things actually needed right now. Immediate needs were met with cash and checks to buy clothing, donations of dishes, cookware (including a really good cast iron skillet), bedding, were most helpful as well as canned goods, staples, etc. NOt having to go grocery shopping after we moved in the rent house took more worries away.

DS had just turned 14, one set of teacher friends decided to make him their pet project, got him cd player, cds, etc that kids want/think they need. Best friend was out with me digging thru ashes for what could be salvaged, helped move the donated furniture in to the house, stayed beside me close and tight for the first couple of weeks. He looked to see what we had or didn't have and made it a mission to find it.

They are going to be VERY tired. daily tasks as usual, MAJOR shopping trips, setting up to rebuild, etc. Little things mean a lot here.

Ed

A quiet place to go for a home cooked meal is great, we left the motel at night and went to my best friends house for supper and just to sit out on the porch or watch tv and be "at home".

[Kazahleenah]

When my house burned things that meant the most and were mostly needed were food (and ways to cook it)... invites to dinner on occassions, clothes, a hot shower, a day to just visit friend(s)... I'd give my eyeteeth for my pictures back. But once the bare essentials are taken care of... (food, clothing, shelter) then the emotional needs come into play.

[Sonshine]

Think of every day things. Someone mentioned things like toothbrushes, deoderant, shampoos, etc. Most people will donate clothes and food, but forget about the everyday essentials. Also, as many have said, pictures. I think that's always hard, because you can't just go to the store and replace pictures.

[mare]

we lost our house to fire when i was a young child, i will never forget the kindness everybody showed our family (its been 48 yrs). the pictures are a wonderful idea. the invites for a homecooked meal too. i am glad they are safe but it is gonna be emotionally draining for them they are lucky to have friends like you. do you think maybe having a benefit would help? (if they have insurance ect it might help just to show support for them)

[7thswan]

Our Friend lost their house, with their pets just a bit back. I asked for sugestions on here and got alot of suggestions. At Dh's work(and the man who had the fire ) everyone got together and had a raffle and dh also had people donate cash for meals I sent in. They had decided to rebuild and Dh and I go over there and do what we can, even if it's just checking in to see them, they seem to appreciate that most of all.

[suzyhomemaker09]

One of the gifts we received after our house fire was a nice laundry basket with laundry supplies in it...
People from our children's school PTA brought us dinners for a week or two..that was rather nice also.

[Jokarva]

Thanks everyone.

We're having them over Thursday for dinner and I'm going to have them "shop the house" while they're here. They can go thru and pick out things they might need or just stuff to keep their minds occupied. Thankfully I have multiples of everything - sometimes being a tiny bit of a hoarder comes in handy!

[Jokarva]

Thanks everyone.

We're having them over Thursday for dinner and I'm going to have them "shop the house" while they're here. They can go thru and pick out things they might need or just stuff to keep their minds occupied. Thankfully I have multiples of everything - sometimes being a tiny bit of a hoarder comes in handy!

[Jokarva]

Oops - sorry, double post!