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05/13/10, 09:22 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,222
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How do you politely turn a friend down?
I have a friend who asked me to watch her mom and cook her lunch for the next month. Her mom is a fall risk and needs constant supervision.
Here is the problem. Her house is a catastrophe. She has 20 little dogs who potty on the floor and have for the past 10 years that they have lived there. It smells horendous, the floor is sticky with dog urine, turds are kicked against the wall if they happen to be in the walking area. It stifles you when you walk into their house. You can't breathe in their house.
I just can't take my kids over there, I can't stand going over there.
How do I politely turn her down?
__________________
Sarah Patterson
M & L Farm
Lamanchas, lamancha cross, Sable and Sable cross
You can also find us on facebook! M&L Farm
http://www.mandllamanchas.com *UPDATED*
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05/13/10, 09:24 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Lake Station
Posts: 14,761
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Um...seriously? Nobody should be living in that situation!!! You need to contact animal control, and get that elder out of that living situation too...!!
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It's not that I don't like mankind, I just like nature a whole lot more.
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05/13/10, 09:25 PM
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I'd just say that I already had plans for that day. Or "things are really crazy around here right now" always works for me!
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05/13/10, 09:26 PM
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Big Front Porch advocate
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Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 44,406
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To much going home to allow me to make such a commitment.
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"Live your life, and forget your age." Norman Vincent Peale
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05/13/10, 09:27 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: VA
Posts: 6,971
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Just say that you appreciate the thought but you just cannot manage it with your children. End of conversation.
After all, it is true.
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05/13/10, 09:37 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 5,739
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Sometimes its necessary to be fairly frank. Not nasty rude, but frank. Tell her the house is not someplace you care to go and that you absolutely cannot take your children in there. Suggest she have meals on wheels deliver (if available in your area) and the County Nurse or Homemaker check on her well being. Or better yet suggest her mother might benefit from being in a supervised living facility for the month so she has the constant care she needs. Your friend will likely see thru any half baked excuses so you might as well be honest.
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This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.
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05/13/10, 09:40 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,222
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The county where we live doesn't have animal control, the sheriffs department would just check the condition of the animals and that is fine. The elderly woman actually owns the house. Long story. While I agree no one should live like that, heck I freak out if the cat arfs up a hairball on my floor!
Quote:
Originally Posted by NickieL
Um...seriously? Nobody should be living in that situation!!! You need to contact animal control, and get that elder out of that living situation too...!!
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__________________
Sarah Patterson
M & L Farm
Lamanchas, lamancha cross, Sable and Sable cross
You can also find us on facebook! M&L Farm
http://www.mandllamanchas.com *UPDATED*
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05/13/10, 09:44 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 672
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She wants you to do her a favor for the entire month? That's a little extreme. And a huge commitment of your time. Methinks she should check out home health or adult daycare.
You could be totally honest and tell her that you're appalled and disgusted about the cleanliness. She could be one of those totally oblivious types and needs a wake up call.
In any case, the house is a safety hazard. Hantavirus anyone?
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05/13/10, 09:49 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Bartow County, GA
Posts: 6,746
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Call your County Health Department. This is a health hazzard and needs to be taken care of. It is not a county animal control issue. It does not matter who owns the house.
At the very least, all law enforcement in your area an have them do a welfare check. I guarantee when they see the condition you spoke of, they'll take it from there.
However painful - the woman needs to be told the truth.
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Only she who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible
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05/13/10, 09:57 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 317
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I'm in favor of the least info given, the best-preserved the friendship: "I'm touched that you'd consider me, but unfortunately I wouldn't be able to do it." (But why not?) "I'm sorry. I won't be able to do it. I'm honored you thought of me." (But I don't know what to do) "I'm so sorry. But I won't be of assistence here." (But I'm COUNTING on you. There's nobody else!) "Thank you...however I won't be able to assist."
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05/13/10, 09:57 PM
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Moderator
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: Ontario
Posts: 12,674
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Just say NO. Your friend already knows why.
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Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup........
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05/13/10, 09:57 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,222
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Wolf Mom-i will do that, the condition of the house haunts me. We will see if the county will do something, this county is in such a mess, but that is another story.
__________________
Sarah Patterson
M & L Farm
Lamanchas, lamancha cross, Sable and Sable cross
You can also find us on facebook! M&L Farm
http://www.mandllamanchas.com *UPDATED*
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05/13/10, 10:46 PM
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Original recipe!
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: NC foothills
Posts: 13,983
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If for no other reason, then good old fashioned 'fear of a lawsuit' should do it.
If something - anything were to happen to her while under your supervision they could nail you to the wall!!
And tell her just that.. in this litigous age I do not feel comfortable having that level of responsibility. You need to hire someone with an insurance policy in place that covers this situation.
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05/13/10, 10:54 PM
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,782
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Merit
I'm in favor of the least info given, the best-preserved the friendship: "I'm touched that you'd consider me, but unfortunately I wouldn't be able to do it." (But why not?) "I'm sorry. I won't be able to do it. I'm honored you thought of me." (But I don't know what to do) "I'm so sorry. But I won't be of assistence here." (But I'm COUNTING on you. There's nobody else!) "Thank you...however I won't be able to assist."
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I love this technique of gently repeating myself until the other person
hears it...Works with kids , hubby and others 
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05/13/10, 10:59 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: N.E. Oklahoma
Posts: 3,676
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No need to be rude or mean, just simply say that you cannot do it. Repeat as necessary.
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05/13/10, 11:18 PM
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In Remembrance
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: South Central Kansas
Posts: 11,076
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I'm sorry, I would not be comfortable providing care for someone with so much risk of falling, etc.
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05/13/10, 11:27 PM
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,782
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Why is the daughter not concerned about her mom's living situation...
I don't know how old the mom is but there is a point where children
should be responsible that their parents are living in a safe and
healthy environment....
Not to mention that the 20 dogs deserve better...
I would decline the request for help but tell her you would be glad to help find homes for the dogs....
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05/13/10, 11:34 PM
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Illinois
Posts: 8,249
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You say, "No," then you call elder services. Your friend is being neglectful of her mom. The best thing you could do would be to help your friend find someone to clean the house. Your friend is risking elder abuse charges. I'm sorry if I am coming off too strongly but if a mandated reporter ever visits the house they'll have to report the situation. This is not a healthy or safe place for your friend's mother. I hope children are not living in the home.
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Moms don't look at things like normal people.
-----DD
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05/13/10, 11:36 PM
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 1,782
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joshie
You say, "No," then you call elder services. Your friend is being neglectful of her mom. The best thing you could do would be to help your friend find someone to clean the house. Your friend is risking elder abuse charges. I'm sorry if I am coming off too strongly but if a mandated reporter ever visits the house they'll have to report the situation. This is not a healthy or safe place for your friend's mother. I hope children are not living in the home.
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Very well said!!!
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05/13/10, 11:41 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 3,232
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Why doesn't the daughter take care of her mom??? Or a combination of her and her siblings? That's the first choice and someone needs to step up to the plate.... The financial liability isn't up to you - the health risks with all those dogs and the falling down problem - I just see all sorts of things that could go wrong.. Just say no and repeat as often you feel....
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