Oggie - What happens to the evil when a cat . . .

[Michael W. Smith]

What happens to the evil when a cat uses up it's nine lives?

I'm just wondering as on the way to work today, the car in front of me swerved quickly (but apparently not fast enough) as when I came up to the "swerve area" there was a body laying on the berm of the road.

As I passed it, I noticed it was a cat. (Poor thing!)

I imagine the person who hit it has been cursed for the rest of their lives. (The cat as it entered the beyond, didn't seem to be very pleased. It's tail was rapidly twitching and I'm sure the last thoughts of the cat were on cursing it's killer for all eternity.)

So Oggie, where does the evil go?

[7thswan]

They pass it out to the other ones left behind.

[Oggie]

It depends on how fast the person was driving and just how hard they hit it.

If someone is driving fast and hits it square, often the evil is stunned, and before it can come too, the drive is long gone.

The evil just hangs around for a while and waits for someone in a convertible or someone with their windows or fresh air vents open and jumps on in. This is why you should always roll your windows up and turn your vents off if you happen to see a dead cat. One can never be too safe.

If someone cuts you off in traffic or won't get off their call phone long enough to order at a drive-through window, you know where the evil probably ended up.

Now, if you tend to drive slow, you'd probably better do your best to avoid cats altogether. Sometimes, If you have a Bible handy, you can swat the evil out of the air if you react quickly. But, if you don't have to reflexes to drive fast, you probably won't have much luck with that, either.

It would probably be better just to take a good, loyal dog with you when you drive. Have you ever noticed how they like to stick their heads out the window as you motor along? That's so that they can more easily spot danger.

Blessed beasts.

[wy_white_wolf]

I thought temperature played a roll in there too. When it's real cold the evil freezes in the cat. That's why Hell is so hot as the evil likes it. Come spring all that evil thaws out and infects all the plants around it. They in turn spew out all that pollen to give people hay fever.

[Madame]

My cats are pure and innocent. All five curl up on my bed at night and purr me to sleep. Cats everyone must be shamed by their aberrant behavior.

[Scott in Florida Panhandl]

Originally Posted by Madame

My cats are pure and innocent. All five curl up on my bed at night and purr me to sleep. Cats everyone must be shamed by their aberrant behavior.

They're faking and just waiting for the right opportunity to present itself.

[arcticow]

Dear Mr. Oggie, is it true that folks used to dispose of cats inside burlap bags because wet burlap keeps the EVIL in? Thanks for your answer!

[Oggie]

The whole burlap thing is one of those urban myths.

It's a misunderstanding by folks who do not realize that sackcloth and the burlap that bags are made of are not the same thing.

Camel hair clothing will offer some protection from cat evil, but you have to wear it.

No matter what you put a cat in, if it gets wet, it will probably spit evil.

That evil gets into the water and will cause you to survey all that is your kingdom from a porcelain throne should you drink it.

[Jenn]

I have been playing grab tail with devil kitty tonight. DD and wonder dog got scratched and I am now afraid to go to sleep- even if I shut my door she can open it or hide under the bed until later.

[arcticow]

Dear Mr. Oggie, Is the evil in and around cats what has caused folks to use a dead one to remove warts? If removing warts is a GOOD thing,then how does the cat evil help? Thank you.

[Oggie]

Unfortunately, again, this is bad information.

The basic idea of this folk remedy is that you go to a graveyard with a dead cat, looking for the devil. When you hear a noise, you toss the dead cat at it, hoping it is the devil and it will grab the dead cat and the wart will follow.

This basically makes no sense. Evil has left the dead cat and because the devil is a vegetarian (one of the punishments imposed by God), the devil would have no use for a rotting cat corpse.

It’s fairly easy to be confused. Warts are portals for evil. You’ll see them on your typical bad witch, usually in a fairly obvious location. Rarely will you find one that’s easily seen on a good witch. But the evil in the devil is almost always more than anyone with a wart might contain. So, chances are that evil from the devil would flow into a person with a wart through that portal.

If you want to risk removing warts with cats, you will need a fresh kitten (you might need more than one). Kittens are born fairly innocent but, being cats, they crave evil. You need to find a kitten that craves evil so much that it will want to pull it from you faster than the wart portal is able to accommodate.

In other words, the desire for evil on the part of the kitten and its capacity to store that evil needs to be greater than the ambient evil within your soul and the transfer rate through the wart (DE x CES > AE/WTR where DE=the kitten’s desire for evil, CES=the kittens capacity for evil storage, AE=wart-bearer’s ambient evil, and WTR=the rate of transfer of evil through the wart portal).

The idea is that the flow of evil will outstrip the transfer rate of the wart portal and the flow of evil will increase to the point that it pulls off the wart.

This works fairly well in theory.

Unfortunately, many people often underestimate the ability of the wart portal to transfer evil and the portal is stressed, but not completely overloaded. The result is often a very tall wart. Then, you’re left with the option of either dressing it up and trying to pass it off as your conjoined twin, or whacking it with a ball peen hammer until you drive the evil back into your soul.

[FarmerChick]

WOW
WOW

what is this with Oggie and cats---HAHA---reading it becomes more confusing..lol

seems strange and yet I can't seem to put my finger on the cat thing yet......Oggie do you love cats?

[tinknal]

Originally Posted by Oggie

In other words, the desire for evil on the part of the kitten and its capacity to store that evil needs to be greater than the ambient evil within your soul and the transfer rate through the wart (DE x CES > AE/WTR where DE=the kitten’s desire for evil, CES=the kittens capacity for evil storage, AE=wart-bearer’s ambient evil, and WTR=the rate of transfer of evil through the wart portal).

I like you Oggie, but Dude.............................. You aint right in the hed...............

[Wolf mom]

Darn....I can't find the picture of Oggie holding THE CAT. Very telling - or did I let the proverbial cat out of the bag?

[beccachow]

Dear Oggie: Do you think Edgar Allen Poe's "The Black Cat" was based on actual events?

[Oggie]

Originally Posted by beccachow

Dear Oggie: Do you think Edgar Allen Poe's "The Black Cat" was based on actual events?

No, Poe was starkers.

He should have eaten more crab cakes and drank less.

[gone-a-milkin]

Dear Oggie,

My question is about cat hair. Is it true that some remnant of the evil is attached to each hair they shed? If so, is it in the hair shaft, the follicle end, or other? That hair seems magnetized towards certain people, could you explain this phenomenon?

[arcticow]

NOW, now , let's not dis Mr. Oggie... anybody who is intelligent enough to know the equation for cat evil, portal input or output rates And the various rates of attraction between cat VS. devil evil , simply must be admired.

[FarmerChick]

I think Oggie was a cat in a past life??????

[BUDSMOM]

i have heard if you eat a cat hair it turns into a pinworm.