sometimes around the holidays i wonder..

[ronbre]

why some people have to be alone..you know how they sometimes say that the only great guys are either married or gay..well that just so isn't true.

I am drawn to thinking about my son this time of year..he works 12 hours days ..afternoons and evenings..and he has spent the past 5 years caring for a little girl..7..while his exgirlfriend, the girls mom..was skipping out on him..she finally got caught using drugs and ended up losing her daughter and moving in with one of her other boyfriends..so my son found himself alone with the holidays coming on.

i can see how much it hurts..he is the kinda of great guy that always looked out for the forlorn and lost..like bringing home stray animals..with too big a heart for his own good. Always spending his money to pay other people's rent or medical bills, doing stuff for the needy etc.

He's nearly 35, has his own home, can rebuild anything from scratch, tall, nice build and good looking (although he does wear very long hair). Doesn't drink or smoke, and even can bbq up a storm..but he works such awful hours that he hasn't got an opportunity to meet people.

He loves outdoor activities, and really would love to be a dad..never been married..only had 3 girlfriends and all were "strays".

Is it wrong for a mother to wish that she could find a decent honest girl for her son? Hey if any in Michigan know a good one..send her over..he would be one of the best catches of the century..tee hee..but that isn't just a mom talking..even his past girlfriends kick them selves for how they treated him..but he is too smart to get taken in again by them.

No, it isn't wrong! I'm sure he'll find a lovely lady eventually. Everything happens in its own time. He sounds like a nice catch to me. Unfortunately I'm happily married!

He sounds a lot like my husband. I remember when he proposed to me, my parents really only had one major concern, and that was that he had been engaged twice before. After being engaged the girls ended up breaking it off. My parents thought he went around proposing to everyone, and there must be something wrong with him if it kept happening. What I later found out was that these others girls eventually got ticked that he spent so much time with his family, volunteering, and work and little time spoiling them. This is what I think is his best quality! He always thinks of others first, and always wants to help and make things better.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that not everyone has the same image as to what a guy should be. THE girl will eventually show up. When is the only question.

((((HUGS)))) to you and your son! Pray for him to find his soulmate. It will happen eventually!

[Mid Tn Mama]

I believe you are right! Even if he weren't so nice looking and had a nice build--he would still be a catch. I have a friend who never married--was always a big girl--but she would have made a wonderful wife and mom. The problem with looking at all that glitters is that it usually isn't gold.

As for the long hair--that could be a turnoff for many girls who are looking for a stable husband. We know a mountain man looking guy who never trimmed his beard or hair (although they were clean) He was totally grey and the combination made him look positively creepy. He couldn't pay women to date him.

His daughter got married and insisted his hair be cut to a reasonable length and that his beard be trimmed. He cut the beard off totally.

Wow! what a transformation--looked clean cut and respectable. VERY shortly afterwards he met a nice woman.

[Bearfootfarm]

Wow! what a transformation--looked clean cut and respectable.

So did Ted Bundy. It helped him get close to his victims
Dont get hung up on outward appearances

[wildwanderer]

Some women appreciate that mountain man look, if my husband shaved his beard we would have an issue. Do you really want someone for your son who is attracted to the superficial, probably would never be a real strong relationship. You want him to find a partner, someone who is attracted to his whole self. Give him time, my husband was 43 when we met and I am so glad he waited for me because he is perfect. Your son will find who he is suppose to meet when he is suppose to meet her.

But no its not wrong for you to want him to find that someone soon, because you want your son to be appreciated by someone else as much as you appreciate him. That is extremely understandable. I hope he finds her soon. Take care - Thea

[anniew]

I think you told us yourself why he doesn't find a mate....works 12 hours a day!!!!

I am happy to be alone...some people are...but if I found a soul-mate, I'd want him around more than a 12 hour work day would allow.

And your concern about the hair...what a superficial way to judge a person.

[newfieannie]

I feel the same way about my son(and he is a mountain man) i wish he had someone but he seems to be very happy with his 3 dogs. i dont know if any woman would want 3 big dogs in the house. he has never been married. all of his friends have been though and are now divorced. that could be why he stays single. i guess i should be careful what i wish for.

as for being gone 12 hours working. my husband was away for months at a time. maybe that's why my life with him was one long honeymoon.~Georgia.

[soulsurvivor]

Originally Posted by ronbre

..he is the kinda of great guy that always looked out for the forlorn and lost..like bringing home stray animals..with too big a heart for his own good. Always spending his money to pay other people's rent or medical bills, doing stuff for the needy etc.

He's nearly 35, has his own home, can rebuild anything from scratch, tall, nice build and good looking (although he does wear very long hair). Doesn't drink or smoke, and even can bbq up a storm..but he works such awful hours that he hasn't got an opportunity to meet people.

Almost 5 years ago, this was my own son. He really wanted to meet a nice woman, get married and have a family. So he prayed to God to help make that happen for him. Within a month, he met and married a widow with 2 young children who needed a dad, and within the few years since, they've had 2 children of their own. The son is now very happy with a full home and full life. When his life gets busy and crazy, he'll laugh and say, "yes, think long and hard before you pray and ask God for something because God does have a good sense of humor."

[painterswife]

What is a catch for one person is not for another.

It took me until I was 39 to find my husband. He was 40 and having the same hard time finding someone. Luckily we waited and found what the person we needed and not the person who we thought we wanted. It was a hard and lonely wait but I know that it was worth it every day. Don't rush him.

[ronbre]

my son is far from the "mountain man" look...more like just long blonde hair which is generally in a pony tail..and a small bit of hair on his face..but not mountain man..


this is a photo of him last year with his xgirlfriends daughter..you can see how much he loved that little girl ..she was with him for 5 years while the xgirlfriend was going out and partying with other men and drugs..he couldn't bear to see her hurt..but now she is with her own daddy.


this is him last summer when we were transplanting a tree into his backyard

[ronbre]

as for the 12 hours a day, that is volunatary right now as they need him so badly at work, they were just bought out by the chinese and 30 % of the workforce was immediately fired, the end of October..so he is working on the remodeling of the shop..and getting it ready for the new owners to be happy with it now.

but he does work afternoons, which makes dating hard. And having taken care of Katelin for the last 5 years while building his home, he wasn't really much of a catch for anyone either..cause he wouldn't throw her out on the street.. when her mom went in rehab the courts awarded custody of Katelin to her father..so that left Joel very alone.

He built the house for Katlein and her mother, but her mother turned out to be a not so sweet girl..and no he isn't looking for the perfect woman..her mom was disabled in 2 ways when they met besides turning into a drug addict and ----..after they had only been together for less than a year.

but he still protected her daughter for 4 more years after that..until her dad could get custody...that's what i mean, he is just the sweetest most caring and loving guy i have ever met.

[Mid Tn Mama]

Ronbre: Your son is definately a fine looking man--in addition to having many wonderful qualities which are more important than looks. I hope no one thought I was implying people should judge others superfically. In the case of the gentleman I told you about, his white hair and beard was not well-kempt. You could not see his face (he posted his picture on computer dating sites) and his uncombed beard was to his belly-button. Yes, there are people who like or look past the zz top look. But for many women THAT HE MET, first impressions mean the difference. It's not the way I am, but I see that many are. I agree that that kind of superficiality doesn't lead to happiness. Seeing people for who they are is most important.

I think Ronbre, you are right, his hours make it hard to socialize. Is he involved in any activities that bring him in contact with others with the same interests? As for working evenings, I know that in the last city I lived, firefighters, nurses, emts, police and others with night shifts used to meet for breakfast at a certain restaurant. Many romances started there.

Your son won't be single long if he has those attributes. He just needs to get out more among women who are single.

[Minimomma]

hmmm, wish he was about 20 years older! I like long hair on men and the mountainman look.

[piglady]

Most people find a mate where they spend their time, either at work or at their hobby. If he works with guys and has no free time, that could be your problem. He sounds like he would be great at volunteer work if he had time and would meet some lady that is there also volunteering. What ever he is into, find a group or public place to do that and before long, he will find himself enjoying the company of a nice lady who shares his interest.

[ronbre]

his 3 girlfriends were from where he works..but that wasn't the best place for him to meet girls. He does have a female "friend" ..not girlfriend...that he is also helping to take care of right now..and yes she does have a child..a 2 yr old son..they have been really good friends for a long time and she broke her back in a roll over accident labor day weekend..they aren't romantically involved..he just goes over and does things for her..helps her pay her rent and helped her replace her totalled vehicle..she had no insurance and no job now cause she isn't able to work, she can't get unemployment and isn't able to sue the car that hit her..cause her insurance had expired cause they had been laid off most of the previous year (Joel too)..before the Chinese bought the co.

he even loaned her christmas decorations so her son's first "memorable" christmas wouldn't be without some color..

he has even offered to let her come and stay in his 2 spare rooms he has if she loses her apartment..

that is what i mean about "too nice for his own good" sometimes...he also has a friend..guy ...staying in his basement so he isn't homeless as his job is only 3 days a week right now..

Michigan employment sucks

[Jennifer L.]

No advice for you, Ronbre, but just wanted to say you certainly raised a very nice son. I hope things work out for him the way he would like them to. He sounds like an absolute catch for some lucky girl!

Jennifer