In need of optimism!

[northgirl]

My family and I recently moved(4months ago) from northern B.C to Southern B.C. The reason was to be closer to family. Normally I am a *glass is half full* type of person but I just can't seem to feel that way about this move. Logically this is more desirable, great weather, great gardening, nice people, ocean view ect. But I MISS the rugged wild north that I came from! I started with good ideas but it seems that everyday I cry a little more. Has anyone else had this experience? I want to be grateful but it seems so hard, please help!!

[Bonnie L]

I have - twice. The first move was, fortunately, temporary, but awful. We had high hopes for the job & the only good thing that happened was having my first baby. But I cried a lot. Things got better when we moved back home.

The 2nd time was the move I initiated to where we are now. The first year was hell. I found out that I missed my parents & old friends more than I thought I would. I fell into a deep depression & needed medical help to get out of that hole. But things got better. Made friends & put down roots. It's been over 8 years now & we don't plan on ever leaving.

Hope you make it thru the hard part.

[house06]

As a military wife of 16 years, 10 moves and 12 homes,I felt that way several times! Our motto was always " if given lemons- make lemonade" I still feel a little negative even after now living in Kentucky for 8 years. I really really miss living in the South!.

I promise it will get better. The very best advice that I can give you is go out and make friends immediately as in yesterday! I promise things will look brighter especially if each day you make it a point to focus on what is positive about your new home and area.

And remember, I learned this the hard way, your feelings and emotions will project onto your family so try to stay positive. Especially if you have children at home. Sometimes they feel a little guilty if they really like a new home/area and you do not.

Maybe, you can put together a special memories box with a collection of special memories of your old home and look at those only when you are feeling especially happy. This will remind you of the good memories you had before and help you anticipate the memories and good feelings you will have in your new home. Maybe you could even begin a new special memories box and when you have a extraordinarily special day in your new home- it can go in your new memory box.

Hang in there- sometimes it can take at least a year before you feel even comfortable where you are. As the time passes please let everyone know how things are progressing.

Merry Christmas!

[Country Lady]

You've been given some good advice so I won't repeat. I will tell you how moving across country several times effected me. It was harder for me than for DH. He had a job waiting for him. I had to get out and beat the bushes in a strange place with strange people. It took almost 2 years with each move for it to feel like home, but living in each place for a while and putting down roots, I didn't want to leave when it got time for the next move. Hang in there. Take every opportunity to meet new people and learn the new place you're in. It will get better.

[cindy-e]

There is a socialogical curve called the "culture shock curve" that people talk about when you move to another country, but I think it applies to most moves. It is called a curve because that is what it looks like if you graph it. Basically it says that you move, at first you are very excited about all of the possibilities, have grand plans, love the place, see only the good. In fact the place is better than it actually is (in your mind). If you didn't want to move, you sometimes skip this part of the curve. The next part is a huge dip into the "this stinks!" mentality. "I hate it here." "I want to go home". Everything is WORSE than it actually is (in your mind). (Incidentally, this usually happens at about the 6 month mark, and lasts for 3 to 6 months). SO after that, you start to come to "acceptance", you start to be pragmatic about the good and the bad of the place. In short, you see reality and you become OK with it. There are things that you can do to cause that to happen, like has been suggested above. (Go meet people, involve yourself in a group, do something with others that you love.)
So I guess what I am trying to say is that what you are experiencing is completely normal, and with a little effort on your part, it should pass? Unless you do what lots of people do, and give up and leave during the low part of the curve.
I hope this helps. Sometimes good information helps me feel better. I hope it will you too.
Cindyc.

[mamita]

I love what Cindyc said. otherwise.......I only have hugs. hang in there. ((HUGS))

[naturelover]

Hi Northgirl, I understand how you're feeling. I felt the same way when I moved from northern BC to the lower mainland. South BC just has a different energy to it compared to north. One of the things I found really helped was exploring - taking weekend day-trips to places close to the mountains and rivers, lakes, etc. and going on nature-walks.

I don't know if you've noticed yet but southern BCers do a tremendous amount of recreational walking and there's lots of natural places all over the lower mainland set up to accomodate the bikers and walkers (and their dogs). There's all the beaches, dikes, trails along rivers and lakes, parks and wildlife sanctuaries, the hotsprings out at Harrison, gardens like Minter's and Van Dusen's, UBC Research Forest, small touristy resort towns, fishing villages.

[Nellie]

Northgirl, I'm sorry. We moved from Colorado 3 years ago, and I *still* wish we could move back. I miss it so much. But when I really think about it, it wouldn't be the same if we moved back. What I really want is to go back in *time*, I guess. A lot of hard things have happened since we moved. But I really miss the gorgeous Colorado weather. Especially during the grey, rainy days for weeks on end here in the Northwest.

((((hugs))))

[sheepish]

I grew up where you are now and still miss it after 35 years.

Just remember that the rainy coastal areas are a major place for SAD (seasonal affective disorder). It might be in part the lack of sunshine that is affecting your mood. But there is still some coming through the clouds. It just doesn't penetrate your house very well.

Get outside and get moving whenever you can. Do as the natives do. Don't let the rain stop you. Get boots, raincoat and umbrella and go.

[Murron]

Wow. Cindy - That is some great stuff!

northgirl - I went through the same thing. {{{hugs}}}

Going on three years out here, and life is good.

[Terri]

I moved from California to the Midwest. I went from mountains on the horizon and mountains just a bike ride away, to ground so flat I got CLAUSTROPHOBIA because I could only see a few hundred feet away: I could only see to the next tiny rise in the ground.

I really DID get used to it! And, the Midwest has been a VERY! good place for us to live!

[Wisconsin Ann]

You've received great understanding and advice from what I've read. I'm going to add a bit more (we moved a LOT when I was young, and I've continued the trend as an adult...sometimes my wish, sometimes not...)

Once a week, go somewhere in your neighborhood that's new. Make it a MUST DO item. check out a different grocer. Find a local park to go walking in. Make a photo journal of what's in the area....sounds like you like the wild outdoors. If you're near the coast go check out tidal pools.

Buy tourist books about your area and go check out what THEY say to do! Treat yourself as a tourist....take a friend/relative and go find a cool coffee/tea shop in your town Find out what is SPECIAL about the area. (there's always something unique)

http://www.hellobc.com/en-CA/default.htm is a great place to start. Did you know that Vancouver is to host the 2010 Olympic and Paralympic Winter Games? WOW!

As sheepish said (or rather, my version of it)...this time of year SUCKS in southern BC because of the low sunlight and the rains as far depression. I lived in Seattle for a while and discovered people in the area don't tan...they RUST! But it does make for great wonderful greenery and the gardens are fantastic.

[northgirl]

Thank you all for your kind words. After reading everything I think two things are happening to me...a bad dose of self pity and a lack of sun!! I will hang in there and hopefully someday I will feel comfortable and content.
God Bless all of you!