My brother was...(sad)

[momlaffsalot]

11 years ago today, my brother Dean died. He was 28. I’d spent the last week and a half with him in the hospital; we all thought he might get to come home one more time-that he would rally, and be okay, but as the week went on, he got worse. He ended up in ICU on a breathing machine. The first time I saw him like that, they had his hands bound to the bed. Out of everything, that made me cry for the first time. He was drugged up something fierce, but making jerky movements sporadically. I went to him to hold his hand and felt him calm when I said his name. I leaned down and whispered into his ear to not pull the breathing tube out of his throat so they could untie him and we could have this time together. The next time I saw him, he was sitting up somewhat, still on life support, but with bright eyes. We spent 6 days in ICU-I would get in the bed with him and watch Star Trek, or I would sit next to his bed and read him passages from the bible that I thought he would find comforting. I remember one time looking up from my reading and he was staring at me. I asked if everything was okay and he nodded. I asked if he needed to tell me something and he held has hands wide apart-“so much to tell you” he was saying to me.
The day he died, he asked for pen and paper and wrote something, then went into a coughing fit that brought staff into the room and us out of it. They got him calmed and I went outside for a few minutes. About fifteen minutes later a nurse ran to me and said you better come now. I ran to his room and there were my step father on one side of the bed, my mother on the other and staff surrounding him. I stood for a minute, listening to the beeps of the heart monitor become farther and farther apart. He was dieing. I went to him and lay my head next to his, my tears ran down his face as if we were crying together and I whispered that I loved him and would honor his life with my own, a promise I am doing my best to keep. As we loved him out of this world, we told him everything was okay and that we would see him later, to go and be peaceful. I remember my stepdads voice telling him not to worry about our tears, they were just selfish tears because we would miss him so.
We all drove home and once there, someone asked the last thing he had written was. My stepdad pulled out the note and on it were the words ‘Angel. Am eager.’ Those words were a tremendous comfort over the years.
Dean and I lived through a brutal childhood, just horrible. We were best friends, we were each others cheerleader, and we were each others healers. Together we decided we would not continue the abuse we were subjected to, that we would not allow that into our adult lives. He didn’t do anything great in his life, but he was one of the happiest, most kind and purely good people I have ever known. I miss him terribly and for some reason I just wanted people to know that he was here, and he was loved, and he was good.

[Oggie]

Originally Posted by momlaffsalot

He didn’t do anything great in his life, but he was one of the happiest, most kind and purely good people I have ever known.

Then, he did do something great.

I'm sorry he is no longer on Earth for you.

[holleegee]

He did do something great..it sounds like he was a great brother to you and he loved you. That was great.

Hugs!
Holly

[Sabrina67]

My brother passed away in 1998, he was 17. He had surgery when he was 3 for hernias and they gave him too much anesthesia so he was left severely brain damaged. We watched as his body twisted and his days were painful . My mother took care of him at home till the end and was holding him as he passed. I know how hard it can be.I know he would be proud of you.
Thank you for sharing him with us I am glad you did. I will be thinking and praying for you and your family.

[Lizza]

I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. Our loved ones will always live on in our hearts. Peace be with you and your brother.

[jamo]

I am sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling. I lost my son. My greatest fear was that he would be forgotten. I think that it's a fear for you also. Don't worry. He lives in you, loves in you!

Hugs,

Jan

[Dente deLion]

Originally Posted by momlaffsalot

I asked if he needed to tell me something and he held has hands wide apart-“so much to tell you” he was saying to me.

Greatness.

Originally Posted by momlaffsalot

We were best friends, we were each others cheerleader, and we were each others healers. Together we decided we would not continue the abuse we were subjected to, that we would not allow that into our adult lives.

Greatness.

Originally Posted by momlaffsalot

he was one of the happiest, most kind and purely good people I have ever known.

Greatness.

So much greatness in such a young man ... and so much greatness in you.

I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. Your beautiful tribute to him in the face of such hurt is uplifting and very moving. Thank you for sharing yourself and your brother with us.

[michiganfarmer]

you gotta post a warning when you write something like that.

I dont know how to comment except to say I thought that was beautifull.

[SunsetSonata]

Originally Posted by momlaffsalot

I miss him terribly and for some reason I just wanted people to know that he was here, and he was loved, and he was good.

Your tribute was written beautifully. I can truly feel the profound influence he was in life, and in your life. Thank you for sharing your brother with us. He most certainly did Great Things. Probably still is.

[FourDeuce]

I keep this up on the wall by my desk.:banana02:

Little Things

Most of us
miss out
on life's
big prizes.
The Pulitzer.
The Nobel.
Oscars.
Tonys.
Emmys.
But we're
all eligible
for life's
small pleasures.
A pat
on the back.
A kiss
behind the ear.
A four pound bass.
A full moon.
An empty
parking space.
A crackling fire.
A great meal.
A glorious sunset.
Hot soup.
Cold beer.
Don't fret
about
copping life's
grand awards.
Enjoy its
tiny delights.
There are plenty
for all of us.

[Wildwood Flower]

Thank you for sharing about your brother. I know it's hard to lose someone so very young. May you be comforted and know for sure that his life had great purpose and meaning, mostly because it brought so much love.

[midwsthomestead]

Have mercy. That is greatness defined, what he was to you.

I hope sharing with us today has helped you just a wee bit...hugs.

~~

[Jan in CO]

Thank you for sharing your memory of your brother. Made me cry, it was really touching. Jan in Co

[bloogrssgrl]

What a beautiful tribute to your brother. He sounds like an amazing man and made very good use of his short time on Earth.

[RoseGarden]

I don't know you, but I am weeping for the pain of your loss but also for the joy of the angel the Lord sent your brother and that he was eager to go to Him. God does not abandon us in our hour, and I am glad your brother was able to tell you what he had seen and felt. I'm so sorry for your pain, I know what it is to lose someone you love dearly, I lost my child. I live with some comfort knowing the next time I see my loved ones, we will be together for eternity, and no one will know pain or hurt again.

[momlaffsalot]

Thank you all for your words of comfort. They helped today.

[Becca65]

That was a nice tribute!

[Windy_jem]

Beautiful.....just beautiful!

[fixer1958]

Thank you for posting that. It was beautifully written.

Reminds me of all the trivial things we all get caught up in.
It will be a great reunion when the time comes.

[heather]

Oh my

How beautiful - How beautiful

THANK YOU for sharing about your brother -

I'm SO sorry for your loss