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12/01/07, 01:58 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 5,939
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Parenting question - would this be TOO mean?
I have just been offered the opportunity to buy a little cart for our pony. It is a good price, and is already here on the island so i wouldn't have to pay any shipping on it.
he is already 3/4 broken to harness and the only reason I haven't finished it off is lack of something to harness him to. He has pulled logs, pallets, tyres etc, but not worked between shafts.
DD is very excited and desperately wants me to get the cart. I explained to her that getting the cart wasn't the whole of it, we wouldn't be able to start driving him until I had got him a new harness. The one I have doesn't fit him that well, and whilst it is OK for a few minutes pulling a log around the paddock, it is not good enough to harness him up to a cart and take him out to drive.
DD thought for a minute and said "well I'll ask nanny (her gran) if she will give me some pocket money jobs and then I will be bringing some money in as well to help pay for the harness" She is just 6.
I thought about it for a bit and then decided "why not?" Obviously I am not expecting her to earn the whole cost of a harness, but I feel it wouldn't hurt her to work a bit and earn something towards it. I was REALLY pleased that she thought of it, and even more pleased that she realised that pocket money jobs for me wouldn't help - it had to be money from outside to be any use.
When she asked my mum about giving her some pocket money jobs, my mum looked at me a bit funny, but said "yes, ofcourse she could". Then when I was chatting to a friend about it she looked horrified at the idea of a little one helping to earn money like that.
What do you think? Am I being a bit mean letting her do this?
hoggie
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12/01/07, 02:19 AM
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Very Dairy
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Dysfunction Junction
Posts: 14,603
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Nope, I think you are being very wise! 
It's never too early to teach a kid about money.
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"I love all of this mud," said no one, ever.
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12/01/07, 02:45 AM
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Bunny Poo Monger
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 3,067
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I too think you're being wise. This is something she wants and is willing to help work for that goal. You'd be teaching her what real life is about and as WG said, she'd be learning about money.
This is something she wants to do, not something you asked of her or expected her to do. I say let her go for it. It will give her a great feeling of accomplishment when that new harness is purchased and put on the pony.
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Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed. -- Sir Francis Bacon
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12/01/07, 04:07 AM
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: OlyPen
Posts: 4,132
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My daughter loved horses so much, she started saving every penny of her money when she was 4 so she could buy a horse of her own when we got property. Whenever she saw something she wanted I would ask her if she wanted to spend her own horse money on it or was she expecting me to pay for it.
Of course she didn't want to spend her own money. I would then offer to buy the toy now, or not buy the toy, but put a fraction of its cost into her horse money. There were darn few things she wanted more than a horse. We got our property when she was 10 and she bought her horse 4 months later. Rose is one of the most frugal people I know.
It is never too early for a child to learn it takes discipline to make dreams come true.
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12/01/07, 06:20 AM
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: sc
Posts: 2,638
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That is not mean, that is good parenting. Raising a kid to do this leads to good things down the road.
On my daughter's first day of medical school, her assignment , from one professor was to call home and thank the parents for teaching them delayed gratification, as NOONE arrives at medical school if they dont' understand that concept.
She had turned 20 the week before starting medical school, as well, the age at which the 'average' student would have still had two years of college to complete.
Don't second guess yourself. Proof lies in the end result.
dawn
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12/01/07, 06:29 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 19,807
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I think it's just wonderful that your daughter already knows that work=$$$.
Good for her, and for you encouraging her in her idea to earn some of the money for the harness.
You're doing fine, Mum!
Pony!
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12/01/07, 06:36 AM
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Singletree Moderator
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: Kansas
Posts: 12,929
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I have a regret.
The first time my toddler got an allowance, she decided to buy the weeks worth of groceries for the 25 cents I had given her. I gently explained that it was not enough, and she perhaps could buy herself a snack?
She was DISSAPOINTED! And, I am disappointed that I hadn't at least let her "help", as she would have felt SO proud!
Just accept what she is willing to do, and let your daughter feel proud and capabe.
Last edited by Terri; 12/01/07 at 06:39 AM.
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12/01/07, 06:42 AM
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..where do YOU look?
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: northcentral WI
Posts: 3,918
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Terri, that's CUTE!
I remember once that I was given a large sum of money when I was 9 or 10... in return for extra work at home during a particularly brutal week. I had a German mother and a Scottish father, so this was a unique occurrence  It was perhaps $10 or $15. I am the eldest and decided to take the entire family for a frozen yogurt at the local establishment since my parents were health "freaks" and we never got sugar or anything. I spent my whole amount (save some cents) on frozen yogurt for my siblings, and didn't even think I was being "noble"... I just thought that we could have a "treat" for working hard.
My parents still tell that story... and now I guess I am. Everyone reacts differently to having money... but we all must learn what to do with it.
R
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When faced with issues in life, where do you look for the problem; out the window, or in the mirror?
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12/01/07, 06:53 AM
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More dharma, less drama.
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: Texas Coastal Bend/S. Missouri
Posts: 30,482
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Your daughter already shows the results of your wise parenting. Let her help earn the money for the harness. Make a spreadsheet/accounting page so she can watch the savings grow.
You're a good mom!
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Alice
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"No great thing is created suddenly." ~Epictitus
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12/01/07, 06:55 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 626
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Hoggie - I think it's a great idea! I am wondering if your friend has children...if so, how does she plan to teach them about money and responsibility? What your daughter came up with is a wonderful idea, and children that age usually want to feel like they are helping.
I have taught my 6yo to wash, fold and put away her own laundry. It amazes me how many parents I tell, and how long they wait to teach their children responsibility for chores (some never do - perfect example is my 19yo step-DD. She was raised by her grandparents - long story - and just started college. She never even had chores. She just got her first job and is struggling with the reality she is facing. Everything she ever needed was given to her and done for her, and it's a huge change in her life that she is not handling well.)
Start 'em young!
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Michelle
"I have learned that 99% of the time, when something is broken, one of the kids did it."
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12/01/07, 10:55 AM
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gracie88
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: OR
Posts: 913
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Your friend's wrong on this one, I think. Kids like to feel like contributing members of the family, it will give her an appreciation for what stuff is worth (how much work goes into getting a specific thing). Mine are a bit young for paying jobs (oldest is 5) but they love to do "real work," they feel important. I think lots of kids would have less "self-esteem" issues if their parents would let them be useful.
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12/01/07, 11:12 AM
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writing some wrongs
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: SW Ohio
Posts: 6,868
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Are you kidding? I think it would be mean to tell her no, she couldn't do it!
I really wish I could instill that kind of work ethic in my kids.
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12/01/07, 11:16 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: central, mn
Posts: 2,906
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hoggie==whatever you are doing with your dd is right one. i think its great that a kid that young would even think of that. i dont think any kid is to young to help--it just needs to be age appropriate.
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12/01/07, 11:16 AM
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Super Moderator
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 11,791
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hoggie, I think it's a very wise idea. Kids learn to value things when they work for them and there is a great deal of pride from accomplishing a goal through work. I think I was about your daughters age when I wanted a new saddle terribly bad and the deal was that if I saved half, the old rancher would cover the other half. I know I didn't come close to saving half but to this day, but it sure made me feel good. I guess I'm fortunate in the sense that my parents could have bought me whatever I wanted but they didn't and I thank them for that.
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12/01/07, 04:48 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Michigan's thumb
Posts: 14,877
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Heck, she already has her own pony! She's learning to set goals and attain them. You are doing super good.
For your pony, make a practice set of shafts. You can use the measurements from your cart. Get pvc pipe and corner pieces, and end caps. A pipe on each side is slid into the harness where the shafts would be. End caps are put on so the cut edges don't rub against the pony. You need another short piece that will lie on the ground, and use corners to put the shafts and ground piece all together. One of you leads the pony while the other walks behind holding the reins. He will learn how to make turns while wearing shafts, and learn to work with you behind him instead of beside him.
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12/01/07, 05:57 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: the flat land of Illinois
Posts: 4,652
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your daughter ASKED to help. Turning her down would have been disrespectful of her genuine offer. Respecting her ability to help and make meaningful contributions to your family household can only help her and you grow.
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12/01/07, 06:13 PM
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Banned
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Beautiful Kentucky
Posts: 3,476
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by hoggie
When she asked my mum about giving her some pocket money jobs, my mum looked at me a bit funny, but said "yes, ofcourse she could". Then when I was chatting to a friend about it she looked horrified at the idea of a little one helping to earn money like that.
What do you think? Am I being a bit mean letting her do this?
hoggie
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Just don't break her little heart by taking the taxes out of her pay.
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12/01/07, 06:20 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: It's a secret
Posts: 698
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I think you must be doing a good job as parent.
She shows it by showing responsibility. I think it's wonderful.
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12/02/07, 01:07 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 5,939
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Thank you all for the support. My Mum is on board. She came over yesterday, and suggested that why don't we, as well as her giving DD some pocket money jobs, sort some of DD's toys and do a car boot sale towards it.
The friend that I was chatting to, while a close friend, has totally different ideas on children to me  A while back, we were discussing something that DD was working towards and she asked how long it was going to take her. I replied about 4 or 5 weeks. She immediately said "but won't she get bored" and I said that no, she was working towards it and knew that was her goal. She said that her son would give up after the first day, and added that in fact SHE herself would probably give up after a week.
LOL Maura - I had the pony looooong before I had DD I originally started to break him to harness as I thought he would never make a child's pony. I fully expected my old mare to teach my kids to ride. Unfortunately she had to be put down while I was pregnant with DD so the pony has had to step into her shoes - and I am proud to say he is doing a great job
Thank you for the idea of the pvc pipe. He knows how to drive "out ahead" in fact it is often part of "basic training" over here. I was going to try to rig something with a couple of poles as practice shafts but the PVC is a MUCH better idea
I love the idea of a spreadsheet. She would enjoy that (she is a maths head LOL)
She has got a jar, and put her pocket money from her dance teacher into it yesterday. Each week her dance teacher gives her £1 for washing up the cups after class and normally she puts it in her money box - now it's going in the harness jar
To be honest - I am hopeless with money - and have landed in trouble because of it. I am determined that if it is at all possible, DD will know better
Thanks again
hoggie
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