Holiday coping tips for Autism, SPD, or other special needs?

[RockyGlen]

Last year was a disaster. Our SPD/OCD child was miserable and made everyone else miserable (not on purpose). Last year he was 2, this year he will be 3. Our first mistake was traveling 1500 miles, getting snowed in a hotel for 3 days in the great Colorado blizzard, and then spending the holidays in an unfamiliar relatives home. Got it - we are staying home this year!

But there were other problems as well, that I would like some coping tricks for.

We put the Christmas tree up, and he loves it. Until we try to put any ornaments or tinsel or anything on it. Then he screams and takes them off. After 3 days, he is used to them being on there, but HE had to arrange them just so and if anyone else tries to touch them he fusses. OK, that problem dealt with.

Now the presents - they don't belong under the tree. He keeps removing them and stacking them in my bedroom and closing the door. NOTHING belongs under the tree. Even the cat.

The bookshelves we clean off for Christmas decorations - another NO-NO.

I am really worried about Christmas day. The noise and confusion are so much fun for everyone else, but will be painful for him. How do we make it fun for everyone, yet bearable for him?

I don't want him to spend all day hiding in his tent (his private, quiet place).

Anyone else have these things to consider on the holidays?

[Alice In TX/MO]

Preface: I don't have an autistic child, but I've been a school teacher for thirteen years, a mom for thirty, and a grandmother for three.

Why not flex as much as possible and let him do the tree decorating? It's OK if not all the decorations you used to use are on there.

Let the presents stay put away until Santa brings them during the night or early morning hours of Christmas day.

Start slowly on the Christmas decorations and involve him as much as possible.
Maybe just one small change per day? Tone down what you usually do?

I haven't (yet) had the experience of making my home a safe and happy place for a special needs autistic child, but my sister was blind from birth, so I'm somewhat familiar with adjusting the environment.

Edited to add: Christmas morning's noise and confusion. Pace things - no need for everyone to be shrieking and opening all the presents at once. Teach respect to the other members of the family. There's really no *need* to have it noisy.

Blessings on you and your family.

Rose

[midwsthomestead]

First of all, lots of hugs of understanding. Our 'quirky' (diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder at age 3) child is now 14 and has adjusted super well to the world in general--still needs his space after a busy couple of hours and still needs to know what the day holds and what is expected of him.

It sounds to me like you're trying to give your son a comfort zone to work with by allowing him to rearrange the tree etc...bravo to you for that.

Something that worked really well for us was a 'story' about what was going to happen on a given day. This was before I had a computer, so I made the books by hand. I took construction paper and markers, pictures of our family and, if possible, the place in question(your home, the tree...) I would write a story about what was going to happen in simple, short sentences and we'd read it several times a day. Granted, things don't always go exactly like the story, but it still gave our son a heads-up as to how things would be. After doing this a few times, it really seemed to help him be just a wee bit more flexible.

When we left home, I always carried a bag full of favored things for him to play with as well as books and coloring books. After a few minutes of visiting, we'd retreat to a corner and play together. People would stop and talk to us, but we stayed in our spot. To this day, our son packs a backpack to take places and after visiting and being sociable for a bit he retreats to read or play games. It's a fantastic coping mechanism we gave him that has really proven it's worth.

I ramble...

Take heart, your son is young and this is the hardest time for you as a parent of such a child. Please PM me anytime, we've been there n done that

~~more hugs to you and yours

[Fla Gal]

I don't understand all the spectrums of autism and aspergers but do know those afflicted are VERY resistant to change.

One thing you could do, in the evening, is sit down with the child and tell him tomorrow there will be decorations added to the tree. Make a stick figure (on a square piece of paper) depicting him (and whomever) putting decorations on the tree the next morning. Tomorrow, that will be what happens. If he doesn't remember, show him the picture.

When you're ready to put the gifts under the tree, the day before, make another stick figure picture of Dad, Mom and him putting gifts under the tree tomorrow evening (morning). By doing this you'll be letting him know, tomorrow will be a change in schedule. He should then be able to accept the change knowing that is what is going to be done that day. If he doesn't remember, show him the picture and explain it to him again.

You can't spring it on him because he had no forewarning of a change and it's probably going to be 'the roof's coming down' because he believes he's supposed to to the same thing today he did yesterday.

I've never had to do it but I'm sure it takes time and patience to make these pictures that a child can understand so they know the things they're used to doing today will be different tomorrow.

If something is changed and they didn't know it is going to happen, they won't want to deal with it, will and do resist change.

He may be wanting time in his quiet place because he doesn't understand why all those people are there making his world such a 'noisy place'. Autistics are very sensitive to sounds and touch. Loud noises make eardrums vibrate with very uncomfortable earaches and sometimes headaches. It even makes a persons eyes water from the vibrations of a voice or loud noises. It could be explained to him there will be a crowd tomorrow or the next day and he may be able to take a little bit of it. My guess is, probably not. Crowds and noise don't fit in with a hypersensitive person.

Just one tiny little touch can put the already hypersensitive person over the edge. They run and hide to get away from the unfamiliarity, noise and the touching that their already sensitive bodies are hypersensitive to. They just want to be alone and be able to get away from all this that their hypersensitivity causes them to feel.

I wish you the best with your son and hope you see a beacon through this cloud. Don't just investigate autism, check out aspergers syndrome too. He sounds like he's on the high end of the autism scale, which is aspergers.

[Sonshine]

With our DS, age 9 now and on the spectrum, we would allow him his quiet time away from all the activity. He loved Christmas and the decoration and gifts, but it also overwhelmed him. So, when he needed his space I didn't try to stop him. In fact, most of the time I would join him, just to hold him and let him know it's ok. My DS rocks when he gets stressed, so when I see him rocking I will ask if he wants to go for a walk, or go to another room to watch a video or have me read to him. Usually he agrees and is able to get control back. It just takes time, patience and accepting him for who he is.

[trappmountain]

What about letting him make some decorations for the tree and put them on himself. It may not be beautiful but it might help him cope better. I don't put presents under the tree till Chritmas Eve. Maybe try that after he goes to bed. In the morning it is ok to take them out from under. Or give him his own little tree to do as he likes with. Give him a quiet area That's just for him to get away from all the excitement. Put some things he really enjoys there.

[teresab]

With our son Christmas for the last 6 years has been a challange. I must say last year was the best so far but then his diet had been changed and he was doing better all the way around.

My suggestions...let your son decorate the tree the way he wants. Our son had all the decorations down at his level...ugly tree but he loved it. Also plan on making Christmas an all day (or several day)event. Presents coming at him may freak him right out..... with NOah we let him open at his speed..if he wanted to play with something he could play and then go back to opening.

The BIGGEST suggestion...if anything needs to be assembled...DO IT AHEAD OF TIME. Nothing frustrates an easily frustrated kid like wanting to play with a toy and waiting for an hour for it to be put together.

Hope this helps...good luck to you..take a deep breath and hope you all enjoy your holiday together.

[RockyGlen]

Helping him cope isn't the issue so much as meeting the needs of the other 7 kids while helping him cope. I have never cared if my tree is pretty, so long as the kids had fun with it. Our tree has always been just for the kids.

Part of the fun for the kids is shaking their presents and trying to guess what they are. Hiding them is good for him, but not for them.

It is just so hard to meet his needs without denying everyone else. We do pretty well, and all the other kids are great about it. It was their idea to open one present every hour so that there was time to play with each gift and it would not get so messy and loud in the house. They also are humoring him about the tree. Each day we make homemade ornaments, and they are letting HIM hang them on the tree.

My kids are great, and they all accomodate him so much. I just know that sometimes his needs take over our lives and that really isn't fair to the others, even though they never seem to mind. I want to make it special for all the rest, but not at his expense. I want to make it enjoyable for him, but not at their expense.

I think I will bring his tent into the living room for a few days and see if he likes that. It will make it pretty crowded, but it might enable him to watch and sort of participate on Christmas while still feeling safe.

The kids also suggested they open one present a day.....as long as the last gift was on Christmas. What a way to start the holiday a week early, LOL.