Putting MY foot down and going on strike!

[NickieL]

I hate that it's come to this but!!!!!

I have asked my husband and his friends meny times NOT to smoke in the house.....

I had asthma so bad as a kid i was misserable and in the hospital sometimes. Its been years since i've had a bad attack but lately as soon as I get home I start coughing uncontrollably and have to reach for my inhaller. Husband says since he's not smoking cigarettes its ok. he smokes cigars but ITS STILL SMOKING!!!!! Last night I thought I would have to go to the hospital because I couldnt breath when I came home from work the house was filled with smoke. He said as I was coughing 'I'll smoke this one by the oven vent'! like that does any good!!! I'm putting MY FOOT DOWN. Smoke outside or NOT AT ALL. My health is too precious to me to have him ruin it with his nasty habbit!


Then I work long and strange hours at my job and I don't get regular days off much. I'm working a 12 day stretch right now and had only one day off before this stretch. I try to clean and cook everyday and on my day off I'm always expected to fully clean the house. But he gets every weekend off and DOES NOTHING but make a mess and play computer games. He has had a 4 day weekend and you think he could of helped around the house??? You should see the kitchen, it's dispicable! pots and pans and filthy dishes, crumbs, garbage, beer cans.......I have used none of these things, i've even been too busy to cook.....It wouldnt be so bad if he would at least pick up his cans, rinse his dishes and throw out his garbage in the can......is THAT too much to ask??? I ask him to do this all the time as a curtesy to me, and he doesnt. So, I'm protesting. I WILL NOT CLEAN, COOK, LAUDRY (he throws his clean clothes on the floor ) or anything untill he cleans this house!!!! He used to never be such a slob. I'm not one of those people who yell at thier spouce all teh time but this is getting rediculous.

[Janis Sauncy]

Shoot him




(Just kidding.)

Janis

[AngieM2]

From your post, sounds as if he has a good deal,

From your post, I hope the strike works, and if he's that inconsiderate I'd wonder if he really loves and cares for you, or just himself.

Sorry -
Angie

[patnewmex]

I can't imagine having such an uncaring, selfish spouse. He certainly needs a swift kick in the behind for starters. What is with people who are that selfish is beyond me. Sounds like he treats you worse than a second-class citizen. That would annoy me no end, and if my spouse did that, and it continued past a reasonable length of time, he'd be living in some other building, NOT the house.

Good luck and I hope he realizes he is not respecting you by doing this. This doesn't even start to address the health hazards.

Pat

[wr]

I find his behavior very disrespectful and his attitude toward your health very cavalier. I am also a smoker and have been seeing a wonderful guy that happens to have asthma for a few years. He set the initial rules (if we were in my house/car, I could do what I wanted but in his vehicle or home, please no smoking) and I know he thought he was being reasonable but it was unfair. I could see no reason that he should be sick half the time so I only smoke outside at all times. It does no good for him to be sick half the time and just because an asthma sufferer is out of the house doesn't mean the problem isn't still there. There have been circumstances where he's felt justified in suggesting I smoke in his vehicle or home and I can't imagine my momentary gratification can be so important as to risk his health. The very best part of the whole thing is that I smoke a mere fraction of what I used to. Apparently, the inconvenience of getting dressed to go outside and stand in the cold isn't all that appealing.

[mpillow]

I feel your pain! Your husband doesnt have a brother living in Maine does he?

Mine is getting his butt handed to him when he gets home with all his dirty laundry, gear, dishes etc..from hunting camp...and he's meatless to boot! You can bet he didnt go beer-less!

[AR Cattails]

I'm more upset about his attitude toward your health condition and the danger of being around cigarette smoke, than I am about the actual smoking. You just have to put your foot down here. NO smoking in the house and NO smoking in the car. That's what I did for the last few years I smoked. If it gets to be too hard on him to smoke outside, then maybe he'll quit, for you, if not for himself.

Let us know how this turns out, please.

[NickieL]

I will, because I'm getting really fed up!!!

i also told him that we are changing the way we spend money so that it isnt all one sided After all, we BOTH work at full time jobs and make just about the same amount of moeny so nothing should be one sided!

I told him 60% of our income will go to household bills and needs. (Not beer and cigars and computer things )

the 40 % left over will be divied up. He can do as he wants with his 20%, and I can do what I want with my 20%.

i'm tired of him spending every last dime we have on computer games and beer and then him complaining when I once in a blue moon want do something for myself that costs more then $5.

Thats just the way its going to have to be so I can put moeny into savings that he can't touch!

[Fla Gal]

I smoke and absolutely will not smoke in the house. It turns EVERYTHING a yucky, smelly yellow mess, even clothes in closets with closed doors. I don't like my home smelling like an ashtray. Besides, with having asthma it only compounds the problems.

I don't blame you a bit for not wanting to clean his messes or not wanting to cook. Who, in their right mind wants to clean up someone else's mess to be able to cook, then clean up that mess just to walk into the same situation the next day?!?

I also don't blame you for going on strike. You picking up and cleaning up after him will probably make him think it's ok to keep doing what he's doing. This may sound gross but if you go on strike better buy some mouse, rat and bug traps.

Some people just don't care and as Patnewmex said, it's disrespectful.

[Wildwood Flower]

Good for you Nickie!

I am the same way. Slavery went out 100 years ago.

[Cheribelle]

Oh yeah, way past time to put your foot down!
My BIL has a rare lung disorder and has to go to the hospital every 6 weeks for an IV treatment. ($5000 a pop, on state aid because he can't work) It will never cure him, but helps to minimize further damage. The man is 35 and will need a carry around oxygen bottle in the very near future.
They have a little daughter, maybe 5 yr old.
And
His Wife Still Smokes!
I guess she wants him dead.

[Bink]

Good grief. Do you have kids? You're working, what do you need him for?

[Terri]

Nickie, the vent from the stove vents INTO the house, not to the outside.

Expect him to smoke even more for a bit, out of temper, and decide how you will react to it.

I know that my DH did not believe that things could affect me badly when they did not affect him at all. Since it did not affect him, he could not see that it did affect me, and he thought I was just fussing to get attention.

He is a GREAT DH, he just has this blind spot!

[L.A.]

I use to enjoy a good cigar, but outside. Taste better in open air. Another thing I enjoyed that Bill Clinton ruined for me. Haven't had one in years.

[mama2littleman]

Forget about going on strike, go out of town and let him wallow in his own filth.

I'm a smoker, and I don't smoke in my own home or car. Your hubby needs to be smaked in the head with a clue by four.

Nikki

I'd tell him that sex is a chore, too! That'll REALLY get his attention!

[NickieL]

I think the not cooking ever again threat works wonders.....


He called me to tell me the kitchen was clean and the house was picked up.

He didn't sound happy but at least he did it. I think all he needs is a boot to the rear once in a while. I don't like telling other adults what to do (just like I don't like to be told what to do) but I guess i'm gonna have to

[Maura]

Showing respect to others is an adult trait. You are not his mother, please don't put yourself in that position. You don't want to be ordering him what he needs to do. I suspect that he thinks cleaning the kitchen and picking up once puts him back on your good list. He will go back to his old ways unless you constantly nag him. In other words, are you living with a man or a kid? Is this how you picture yourself as a wife, nagging? If not, then you really need to take some time and decide what you are going to do.

You can't change him, you can only change yourself. I think prioritizing the money is a great step in changing your relationship. Limiting his money will make him learn how to save for things, and make decisions as to what is really important to him. It also removes you from the position of being "mom", (letting him spend your money while you go without). Moving his head in that direction may give him practice in being an adult in this relationship. Good luck.

[NickieL]

I guess this is what they mean when they say the Honeymoon is over?

Yikes!

Time for me to take a day at the spa and RELAX!

[rickd203]

This guy sounds like a real prince!!! Some women really know how to pick 'em.