What would you do?

[DixyDoodle]

My sister just found out she has the early stages of macular degeneration. In other words, deteriorating eyesight. She has had the same pair of glasses for probably a good 10 years or more, having not had an eye test in a long time.

So now she goes to the eye doctor and gets tested. She finds our about the MD, and also that she is very poor-sighted with her old lenses. Even WITH her old glasses, her eyesight is bad, and although she is getting new lenses, she absolutely refuses to wear glasses all the time. Even when driving. Especially when driving.

Is it not the eye doctor's place to tell someone that they MUST wear glasses while driving? Do they have to notify the driver's licencing board? I'm very worried that my sis is out there driving and not able to see that well. I want to call her and say, please wear your glasses. What if she kills someone, maybe a child, maybe one of her own grandchildren?

Yes, this is the sister I have other issues with. It just keeps getting better. What on earth should I do about this? CAN I do anything? This is the sister that will vaguely listen to what you have to say, let it go in one ear, and then right out the other. She thinks she's fine to drive, and God forbid someone should see her with glasses on. I guess her vanity is so important that she is willing to risk hurting someone else.

Is there anything I can do, without stirring up a hornet's nest in the bargain?

*sigh*

[Alice In TX/MO]

If she's not senile, you can't do anything. It's her life. Her decisions.

[Ann-NWIowa]

Report her to DOT?

[QuiltingLady2]

Our S was dignosed with MD at 14 years old. It's the juvenal form of MD. Yes, he's losing his eyesight to. May be completely low vision by 30. You know, in this state he can drive with corrected vision of 20/100 in both eyes??? Yes, I know that's crazy. A person from the state came out and gave him his driving test. He Passed!!! What a suprise. He is now 20 and still drives. But, only in the areas that he is comfortable with. He takes a test every year and every year he has been renewed.

[Jen H]

In CA, a doctor can force the Dept. of Motor Vehicles to pull a patients license unless they can pass a current written and driving test. Is that a possibility for you in Ontario?

We literally took FIL's car away when it became obvious that he was a menace on the roads. It's been a year, and he still insists that he can drive just fine. With his glaucoma, macular degeneration (the dry, not quite so serious form), and dementia.. he most certainly should not be anywhere near the steering wheel. But FIL doesn't see it that way, and so it's a constant bone of contention.

[DixyDoodle]

My sister is in her 60's and is not senile, just stubborn and. apparently, vain as well. Personally, if it were me I would rather wear glasses and drive with good vision than to look pretty and maybe kill a family with my car. But that's me.

I think the doctor is required here to notify the department of motor vehicles, but the thing is, unless the police actually catch her.......and I suppose that all she need do is see a cop and throw the glasses on as she's driving, who would know? I don't think catching her would be as easy as it would appear.

You know, in this state he can drive with corrected vision of 20/100 in both eyes???

Do you mean his vision is CORRECTED to near normal with glasses, or that his vision is 20/100 AFTER correction? Now THAT would be scary. My sister needs a +2.00 vision correction, so double your average "reading glasses" prescrip. Her vision is, so far, good so long as she wears her glasses.

My other concern: sometimes she takes her grandkids to babysit, sometimes she drives them somewhere. I think I am going to have to speak to her daughter, who would make her insist she wear glasses. I hate to stir things up but I could not live with myself if she took those kids and got them killed. Why do people have to be so stubborn and selfish? I will be the bad guy here (to sis, at least), and that's just not right!

[Caitedid]

My vision is (uncorrected) 20/100 in one eye and 20/60 in the other. Although I could drive without my glasses (I can see large shapes and movement), I certainly would not be safe. I would mention your siste's vision problems to your niece next time you talk to her, so it's "something that came up" instead of anyone feeling like you "tattled". What I don't understand is how anyone is able to read street signs with their vision that bad. That was actually the reason I noticed how bad mine had gotten. Caite

[sewsilly]

A significant issue is that she needs to learn Braile, while she can do it more easily than waiting until she has no vision.

But I bet she'd not be willing to do that either.

I have two friend suffering with this right now. Both are sensible sorts and neither drive at all. Both are learning braille and preparing for the future.

[MorrisonCorner]

Not to add a moment of levity here, but both my husband and I went for vision checks when we realized (in the middle of a strange city) that while I could read the road signs, I couldn't read the map (and I was navigating), and while he could read the map... he couldn't read the road signs (and he was driving!!).

I think failing vision is something we will all be confronting sooner or later. I quail at the idea of not being able to drive, and not having the resources to go anywhere except for groceries every couple of weeks. Staying on my farm loses a lot of its charm if "staying on the farm" is a 24/7/all the time thing, with no opportunity to so much as go out for a bite of something with a friend.

And this is basically what your sister is looking at. There are tools people with MD can use (computers, for example, have customizations built in that you can activate just for this situation) but nothing is going to correct for blurred vision in a neighborhood.

[deaconjim]

Start taking ocular vitamins. If your sister has MD, you might be in line for it as well.

[mwhit]

If she's that vain why doesn't she get a pair of contacts? My grandfather became legally blind and the state pulled his drivers license because Dr.'s have to report it in NY. He had some type of rare fungus in his eyes and they told him they thought it was from working with horses? This was in the late 60's and he went to the big eye clinic in PA for experimental treatment, which made him go blind faster.

My eyes are horrid-- 20/200 in the left 20/40 in the right. I can still see good enough to drive as long as I have both eyes open. I do wear glasses when I drive if my contacts are not in.

Michelle

[fordson major]

if she can't see without her glasses she would not see a 2x4 with nails sticking up! she will need lots of coaching, not just from you but everyone in her circle, friends, family, coworkers etc.,been there done that as a teen needing glasses but not admiting it. some people grow up, others need help. i would (and have)phone the cops on anyone driving impaired for any reason, much rather have them here and hating me than 6 feet under or in jail!

[MarleneS]

It's up to the drivers license bureau to note on your sister's drivers license that she must have corrective lenses while driving; that way if she is ever in an accident the investating officer will know which law(s) she has broken and act accordingly. Nothing you can do about that.

You can tell you sister exactly what you think about her decisions, repeating it will not likely get you better results

You can tell the parents of the children she sometimes has in the car with her your concerns for their well being - repeating this will not make things better either.

You can choose to never ride in a vehicle while you sister is at the wheel. You can not tell someone else they can not choose to ride with her. You can warn them about the visual problems.

I'd work on having a good relationship with my sister within her vainity and nuttiness, and to know my limitations in being responsible for her adult choices.

Of course, if you believe the nuttiness is a threat/danger to her or others - by all means attempt to correct it - just know the likely consequences of your doing so if the authorities to not agree you have a just cause

Hugs,
Marlene

[DixyDoodle]

A significant issue is that she needs to learn Braile, while she can do it more easily than waiting until she has no vision.

Good grief, not sure I would go there with her! She already has issues with "being depressed" all the time, God forbid I were to mention her maybe needing Braille!!! I'm not sure what kind of MD she has, so whether she will actually go blind or not is something for the eye doc to diagnose. Some people with MD apparently only lose a bit of sight.

Yes, she has been looking into vitamins, etc. I suspect that the also already realizes that chain smoking also is not good for MD, but no, I won't go there either! She is very, how would you say, sensitive to what she would take as criticism? Lots of complaining about her issues, but not willing to even consider advice?

Yes, I think casually mentioning to the daughter is the best route. We have enough issues with sis's stability for me to go right off and "tattle". But you are right, I do have to balance that with allowing the rest of the family to take precautions for their own safety. I couldn't live with the thought that someone died and I could have said something. Perhaps once the daughter knows, SHE can convince her mom to wear those glasses. Not that I'm pawning the problem off on someone else, but perhaps she would make more impact.

This makes me wonder how many other people are out there, driving in a manner in which they should not? That is something very scary to consider.