Very worried about my mom...

[Phantomfyre]

A little background: my mom has a history of manic depression. When she is depressed, she's scary; she has attempted suicide in the past. Lately, she's been pretty down; my youngest brother (her youngest child) just left home to go to college, leaving her alone in a big house in the country with just her dogs and horses for company. Her finances are currently in the toilet, having lost her job a while back by way of discrimination against her and she is in the middle of legal exercises over that. My dad (they are divorced) pulled a stunt the other day that resulted in her having to call the cops on him because he was acting violent and she is still very upset about that.

Yesterday evening, her beloved house dog was hit by a car. She rushed it to the vet, where they told her the dog was paralyzed and bleeding internally. They said they could *try* surgery to correct the bleending, but given her spinal injuries, it was not a good option. Also, surgery would be $1000+. This was around 6 or 7 PM. This was not a 24-hour clinic, so they did what they could to stabilize her before the vet left. Knowing the dog would be left alone until the 10PM check, Mom begged to stay with her, but they would not let her, and Molly died alone sometime before the vet arrived at 10. Mom is absolutely devastated - not only did she lose her most cherished pet, she is dying of guilt because her little dog died alone. Understand that Mom and the dog were practically inseparable - the dog would cry and fret when Mom wasn't around, and Mom would worry about the dog whenever she was away from home.

I am really worried about Mom. I just know she's going to go on one of her benders, but I am over 400 miles away. I am hoping one of my siblings will be able to go out and spend time with her, but I'm not sure they will.

In the past, Mom has always resisted getting help for her depression. And help is limited for here - depression meds interact badly with her epilepsy meds, so she cannot take them.

She has come to visit me in the past when she was down, and that helped, but before, my brother was at home to watch the animals. No one is there to do that now, so I cannot tell her to come down here for a while.

I just don't know what to do. I can't get away from here at the moment - DH is going to be gone overnight Saturday night, and I have to be here to watch our animals. I'm not sure there are any good answers, but I'm really worried about Mom and guess I needed to "talk" about it somehow. And maybe, just maybe, someone will have an idea...?

Thank you for reading/listening.

[Jan Doling]

Get her a puppy....she'll be too busy to dwell on her own problems.

[suburbanite]

It's too soon for a new puppy.

Talk to her on the phone.

If she has bipolar disorder then she shouldn't be on anti-depressants but on mood stabilizers. She'd need a neurologist to pick out the details of what will and won't interact with her anti-seizure medications (which in general are depressants).

Though resistant to ongoing counseling for depression she might be receptive to grief counseling because of the dog. Find out if she'd consider that.

[Peacock]

Does she have a church? Maybe someone from church can stop by to help out?

Does she qualify for senior services?

You can probably figure out what I'd do...hire or bribe someone to watch the animals, or tell DH he couldn't do whatever was taking him out of town, and head over there.

[Phantomfyre]

Thank you for the suggestion Jan, but that's a bad fit for her. She raises Cocker Spaniels, so she has other dogs already. She's been working towards getting out of it, but she does have a (accidental) litter on the way. The dogs are cared for, but except for the two house dogs, they are pretty much kennel dogs. Molly was special. The other house dog is Molly's daughter, and while Mom loves her, the connection just isn't there. Sounds awful, I know, but Molly was "the one." They had this amazing bond: when you saw them together, it was unmistakable.

On a positive note, I just talked to my sister and one of Mom's friends is at the house with Mom now. Another friend is taking over later this afternoon, so I feel better knowing Mom's not going to be alone today.

[Phantomfyre]

Suburbanite, grief counseling is a good idea. She might consider that, and I will suggest it - thank you! She has seen a neurologist to discuss meds, but *according to Mom* they haven't been able to find any meds that won't interact with her seizure meds. She was forcibly admitted to a hospital a couple of years ago, and even then, they could not prescribe anything long-term.

Edayna, those are good ideas, too. She's not a church-goer, and she's only 56, so no senior services yet. But I may take off and head up there yet. Or, maybe better yet, pull "oldest sibling" rank and demand my sister and/or one of the brothers watch the animals for a bit so she can get away from everything.

Thanks again for the suggestions so far! I was feeling a little hopeless and this is helping a lot.

[Wildfire_Jewel]

Suburbanite, Not all person's with a bi-polar disorder take mood stabilizers. There are now 2 separate types of bi-polar. I happen to have the lesser of the types but must take an anti depressant for the depressive symptoms but can "ride out" the manic ones as I do not get so high that I think I can do any silly things (like fly). I tried the mood stabilizers and they were a very poor choice for me as I became a walking zombie I have been warned that as I get older and hit "the change" I may need to go onto heavier hitting drugs as the syptoms both ways could get much more severe.

Phantompyre, Has anyone done any research into natural ways of controlling the symptoms? There are alot of books out that may help her figure out a way to get her thru the tough down times with out the need of meds.
I vote for the "oldest sibling" solution. Tell them to care for htose animals and get her away from things for a few days....being around Molly's daughter may be very difficult for her right now as well as being in the house they "shared"
I wish you and your family peace during this! Mental health issues are NO fun!
Melissa




Melissa

[Phantomfyre]

Thank you, Melissa. I am going to talk to Mom tonight and see is she's open to the idea of coming down here for a bit. My youngest brother, who is just such a great young man, has already made arrangements to come home from college for the weekend to help in any way he can - without anyone asking. My sister is trying to help, and I'm sure my middle brother will try to help out, too. I agree that getting her away from everything is probably the best medicine right now.

You're SO right about mental health issues. I believe my dad also has clinical depression, but heaven forbid he'd go to a doctor. Before they divorced, Mom begged him to get counseling or go to a doctor, but he wouldn't. And sadly, depression runs in the family. As a senior in high school, it almost killed me, despite the fact that I DID go to a doctor. I was told I might have had mono, though the blood test came back negative, and that I should sleep MORE and I'd feel better - the exact opposite of what I needed. It is sad how misunderstood the disease is. By some miracle, I learned how to self-correct myself through exercise, and later discovered WHAT I was correcting. Knowledge is power, and, with DH's help, I have been able to stay off meds and stay functional. I have tried to help my mom with the information I have, and it works pretty well when I'm physically present to kick her in the keester and make her work in the garden or go for a walk or SOMETHING, and we keep each other going sometimes just by talking on the phone about our latest gardening projects, or what we're teaching our horses, or whatever it is that keeps us motivated to keep moving!

Diana