Possible problem with my daughter

[godsgirl]

I have a problem that I am not sure what to do. In the last month or so there has been two different occasions that my daughter who will be 12 in a couple of weeks was really tired – I mean extremely tired ,this was right before bed but I thought it was strange because it was not like her. I have never had any problems with drugs or anything like this with any of my kids. But I had wondered if she had taken something. My daughter is a good kid but she is my child that keeps me on my toes. Anyway yesterday I was looking in the medicine cabinet and I believe that I have 4 or 5 Codeine and about 10 benadril (sp)
Missing .Now I am 98% percent sure that they are missing but not positive. I know that if I ask my daughter if she did it she will lie her way out of it. I have hidden all drugs so that she will not take them again. But if she did take them this could be the beginning of a lot of other harder drug use. 
I am not sure how to handle this, being that I do not even know for sure there gone. Do I just watch her or do I confront her. HELP!!!!

[Callieslamb]

She might lie to you, but you might figure that by her posture, etc. If she lies, the problem might be larger than you think, but I would do something. Maybe she was just experimenting. Maybe she hurt somewhere and was trying to be an adult an take care of it? I wouldn't let it go. I would talk to her - even if it doesn't turn out to be a good talk- that in itself will help you get a picture of what you are dealing with.

[MorrisonCorner]

From the position of someone who is not a parent (but was a kid) I think you're probably right: if you confront her she will lie. However, you might consider initiating a conversation, perhaps while dosing yourself with something, about how you really should clean out the medicine cabinet because it isn't prudent to keep old drugs around... and then haul the kid into the bathroom to help you "clean up." Young eyes that can read the labels for expiration dates and all that.

While you're in there, you can talk about what the various drugs are used for. Attention all parents: please be honest about this. If you, like many people, take Tylonol (sp) Sinus to help you sleep, say so honestly: this is an off label use of this medication, but I don't exceed the recommended dose. Tell your kid that an overdose of really common medications (aspirin, tylonol) can kill them. I have a friend whose 6 year old ate a bottle of orange flavored St. Joseph's and ended up hospitalized for a long time.. apparently they thought the child would go blind from it.

You can talk about how tylonol (yeek.. someone spell that right) can kill a cat.

In short, you can have a practical conversation about how drugs are used (and not) without pointing fingers and asking if she tried to medicate herself, and flush some of the stuff that shouldn't be hanging around your medicine chest down the toilet.

You've got them hidden? From a 12 year old? Get real. You need to give her information, not incentive to find things.

[cindyc]

You know your daughter, so you have to decide, but before you go accusing her, You might take her to a doctor. Low Blood Sugar (and High Blood Sugar) looks an awful lot like being drugged. (Feels that way too). They slur their words, are unable to put together coherent sentences, are emotional and "edgy" etc... I am told that other things can do this too, like strokes, but you wouldn't suspect that in a 12 y.o.

Just another thought.

Cindyc.

[Peacock]

Also consider that this may be a normal phase of development, this fatigue. Kids that age stay up later than they should doing all kinds of things -- homework, reading, computer, video games, texting friends, even when parents think they're sleeping. Combine that with really early school schedules - my DD is in 6th grade and this year she gets up at 5:30, but is often up past 10 doing homework, especially if she has cheer or scouts that evening. And hormonal changes don't help - isn't excessive fatigue a part of PMS for some people?

I remember having an issue like this when I was that age, I was tired all the time, my mom took me to the doctor and he accused me of using "street drugs." I think I was 13. And I promise I wasn't using ANY drugs. Boy was I mad!

I might get flamed here -- but I think that experimentation like this is a normal part of growing up. With the exception of those who grew up in strict anti-alcohol households, who among us didn't sneak a sip of wine or whisky from the cabinet around that age just to see what the big deal was? Or try a cigarette?

If she DID...I think what happens next depends greatly on your reaction. The presence of drugs or alcohol doesn't make someone an abuser, just like having a gun in the house won't make you a killer. Drug use is a symptom of something bigger. If she's determined to use, she'll get it somewhere. Maybe this is just a sign that you need to work on your relationship with her a little more.

In my experience, the best way to have a conversation about tough subjects with my daughter is to drive someplace with her, alone. Somehow it's easier for her to talk without that direct eye contact.

Just my two pennies....

[Bink]

And let her know that overdosages of Tylenol or Vicodin, things that contain acetominophen can destroy her kidneys. That high concentrations of drugs are poison.

Matter-of-fact information is better than hysterical disinformation. When we were kids, the authorities told us so many off-the-wall lies about marijuana, that we figured they must be lying about everything.

[TexasArtist]

I'm agreeing with CindyC here. When I was about your daughters age I had extremely low iron. I found out later though that my mom took me in to the docs. because she talked with some freind at work about me and because that freind son was a druggie all of a sudden so was I. She never talked to me about it just assumed the "freind" was right and turned out it was very low iron. She never said sorry and I haven't trusted here since.
I fugred if she can't be honest with me then who is she honest with. Just tell your daughter you want to take and have her checked to make sure it's not something medical.

[LvDemWings]

You could try calling your family doctor to see if he would do a blood test and call it part of a physical. I don't know how long things stay in your system but if she isn't getting them from you there is a chance that she is getting them outside your home. An alternative would be to make up a fake med bottle full of candies and see if any of them go missing. Don't forget to note when anyone comes to visit. If someone has had friends over it could be one of them.

[chma4]

I did not read the responses so, sorry if it is redundant. Get some sugar pills or something else harmless that can not be identified, put them in your script bottles and watch. If they disappear, obviously there IS a problem. The little responses that I HAVE read are right. TALK to your daughter. Don't accuse, don't get upset, talk to her. Let her know you love her and you care.

[chickenista]

Also, that is the time when thyroid problems can begin. That's about the time for me.. only noone checked ..just told me I was lazy. If you accuse of her taking drugs you could destroy your relationship. I would just keep a watchful eye. Maybe spend a little more time with her than usual. If it is drugs, the onset of her period or any other changes in her hormonal balance, she will need you on her side and she will need your help.

[Laura]

Our pharmacy has home drug testing kits. The pharmacist tells me they are big sellers in our town.

At 12 years old, girls are hitting a growth spurt, their periods are starting and their bodies are requiring more sleep. On top of that, they have more schoolwork than before and their social lives are expanding. There could be a lot of contributing health factors, including drug use.

Before talking to your daughter about possible drug use, take her to the doctor for a full physical, including blood and drug tests. Don't put your daughter in a position where she will be compelled to lie before you have the facts. If she tests positive for drugs, you and her doctor can confront her together and arrange appropriate help.

[MaggieJ]

The first thing I thought of -- before you got to the part about the missing pills -- was mononucleosis. "Mono" will make a person feel exhausted. My son had it when he was about your daughter's age and I couldn't figure out what was wrong until the doctor checked him out. It's just a thought... but I thought I'd mention it.

[hoggie]

Being very mundane about this. I don't know what your relationship is like with your daughter. But if she is 12, is there any chance that she is starting to have monthly problems and has taken the drugs for genuine pain/discomfort that she doesn't want to talk to you about.

Just a thought

hoggie

[luvrulz]

Is there any way you can take her to the doctor for bloodwork as a test for low iron or thyroid or whatever and find out if maybe these drugs were in her system??

[Ashtina98]

I was 12 when I "became a woman" and remember being so tired, I would fall asleep very early in the evening, also unlike me at the time. My mom asked me if I was using drugs and I was very upset because I wasn't. But within the month I had started my period. Your daughters body is probably going through many changes and this does use a lot of energy. I wouldn't jump to the drug conclusion just yet, just monitor her (since you've already put up any medications) and see what happens next. Good Luck, my dd's are 9 and I am not looking forward to what you are going through.

Dee

[Jenn]

Everybody please remember a 12 year old or any child under 15 should NOT take aspirin except under a doctor's care (unless maybe vaccinated against chicken pox which not all that age are). Aspirin taken with chicken pox (which can start with a fever and achiness before the rash) can cause a deadly ailment called Reye's syndrome.

[Pink_Carnation]

Originally Posted by Laura

Our pharmacy has home drug testing kits. The pharmacist tells me they are big sellers in our town.

I wouldn't use one of those because they can easily give you a false positive...not the kind of mistake you want.

[sidepasser]

Every child is different - but diet too can play a HUGE role in feeling tired, not tired, etc.

I have twin daughters, now grown. When they were that age, they did the typical teen things: stayed up later, (even when I told the "bedtime"), expended huge amounts of energy riding horses and showing, did gymnastics and dance and school, also Church activities.

But I could always tell when the diet was lacking..if they ate too much fast food, they would be very tired..like they didn't get enough energy from the food they ate. As soon as I put a stop to the eating out and put more fresh veggies, fruits in their diet and limited the soda..they started to have more energy. I also added a "teen" vitamin to their diet once a day.

Thankfully I never had drug problems with my girls, but they were extremely tired during "that time of the month"..and would sleep in the car, on the couch, and often be hard to wake the next morning.

Their doctor told me that is normal as the body is overwhelmed with hormones combined with increased stress from school demands and exercise and that napping was GOOD for them at that age (12-14). He also said that too many parents overload their children with outside activities other than school and the child never has time to relax and "wind down". He suggested one hour before bed, they be allowed to DO NOTHING, just read, hang out in their room, etc. but nothing that required mental stress like late night homework or preparations for the next day's horse show.

So began the limiting of outside activities..and a more stringent bedtime routine. It worked. Both girls got more sleep, were in a BETTER mood during the day and ate better. Both got up on time each morning. One day a week I let them sleep in and did their pony chores for them..after age 15 I didn't have the "tired out sleepy girl syndrome" anymore.

(and they still stick to their fresh fruit, veggies type diet even at age 27).

Maybe it is not "drugs" but perhaps it is the normal part of growing up. It is more stressful for children now than it was even 15 years ago for my daughters.

Have a talk, don't yell, don't accuse, just discuss and exchange thoughts. Maybe she is worried about things, (grades, periods, boys, being popular in school, doing well in athletics).

You won't know unless you talk..

(I do so hope that it is something easily remedied..and not drugs)..but sometimes I do think parents are way to quick to accuse..and not quick enough to talk to their children.

sidepasser - (very glad that phase is behind me with girls).

[sewsilly]

Spend more time with her and LISTEN to her.

Talk, and talk but LISTEN as well.

Some important issues are at stake, health, well being, trustworthiness.

At 12, you need to set the standard for communication in the next 6 to 10 years.

I would simply state that pills were missing, perhaps even in a family setting. She may not be the only one with access to them. 10 benadryl is a lot. If that didn't prompt a conversation, then I'd wait a day or two and bring it up a different way.

Appeal to her sense of 'growing into adulthood' and cover (twenty times if necessary) how detrimental the use of someone else's drugs can be.

And I know you said that you'd removed them, but consider dispensing with them. If they're in the house, they're a temptation. If they're gone, they are not.

[wyld thang]

Since you have no other reason to suspect her of popping pills, I vote for growth spurt(#1), or low iron(happened to my sis), or maybe she had a hard day in PE. At this point accusing her of using would be damaging to your relationship. My mom was very suspicious of me, and I never did what she accused me of. Needless to say I didn't discuss a lot of my deepest thoughts with her.