I need to rant

[Mysticdream44]

This more of a rant than anything, but I need to unload. Hope you all don't mind.

My children are 20 and almost 22 yrs old. My daughter goes to UGA and my son works as a carpenter and lives at home with his dad. He pays rent and is very responsible around the house. They both live in GA and I'm in KY.
Anyway when their dad, my ex get angry with them he cusses them and calls them really awful names. He did that to my daughter today. She is looking for a newer car cause her car is on its last legs and she doens't feel safe in it any more, her dad had told her a friend of his had a car dealers liscense and could find her a good dependable car cheap, this was months and months ago and she's heard nothing since. Well she called him today and said she was going this weekend to look for a car and he started screaming at her, called her names and told her she was going to get screwed up the ****!!
When she IM'd me she was very upset and said her dad was going to regret every mean and nasty thing he'd ever said to her and her brother. He's driving them away and he doens't even see it. I've told him this before but he just doesn't listen.
Why do some fathers do this kind of thing? She made the comment that he could be so nice to everyone else but not his own family.
My son told me last night when he does that kind of thing to him that he doesn't talk to his dad for 3 or 4 days....kinda like a time out. I have to admit when he told me that I laughed, and so did he.
Other people beside me have called their dad out on calling names and how he treats his kids but it goes in one ear and out the other. Someday he's going to be alone because his kids won't have anything to do with him and then he's going to wonder what happened.
Ok, I feel better now. Had to get this out. Thanks everyone.

[Steely]

I understand what you are saying.My Father has done the same thing to his 6 children and none of us really have anything to do with him.It's sad really.He doesn't understand it or says he doesn't anyway.You reap what you sow.

[comfortablynumb]

let him drive them away itl be the best thing for them.
they will be free of his abusive BS.

thats a good thing.

[AngieM2]

Not that I approve of the dad's behavior, but maybe it's time for the YOUNG ADULTS to move out on their own.

Get roommates for expenses, etc.

Angie

[Mysticdream44]

My son is the only one at home, my daughter lives in Athens.

[Tricky Grama]

Originally Posted by comfortablynumb

let him drive them away itl be the best thing for them.
they will be free of his abusive BS.

thats a good thing.

Exactly. I guess my advice would be for them to stop communicating w/him all together. Hard for your son tho, if he lives w/him. When he asks why they don't contact him or return his calls, they can CALMLY say it's b/c he yells. Love ya, dad, bye.

[Ravenlost]

My daughter stopped having anything to do with her dad for almost the exact same situation. She didn't speak to him for three years (until he finally sent her a letter of apology). She didn't even invite him to her wedding and even put my husband on the invitations as her dad!

Your kids are definitely old enough to make the choice of letting go of this toxic person who happens to be their dad. They'll be happier in the long run.

I'm sorry this happened to your daughter. I remember very well how upset (and angry) my daughter was when this happened to her. I hope your daughter will be okay.

[AngieM2]

Sorry Mystic about messing up on the daughter not living there.

I had to stop talking to my parents for 3 years - now they have more respect for me and don't try the control or the yelling that happened before. (mostly Dad with mom backing him that last time).

I know it hurts you to hear it, but they do have a choice.

Angie

[Jenn]

If people behave this way in public to every body they have a disease like Tourette's or dementia. (or alcoholism) If they only behave this way in private to certain folks ie family they are abusers and could control it if they wanted to- for any of us with this problem (ie mean being rude or verbally abusive to family) just pretend whenever you talk to your usual victims that in the room with the two of you is your pastor and/or boss and/or the most judgemental neighbor whose good opinion you most want etc. Bet you'd be polite and even kind if they were- so act the same even when they aren't.

Me? Sometimes I blow up at complete strangers when their company/service etc is really poor- and then apologize if indicated; same as when I (rarely) blow up at home.

[Mel-]

I don't think a person like that will ever learn there are repercussions to their actions. I have a couple people like that in my extended family. one is my sisters husband and he will never get that it is the way he treats people that makes them dislike him. he's had a chip on his shoulder his entire life and always blames the problems he has in life on other people. never getting it's directly related to how he treats people.

7 kids. they all love him of course but the less they see of him the better. thats really so sad. from what I've heard, he almost crossed the line of verbal and child abuse and according to some may have crossed it at times so he has also been extremely verbally abusive and cusses like a sailor.

but I think your kids will just have to accept who their father is and do whatever they need to do. including seeing him very little if that is what is best for them.

[wr]

Jenn, they are master manipulators, which is essentially what all abusers are. The cycle of nice and then erratic bursts of ugly verbal abuse is just their way of controlling the situation. Certainly, they can control it but they don't feel there's anything really wrong with their behavior - frequently they were raised in the same manner. It doesn't just happen to family, they will have good friends for a long time and pull a stunt and then fail to understand why their friend is no longer a friend, they are quite often the same people you'll see screaming at a traffic jam. For all their bluff and bravado, they usually don't have a lot of self esteem.

[js2743]

Originally Posted by comfortablynumb

let him drive them away itl be the best thing for them.
they will be free of his abusive BS.

thats a good thing.

Are you sure you are located at Dysfunction Junction ? Because that was advise some one from function junction would give

Once words are out there you can never take them back.

You know that is sad a father behaving like that. I agree that distance is best in a situation like that.

[Mysticdream44]

Yes, I realize my kids have a choice, and they are certainly old enough to make it. I just need to rant a bit thats all. Their dad didn't use to be this way, I don't know it seems the older he gets the more verbally abusive he gets, he is the kind of person who only thinks of one person...himself!! And the devil with what anyone else feels or thinks, even with his own family. He is a very toxic person as was pointed out, one of the reason I won't have anything to do with him. Like I said before he is driving the kids away and when he doens't have them around anymore and they don't speak to him or come see him then he's going to look around and say What Happened?? It's sad but it's what I see happening.

[Mauto]

I understand in a sence. My husband used to be real close to his dad and they got in a fight when we moved away and didn't tell him.He said on the phone he loved my husband blah blah blah and if we moved back it would make him so happy, so we moved back.
We saw tem at Christmas and haven't seen them since. We cant keep up with all the expensive toys and cars they have and can't afford to do things his step kids do.We invited them to my 2 year olds birthday- didn't show up no call no gift. We invited them to my 8 yr. olds b-day party- didn't show up no call no gift. When my 3rd son was born in April we called him from the hospital to let him know he had another grandson- he called back and said he was at their campground 2 hours away, but our caller id on our phone said he was at home. My husband is really sick with muscular dystrophy and his dad hasn't even asked him about his health or stopped by to see him but they spend every waking minute w/ his step kids and grandkids.... It's just aggrevating.

[Shepherd]

Originally Posted by Mysticdream44

...it seems the older he gets the more verbally abusive he gets, he is the kind of person who only thinks of one person...himself!! And the devil with what anyone else feels or thinks, even with his own family. He is a very toxic person as was pointed out, one of the reason I won't have anything to do with him. Like I said before he is driving the kids away and when he doens't have them around anymore and they don't speak to him or come see him then he's going to look around and say What Happened?? It's sad but it's what I see happening.

Someday he's going to be alone because his kids won't have anything to do with him and then he's going to wonder what happened.

You are correct. And he'll have no one to blame but himself. When he finally gets to that point, it will be too late. Very sad. He could have such a wonderful relationship with his kids if he'd just change.

[Mysticdream44]

Well my ex managed to do it. He's driven his son from the house and now its to the point where Steven doesn't want anything to do with his dad, doesn't want him to know where he is, doesn't want to speak to him.
He is going to come here to KY and stay with us until he can find a job and get it going. My DH is going to try and get him on at the cable company where he works since they are begging for techs, he'll get free training and a truck to drive.
We're thrilled that he is coming up here , I'm just worried about his car making it, but my DH said if it breaks down to call and he'll come meet him wherever he is. I've got such a great husband. If you all could just say a little prayer that he makes it up here safely I'd appricate it .

[Shepherd]

Originally Posted by Mysticdream44

We're thrilled that he is coming up here , I'm just worried about his car making it, but my DH said if it breaks down to call and he'll come meet him wherever he is. I've got such a great husband. If you all could just say a little prayer that he makes it up here safely I'd appricate it .

You've got it! I'm so happy your husband is this way.

[AngieM2]

Good for your son taking care of himself, and this hubby of yours sounds really neat and family oriented.

Hope you are doing okay thru all of this hassle and things get back to your "ab' normal.

Angie

[Mysticdream44]

Thank you Shepherd and Angie My son got here about 10:00 P.M. and I happier than a clam that missed a clam bake Thanks again for your support.

[Shepherd]

Awww that's wonderful he arrived safely!!!!!!! Enjoy!