venison

[tamatik]

> I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed
it
> up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step
in
> this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since they congregated
at
> my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there
> (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed
while
> I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away) that it should not be
> difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm
it
> down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
>
> I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The
> cattle, who had seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were
> not having any of it. After about 20 minutes my deer showed up. 3 of them.
>
> I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder,
> and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.
>
> I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a
> good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell
it
> was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards
> it. It took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and received
an
> education.
>
> The first thing that I learned is that while a deer may just stand there
> looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when
you
> start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.
>
> The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT
stronger
> than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight
> down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance. That thing ran and
> bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly
no
> getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me
> across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not
> nearly as good an idea as I originally imagined.
>
> The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many animals.
>
> A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me
> off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes
> to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of
the
> big gash in my head.
>
> At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted to
get
> that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it
go
> with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and
> painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and
> that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would venture a guess
> that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several
> large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing
my
> head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I
could
> still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that
I
> shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so
I
> didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death.
>
> I managed to get it lined up to back in between my truck and the feeder a
> little trap I had set before hand. Kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it
to
> back in there and started moving up so I could get my rope back.
>
> Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would
have
> thought that a deer would bite somebody so I was very surprised when I
> reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.
> Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they
> just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head almost
> like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to do when
a
> deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried
screaming
> and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems
>
> like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was
likely
> only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be
> questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing
the
> bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled
that
> rope loose.
>
> That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer
will
> strike at you with their front feet . They rear right up on their back
feet
> and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are
> surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that when an animal like a
> horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the
> best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move
> towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you
> can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such
> trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond I devised a
> different strategy. I screamed like woman and tried to turn and run. The
> reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that
> paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the
back
> of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides
> being twice as strong and three times as evil, because the second I turned
> to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.
>
> Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it does not immediately
> leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What
they
> do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are
laying
> there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed
to
> crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
>
> Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split open, I
> had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good and felt
> broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back was bleeding
in
> a few places, though my insulated canvas jacket had protected me from most
> of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest place, which was the co-op. I
got
> out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking like hell . The
guy
> who ran the place saw me through the window and came running out yelling
> "what happened"?
>
> I have never seen any law in the state of Texas that would prohibit an
> individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that they
have
> overlooked entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law
enforcement
> personnel will go to exercise their power, I was concerned that they may
> find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my actions as criminal. I
> swear not wanting to admit that I had done something monumentally stupid
> played no part in my response. I told him "I was attacked by a deer." I
did
> not mention that at the time I had a rope on it. The evidence was all over
> my body. Deer prints on the back of my jacket where it had stomped all
over
> me and a large deer print on my face where it had struck me there.
>
> I asked him to call somebody to come get me. I didn't think I could make
it
> home on my own. He did.
>
> Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted to
know
> about the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing and
> wildlife and parks was interested in the event. I tried to describe the
> attack as completely and accurately as I could. I was filling the grain
> hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and just started kicking the hell
> out of me and BIT me. It was obviously rabid or insane or something.
> EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the guy at the
co-op
> has a big mouth).
>
> For several weeks people dragged their kids in the house when they saw
deer
> around and the local ranchers carried rifles when they filled their
feeders.
> I have told several people the story, but NEVER anybody around here. I
have
> to see these people every day and as an outsider. a "city folk". I have
> enough trouble fitting in without them snickering behind my back and
> whispering "there is the dumb-*** that tried to rope the deer.
>
> __________________

[suzyhomemaker09]

BWAHAHA....too cute

[ericjeeper]

seems just so deserving.. LOL funny story. I mailed a copy to your local co op for you..
















nah just kidding..

[JRF]

LMAO....So have the deer come back since this experience...LOL

[Rocky Fields]

Hey.

Just rewards for a poacher!

RF

[patnewmex]

I never knew anyone could be THAT stupid!

What is worse is they then proceed to tell the world about their stupidity. No clue what motivates a person to do either.

Pat

[Peacock]

A few years back there was a recording being passed around of a guy who called 911 after picking up a deer that was hit by a car; he figured that the carcass seemed fine as roadkill goes, and wanted the meat, so he just tossed it into his backseat. (eww.) But alas, the deer was not dead.

But here's the REAL funny part. A very similar thing actually happened to one of DH's friends down in TN. Seriously. In a tiny Geo Metro, at that.

[bumpus]

.
If your story is true.

You can just leave the deers alone and let them eat the feed from the feeder, and kill them later when you want one, and they will be in better shape and fat.

A scared deer will be tough when you kill it too.

Kill one when it is calm and not excited.

bumpus
.

[deafgoatlady]

OHHHHH LOL!! That story made me have tears from laughing too HARD!! OH my!! That is sooo stupid! But funny.

[AJ Williams]

Some lessons are learned the hard way. I've had to learn some like that but I was only 8 yrs old.

[tinetine'sgoat]

With all due respect that is quite probably one of the stupidest things I have ever had the pleasure of reading. And honestly the whole time I was reading, I thought I had never before seen a more fitting punishment for a crime.

[ksfarmer]

Think I read something similar one time by Baxter Black, cowboy poet and story teller.

[patnewmex]

Originally Posted by tinetine'sgoat

With all due respect that is quite probably one of the stupidest things I have ever had the pleasure of reading. And honestly the whole time I was reading, I thought I had never before seen a more fitting punishment for a crime.

You said it best!

[trappmountain]

Too funny!!!! I really enjoyed it!

[comfortablynumb]

its alot easier to wait till they come to the feeder and blow their brains out.

[TwoAcresAndAGoat]

This is a very funny story that I have heard before and suspect it to be total fiction . . . and good fiction at that. :baby04:

I hope I can add a venison joke to this thread - -

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea!

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea!

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and is on fire?

Still no flaming idea!

[ArkansasLady]

it is a old internet joke....I have seen it all over the internet, it is however hilariously funny...to thing someone might actually have tried that...LOL

~C~

[KCM]

LOL! It was a pleasure reading something so funny.


If deer get together late at night in the middle of the woods and each discusses the events of the day, can you imagine how the deer would be relaying your story to their friends! LOL