OMG - what does this make me??

hoggie · #1 07/28/07, 08:15 AM

As many of you know I live in a very small community. Just down the road from me lives a young lad, about 15yo, who is one of our local "bad boys" - let's call him "X".

Last week I saw X with about four of his mates obviously babysitting for his little girl cousin who is about 3yo. I went cold when I saw them - I'm not sure I would let ANY bunch of teenage boys babysit a little girl like that. Then I gave myself a good shake and a telling off - who am I to judge them right? Just because they are up to all sorts of other trouble does not mean they would hurt anyone.

This morning I found out that X and a bunch of these same "mates" were at X's house and assaulted another 15yo boy with one of X's mother's "sex toys"

I know that in reality there is absolutely nothing I can do. They are nothing to do with me. I worry intensely for the little girl cousin. But I suppose mainly I am just venting - I have a whole jumble of stuff going on in my head at the moment. But I can't talk to anyone here about this - I hear an awful lot of stuff in the course of my week and always try really hard not to transmit gossip onwards.

Am I THAT nasty that I could see this in these boys? I think that is what worries me most. What is it about me that sees this side to people?

hoggie

booklover · #2 07/28/07, 08:21 AM

I think it's human nature to judge people by reputation and looks. The fact that you "shook it off" and decided to give the kid a second chance (in your opinion of his caregiving abilities) says that you are a person that cares about other people and that your are a thinking person instead of someone who only knows how to think what they are already told. The fact that you were right means you have great instincts.

It's unfortunate you were right. That poor little 3 year old. Her well-being would weigh heavy on my heart, too.

OkieDavid · #3 07/28/07, 08:40 AM

I totally agree w/BL....The fact that you recognized the risk shows you are an intelligent, rational thinker. That you forced yourself to shake it off shows you to be a compasionate person.

The truth will come when next faced with a similar situation, will you allow this experience to cloud your judgement or will you allow the compasionate side to dominate your thought process?

David

susieM · #4 07/28/07, 08:47 AM

X's mother should hide her sex toys better.

hoggie · #5 07/28/07, 08:56 AM

Thank you booklover and OkieDavid - I am sort of hoping the situation won't arise again - I suppose that's asking a bit much really though.

SusieM - let's not even go down that road

hoggie

bumpus · #6 07/28/07, 08:58 AM

.
How did you find out about X and what he and his friends did to the boy ?

bumpus
.

hoggie · #7 07/28/07, 09:03 AM

The father of one of my DD's friend's was telling me that his cousin is coming over this week. His cousin is in child protection and we have been waiting for him to visit so we can tackle him about the man I had problems with a while back. It came out in the course o fthis conversation that the cousin is coming over partly to deal with this situation.

hoggie

AngieM2 · #8 07/28/07, 09:03 AM

hoggie - booklover and OkieDavid said what I was thinking when I read your post.

Angie

hoggie · #9 07/28/07, 09:05 AM

THanks Angie

tn_junk · #10 07/28/07, 09:09 AM

Trust your instincts. They are more right than wrong. When you get a "creepy feeling" about a person, place or situation DON'T ignore it. Paying attention to that feeling may save your, or someone elses, life.

galump

MarleneS · #11 07/28/07, 09:22 AM

hoggie, no way for you to know what the teenage boys inclinations towards young children are. Thinking it's okay to beat up boys your own age does not necessarily mean you can not be responsible for a 3 year old. It is possible that the teenage boys would be as upset about your fears as you yourself are. Of course you have ever right to believe that it's not a good idea to leave a 3 year old in the care of someone whom you can not trust to keep her safe.

If the little girls parent is in such a situation where she can not afford to pay someone else to take care of her child, you can choose to trust that she's made a good decision on how best to deal with it, or you could offer to take care of the child for her for whatever it is she has offered the teenage boys. Or you could establish your own reputation with child protection services by reporting anyone you have fears about

All of the above you have more or less admitted to in your orginal post.

Husband, who knows me better then anyone else, notes that I may be over the line when it comes to children's welfare, and that my guts reactions might not be on the mark because of this.

Hugs,
Marlene

Bink · #12 07/28/07, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hoggie

This morning I found out that X and a bunch of these same "mates" were at X's house and assaulted another 15yo boy with one of X's mother's "sex toys"

Am I THAT nasty that I could see this in these boys? I think that is what worries me most. What is it about me that sees this side to people?

hoggie

Well, that depends--when you say "assaulted", do you mean "raped", or do you mean they beat him with it?

sancraft · #13 07/28/07, 11:58 AM

To me, there is big difference between teen boys getting into a fist fight and a a pack of boys gang raping another boy with sex toys. Personally, I feel that if a person is deviant in one way, they are likely to be defiant in another. I cdertainly wouldn't want a boy who is capable of such sexual violence to be any where around my 3 or 13 year old daughter. Do you know how strong a teenaged boy is?

RoseGarden · #14 07/28/07, 01:05 PM

Marlene, I sure as heck wouldn't leave a 3 year old girl with a boy who had at the least beat up another boy in a gang situation and possibly even sexually assaulted him with a sex toy. If the minimum they had done was 'beat up' another boy, there is no way in heaven or hades I would leave a child with them

That would be just stupid! Sorry to disagree so strongly, but that would be an incredible lapse of common sense! That would be just ASKING for trouble! How could anyone even think about risking a child's safety in that manner?

Now if the mother of the girl is leaving her child with this boy/boys, then maybe she needs to have some sense talked into her.

Hoggie, you go with your gut instinct, it's there for a reason! It's all well and good to give people the benefit of the doubt, to be compassionate, but when they prove what kind of people they are by doing what you've described, then no, you do not have to continue to give them a second chance. Safety depends on it.

hoggie · #15 07/28/07, 02:13 PM

Sorry I guess I didn't make it clear. I suppose I was trying to not be too graphic. We are talking sexual attack/rape.

hoggie

Bink · #16 07/28/07, 03:12 PM

If they're that pervy, I don't think I'd trust 'em around a little girl, either. You're not awful--her mother has rocks in her head.

busybee870 · #17 07/28/07, 03:45 PM

you could make an anonymous call to ocs, some states say that if you knew about a problem and a child ends up hurt you can be charged as an accessary for not reporting it.
I know small towns gossip, but at the least offer your services to the mom, until she , due to "rumors" about the boys , until she can find someone else. Or make a complaint regarding your concern anonymouosly to OCS. Because NOW, you wont forgive yourself if anything happens to the little girl knowing what you know.

YounGrey · #18 07/28/07, 08:35 PM

I would pray for the little girl...

Laura · #19 07/28/07, 09:15 PM

Hoggie, it makes you a Circus Psychic just like me. It means we see the obvious, to us anyway, because we intuitively observe and process the micro-data that others do not grasp, and instanly know what is happening or will happen.. Sometimes it's God making it known.

Actually my fellowship and I consider this a spiritual gift. The circus psychic phrase is a tongue-in-cheek sarcastic term I use when I don't feel like discussing deep spiritual matters with diehard skeptics.

S.A.J. · #20 07/28/07, 09:54 PM

If it wasn't for the sexual assault on the other boy I'd say not to worry about the little girl with the boy. All of my cousins were boys, I didn't get a female cousin until I was 10. I would trust my daughters with my cousins before I would a stranger woman. But since there is a sexual assault I'd have to agree with ?? and say to either make an anoymous call to DHR or offer to babysit the child yourself. I doubt that you would be allowed to babysit unless you know the parent or have some kind of childcare reference. Being a woman doesn't always make a person the right choice in childcare. My neighbor's kid and a unknown kid was wondering around in my Mother's yard one morning(around 10 a.m.). Fortunately we knew the neighbor's kid. My Mother and Brother took the children to the babysitters house (got directions from the neighbors kid she's 5 yo.) who was inside sleeping. The other kid was the babysitters kid, he was only 2. These children were TWO streets over roaming around the neighborhood while the GROWN FEMALE babysitter was sleeping. I'd trust my brother with my daughters before I ever would a stranger female, anyday.
I'm just saying that you shouldn't steriotype men as being all bad to babysit because of a few bad ones out there.