He's loosing his job..................

ginnie5 · #1 06/21/07, 05:52 AM

the final (I hope) repercussions of what he did. We knew it was a possibility. He's been working from home the last few weeks while his partner made a decision. Yesterday he found out they want him out. They still have to come up with a price for his share of the company and they did offer him work as a contractor at a nice price if he provides his own workers insurance (not health). He's got 6 weeks of work left to finish up 3 jobs he was scheduled for. So here we are in our mid 40's and stand to loose everything we have.......which aint much. His outlook is positive though. He said that after the initial shock was over all he felt was relief. this has been a very stressful job for him. So next week we get to sit down and tighten the budget as much as we possibly can to see what we need exactly each month. And he gets to start putting out feelers with some companies he has contacts in about a job, and we contact this developer to see where things stand on selling this house. he has a good name in his field and they have agreed not to give him a bad reference as long as he doesn't try to start his own business and steal employees or compete directly against them. I admit I'm scared about what's going to happen. Its not just the two of us anymore.......there are 6 kids to feed. And a couple of them are looking at major dental work due to serious overcrowding that the dentist wants to get a jump on now. Loosing dental insurance that we just got is going to hurt!
I'm trying not to be mad......1st it won't do any good. it will just make me feel bad and him feel worse. 2nd it also bothers the kids when mom is angry. there are big changes coming and they need all the stability they can get. and 3rd I'm working on actually being forgiving, not just saying I do and then holding on to it. He screwed up...big time but he is human and if God can forgive then I should be able to too.
We started over when he joined this company and we moved here and it looks like we may just start over again. A clean slate will be nice I think.
he's been going to counseling and we are going to do some marriage counseling too. we are doing a good job of talking though.
so that's where things are around here.

Snowdancer · #2 06/21/07, 06:11 AM

I'm sorry Ginnie,I know you're worried and scared. I don't know if it helps but I've been in your shoes right down to the job loss for his activities & losing everything.

I'm doing ok now, life is different than I ever expected it to be at this age(55) but I'm ok. All I can say is things will change for you and your family but you'll make it & hopefully come out stronger at the other end of this rough patch.

Hang in there.

(((((hugs))))

michiganfarmer · #3 06/21/07, 06:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ginnie5

A clean slate will be nice I think.
he's been going to counseling and we are going to do some marriage counseling too. we are doing a good job of talking though.
so that's where things are around here.

its an awfull lot of work, and forgiving can be tough, but working hard at a marraige is what keeps them together.

BAmaBubba · #4 06/21/07, 07:18 AM

oh hon, I'm sorry. Will be praying for you all

Brandon

Callieslamb · #5 06/21/07, 08:10 AM

Ginnie,
You have a good attitude and though the road may be rocky now - we pray that a door will be opened in your behalf. You might want to print out what you wrote - just to refer back to it if things get really tough. My DH took a severance package a couple years ago. We did it so we could live out of debt. We sold our home - moved to an apartment and started job hunting. I know my situation wasn't nearly what yours is. My DH was also doing contract work for his former company. But, the road got very scary as no jobs came forth quickly. SO, print what you wrote to us - or write it in a journal sometime and have it to read when the hills and valleys come one right after the other. It will help you keep your focus and remind you where your priorities are. I wish I HAD done this.

And I hope you don't have to sit and wonder too long about what will happen next.

PS - dental work can wait. Dentists like to do it early - but we had to wait and have one of our kids' teeth done later - it really wasn't a problem. Maybe we didn't do it in the perfect way....but its done now and behind us. It was only an issue when we felt like we couldn't do it. Don't let that one become a mountain for you.

sewsilly · #6 06/21/07, 08:58 AM

Ginnie,

Bless you... Without the additional issues that you have courageously faced, my husband was out of work for 10 months last year. With one kid in medical school, one headed to college and one in junior high, we were petrified.

I'd offer you this advice. Continue to stay positive and strong for your children (and eventually, it seems to actually be true). We sat down and planned and engaged every person here in the effort to 'make it through the tough time'. We learned amazing things about ourselves, about children, about our friends. I wish that for you.

We came out of our time much stronger (and we were pretty strong to start with ). We feel blessed to have had this time of strength building for our family. (That sounds weird, but it's very true)

You're somewhere relatively near me, I think. If you'd like to talk, just pm or email me. I'll be happy to call you if you tell me a convenient time. I have specific suggestions that might help, especially something to check out concerning the kids insurance and dental needs during the time between jobs. We've been there and done that and survived.

God bless you on the journey!

Selena · #7 06/21/07, 09:07 AM

Hang in there, you are coming into this situation with your eyes open, not being blindsided. And a lot of early braces are done more for the mother than the child (e.g. Mom can't abide by the pumpkin look, like my ex-SIL). If it is not cosmetic in nature, see what you can get done prior to the insurance going away. And not sure what state coverage there may be but in IL, there is a lot of free/low cost dental for kids. Overcrowding may just require some baby teeth be pulled, my older daughter had this done. After a week's time (pulled teeth 2 different times), you couldn't tell the baby teeth were even there. You probably can get this done before dental is gone so don't delay.
Do involve the kids in the belt tightening process. It is easier on them if they understand money will not be plentiful and sometimes they are up to the challenge for inexpensive entertainment. To a 4 year old, a fun time can be had by eating PBJ on a blanket on the living room floor.
Do check out COBRA (probably won't be cheap) or finding a HDHP (high deductible health plan) and with a health savings account (which you may or may not be able to fund at this time). Cover yourselves for the true emergency and get through the smaller stuff yourself.
Might be time for a garage sale which will do three things - raise some cash, clean out for a potential move, and allow you to assess short and long term needs (supply of kids clothing, canning jars, etc).
You'll get through it, just keep focused on what needs to be done and that things happen for a reason. You just may not know the reason for a while.

MarleneS · #8 06/21/07, 09:10 AM

Ginnie, as sorry as I am that you are having to deal with your current issues, I'm equally to be given the lessons you have shared in how best to deal with such situations. It's soooo great to read where someone faces advisarity headon, and is determine to come out the otherside a better person.

Thanks for being a wonderful teacher,
Marlene

MicheleMomof4 · #9 06/21/07, 09:15 AM

Ginnie,
Your an amazing person and a testament to God's grace, kindness and love! HE is showing it through you. Amazing! I am keeping your family in my prayers.

God Bless,
Michele

oreo · #10 06/21/07, 09:17 AM

I do want to add that I had overcrowding teeth and was told I would need braces. I had some pulled and a space maintainer put in and ended up not needing braces. If you can find a dental college or work something out with the dentist, you may end up saving money in the long run by dealing with the overcrowding now. In my case, x-rays showed the problem before my permanent teeth had come in so it was proactive work. That may make a difference in your decision. Best wishes.

Wildwood Flower · #11 06/21/07, 09:18 AM

Ginnie,
May your road be made clear and smooth in the months ahead. Keep your courage. My experience has been that when a door closes, a whole bunch of windows open up. Keep looking to the light, it's there.

Surely there will be a good position for your husband, just waiting around the corner.

**Terri** · #12 06/21/07, 09:21 AM

If you have the dental insurance NOW, can you have the dental work done now?

WindowOrMirror · #13 06/21/07, 09:55 AM

Well Ginnie... I don't know your situation well, but I will say that you are a humbling example to many people that would just throw in the towel, thinking it would be easier in the long run. He's lucky to have you and I wish more were like you.

I'll pray for your road ahead.

Ron

Jan Doling · #14 06/21/07, 09:58 AM

Maybe you will qualify for county dental and health care now?

ginnie5 · #15 06/21/07, 10:45 AM

oh please don't think I'm something more than I'm not. I am struggling so hard with all of this. There are days I just don't want to get out of bed. Without the kids I don't know where I'd be. They keep me going. Because regardless they deserve better. I grew up with divorces and step parents and that whole mess. the one thing I promiseed myself is that my children would not go thru that if humanly possible. And the fact is is that I still love him. Some days i wish I didn't......that would be easier. The kids have dentist apts scheduled over the next few weeks and I'm going to get as much done as I can. We already know that cobra is going to be out of our reach so I will be checking into help to get their work done. Its not cosmetic...I wish. The girls are so crowded that permanent teeth cannot come in and the boys seem to have inherited the soft teeth gene from dh. Even the 2yo has a cavity regardless of brushing and flossing. I am hopeful that they will be fair and buy dh share of the company at a fair price.....even if its monthly payments that will help. And his name is still good so he should be able to get another job easily...it just may mean travelling and neither of us are thrilled over that. but he is trying and knows what he has done and is sorry...genuinely so I have to give him the chance to make it right.......besides I promise I know i'm not perfect by ANY means.

rwinsouthla · #16 06/21/07, 12:02 PM

First, I am deeply saddened by your position and wish only the best and speediest of recoveries for you and your family. It sounds like with the attitude ya'll are taking, things will work out fine. Keep your head up.

I don't mean to pry but first, where are you and what does your husband do? The Baton Rouge/New Orleans area of Louisiana has LOTS of work, both skilled and unskilled. I'm reading and it sounds more like he is a skilled worker. Let me know and maybe I can come up with some ideas, if a relocation is not out of the question.

((((HUGS))))

Ray

Ardie/WI · #17 06/21/07, 01:32 PM

Oh Ginnie, I feel so sad for you.

I know that you still love him and that you're seeking help through counseling BUT, if you ever feel the need to scream and rant and rave, go where nobody can hear you and do it. Cry too.

Trust me, it helps.

homemom1fl · #18 06/21/07, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ginnie5

tHe screwed up...big time but he is human and if God can forgive then I should be able to too.

You, my friend, have a WONDERFUL outlook! I believe that God will honor the sacrifices you have made by laying down your right to be a victim and letting all of this rip your marriage apart. I pray that you, your dh and kids will be closer than you could ever have imagined and that what the enemy of our souls met for evil, God will turn it into something great! Please keep us updated, you are in our prayers.

marvella · #19 06/21/07, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ardie/WI

Oh Ginnie, I feel so sad for you.

I know that you still love him and that you're seeking help through counseling BUT, if you ever feel the need to scream and rant and rave, go where nobody can hear you and do it. Cry too.

Trust me, it helps.

i agree.

being determined to take a postive attitude about the whole thing helps, for sure. but what i am wondering is, where is the anger? all too often we women just swallow it for the sake of our families. most often we swallow it and end up turing it on ourselves, and often it turns into illness.

if you can, go ahead and get good and ticked off, yell and scream as ardie suggests. get it out, even if it's only the counselors office.

wr · #20 06/21/07, 05:01 PM

Ginnie, I know how hard you're both working at sorting this out but please keep a close eye on him for the next little bit. So much of many men's identities are tied into their profession that he may take this really hard. He could struggle with this more than you expect, especially if he identified having a title (as in Partner) and you may see some depression.