Bread winners not working full time??

Queen Bee · #1 06/13/07, 06:09 AM

In dh's family, we have a 'blended family'...His & hers type. She works full time, makes very well, carries the insurance for everyone. He is self employeed. He gets his kids every other weekend, during school season and every holiday, school out days. During the summer he gets them, Thursday @ noon and keeps them until Tuesday am. And during this time, he only works an hour or two--or not at all.. He borrows money from people (and then he only pays back part of it) because he is "so broke". Always has a 'sad' story about work, his ex, his kids....They live in a tiny little house and have older cars/trucks--not much to cut! She went and had the phone turned off because she can't afford the cost..

DH gets really upset and says he is leaching off her. Expects her to work and pay all the bills while he goes fishing, plays ball, takes the his kids here or there...And the last time he ask for money --dh gave him a 'once over' not because he stills owes us 700.00$, but because he had not worked a full day in three weeks... He always either has a 'terrible headache', it's too hot, or he has the kids! Then he invites company (us) for steaks and shrimp on the grill... Not hamburgers and hot dogs, or fish he has caught.
UP until now, I have always disagreed with dh..saying--he doesn't get to spend much time with his kids, so he should find time for them....

What's your opinions??? Queen Bee

chickenmommy · #2 06/13/07, 06:32 AM

Get a haircut and get a real job. It's a catchy tune. And good advice.

Alice In TX/MO · #3 06/13/07, 07:14 AM

I don't know them. There's always the 'rest of the story'....even with family....that *you* don't know.

I say let them live their own lives.

bumpus · #4 06/13/07, 07:20 AM

.
I may help someone in need to get started if they are trying, but I support only one family MINE ! ! !

bumpus
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trixiwick · #5 06/13/07, 07:21 AM

I think in order to be "the breadwinner," you need to actually be earning the money. I don't think just being male qualifies you for that title. Your daughter is obviously the household breadwinner.

Would you be as upset if it was the woman who only worked part-time and spent a lot of time with her kids, or is this more troublesome for you because you expect a man to be the primary earner?

I do think that the owing of $ is a problem. "Neither a borrower nor a lender be" is excellent advice. No one who is owed money EVER forgets about it, and I think it's always an undercurrent in any relationship where it exists.

Overall, while I would personally have much more respect for the guy if he were working harder, I do think it's a household matter between him and your daughter, and you'd be better off leaving it to them and biting your tongue. When your daughter decides she's had enough, she'll do something, and I don't think hassling her before then will do much good.

MarleneS · #6 06/13/07, 07:38 AM

He must be giving your daughter something she feels she needs more then a husband who carries a more equal share of the income load or. hopefully, she would not still be with him

Like Rose said, they are both adults, and they should be allowed to make their own decisions on how best to live their lives.

If you do not approve of how they are doing so, you have ever right in the world to not enable them to have you help them finance their lifestyle. On the other hand if you can find a means by which to help them by a means which you do approve, please do so but only if it leaves you with a happy heart.

For the sake of a continued close relationship with your daughter, it's best not to over advise and opinions that she might see as hurtful, until she comes to you and ask you what you think she should do. Even then you should do so with a loving, understanding heart.

When the husband comes to you with sad stories, perhaps you could find a means to take that opportunity for him to clearly state what it is he thinks you can do for him - and let him know why you do not approve of his approach to problem solving

Hugs,
Marlene

Queen Bee · #7 06/13/07, 08:15 PM

It's not one of our dd's. It's a nephew and his wife, but thanks for your advice... We will not be loaning any more money to him. He asked dh for tire money, tonight and dh said NO.

Jenn · #8 06/20/07, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Queen Bee

It's not one of our dd's. It's a nephew and his wife, but thanks for your advice... We will not be loaning any more money to him. He asked dh for tire money, tonight and dh said NO.

If he's married to a steady earner etc (I'm confused- is it his wife/partner or ex-wife who has the good job? anyway...) SHE should support him, not folks he borrows money from. IE they should live within their joint means. If he's alone well he also has a problem- good plan to keep it from being yours!