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05/18/07, 12:02 AM
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Big Front Porch advocate
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Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 44,406
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Just found out my ex is dead
I just got off the phone with my youngest daughter. She said her aunt (my ex-s sister) just called to tell her that the police had come to her house to tell her that Chuck (name changed to Jim, but I was married to Chuck) was found dead. They think it is probably a suicide, as he took important papers to a lawyer or something earlier this week. He was 60.
I feel so weird and sad, even though I have a lot of bad memories about him (the last years of marriage) I have some really good ones also. He did have suicide tendencies. Once before I met him he was looking for a book on suicide and some one got him to read "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill. Then after we were married, we had to live in a Country Music radio station for about a month, while he was a dj there - and he hated country music but needed the job. He was going to climb into the 50Kw transmitter box and wait for them to turn it on in the morning. And after the divorce, his mom found him with an overdose of meds (he had percident and valium) and she got him to hospital and got stomach pumped.
He had the gift of being a super salesman, and that could also get him into trouble by over selling. He also was bound and determined to be a millionaire by 40. He made it to $800,000+ by 36, then everything fell apart and it's been down hill since then.
I'm rather in shock, but the last time I saw him he looked really ill. Like a dark grey puddle of a person walking laboriously. I felt sorry for him, and knew I was over the hurt he caused =
I sure hope he made his peace with God before going.
Thanks for listening/reading. And I don't know why I'm crying - I've seen him twice since 1984. I guess memories of the good that was, and sad for what could have been.
He never saw any of his grandchildren, and since 1984 saw one of the girls once and the other twice. His choice and circumstances.
Angie
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"Live your life, and forget your age." Norman Vincent Peale
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05/18/07, 12:12 AM
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Nohoa Homestead
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: SW Missouri near Branson (Cape Fair)
Posts: 5,398
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by AngieM2
I just got off the phone with my youngest daughter. She said her aunt (my ex-s sister) just called to tell her that the police had come to her house to tell her that Chuck (name changed to Jim, but I was married to Chuck) was found dead. They think it is probably a suicide, as he took important papers to a lawyer or something earlier this week. He was 60.
I feel so weird and sad, even though I have a lot of bad memories about him (the last years of marriage) I have some really good ones also. He did have suicide tendencies. Once before I met him he was looking for a book on suicide and some one got him to read "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill. Then after we were married, we had to live in a Country Music radio station for about a month, while he was a dj there - and he hated country music but needed the job. He was going to climb into the 50Kw transmitter box and wait for them to turn it on in the morning. And after the divorce, his mom found him with an overdose of meds (he had percident and valium) and she got him to hospital and got stomach pumped.
He had the gift of being a super salesman, and that could also get him into trouble by over selling. He also was bound and determined to be a millionaire by 40. He made it to $800,000+ by 36, then everything fell apart and it's been down hill since then.
I'm rather in shock, but the last time I saw him he looked really ill. Like a dark grey puddle of a person walking laboriously. I felt sorry for him, and knew I was over the hurt he caused =
I sure hope he made his peace with God before going.
Thanks for listening/reading. And I don't know why I'm crying - I've seen him twice since 1984. I guess memories of the good that was, and sad for what could have been.
He never saw any of his grandchildren, and since 1984 saw one of the girls once and the other twice. His choice and circumstances.
Angie
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He sounds like a man who had a lot of inner conflict. Circumstances beyond your (or anyone's) control. Sometimes people aren't put together right and sometimes life turns them into who they are.
I have had a few old boyfriends die and it was a totally weird feeling. I can imagine that an ex-husband would be an even weirder feeling. I'm sure you are crying for what could have been. A sad life gone wrong.
Hugs
donsgal
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Life is what happens while you are making other plans. (John Lennon)
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05/18/07, 12:17 AM
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: Western WI
Posts: 388
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Angie, so sorry for you and DD's...Of course your crying, you loved him enough once to marry him and he was the father of your children. It sounds like he had a sad life and thats hard too. Hope the DDs are OK.
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We are the Musicmakers, and We are the Dreamers of Dreams...
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05/18/07, 12:21 AM
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Living in the Hills
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: South Dakota
Posts: 4,534
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He was part of you for a long time and now he is gone. Your tears are healing old pain and new grief.
Love,
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05/18/07, 12:40 AM
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: N E Texas
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Angie
I'm sorry for your DD's and for you. It's hard to know how one will grieve in a situation like this. There is the memories of the past good and the hopes and dreams shared, dissapointments and anger of loss, the sadness of what was missed by you and the girls as a family, the fulity of a life wasted. I'd expect tears to be normal.
Halo
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formerly known as HaloHead
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"... And what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?" Micah 6:8
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05/18/07, 12:49 AM
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writing some wrongs
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: SW Ohio
Posts: 6,868
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I'm so sorry, Angie. Of course you're crying and need to grieve. I still have love for my ex, even though he did so many things to not deserve it, and I don't even have any children with him. I'd grieve a whole lot if he died. Even if you were separated for a long time, your loss is still real. {{{{hugs}}}}
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05/18/07, 01:24 AM
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Very Dairy
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Dysfunction Junction
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Don't let anyone tell you you're not entitled to grieve just because he's your ex!
My first husband died in 1997 at age 30 of a heart attack ... I was devastated ... and one of the worst things about it was nobody and I mean NOBODY around me understood ...
I know what you're going through and you have my utmost sympathy ...
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"I love all of this mud," said no one, ever.
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05/18/07, 01:37 AM
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Perpetually curious!
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: North Central Michigan
Posts: 2,747
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I'm sorry.............. 
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05/18/07, 02:37 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Ms, the village of Chunky
Posts: 31
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by willow_girl
Don't let anyone tell you you're not entitled to grieve just because he's your ex!
My first husband died in 1997 at age 30 of a heart attack ... I was devastated ... and one of the worst things about it was nobody and I mean NOBODY around me understood ...
I know what you're going through and you have my utmost sympathy ...
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Yep. Like she said.I've dreaded this as well. Angie I'm sorry. It's ok to grieve for what ever reason.You are in my thoughts.Open the windows and enjoy a cool nights sleep,for what its worth. Jim
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05/18/07, 05:50 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Whiskey Flats(Ft. Worth) , Tx
Posts: 8,708
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.................He added value too your life Angie and you should acknowledge that aspect of your mirrage even though he could have been a much better father in abstentia . You can't help but feel sorry for his demise . , fordy... 
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05/18/07, 06:27 AM
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Big Front Porch advocate
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Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 44,406
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Thanks for the kind words. It really is weird, this feeling of a strange loss.
My oldest stayed in touch with him more than the youngest, and I've not heard from her yet. Linda (his sister) called the older sister after the younger last night, and then they talked some and younger called me. She called three times in 10 minutes and I didn't hear the cell phone, but saw that many calls, so called back to see what was wrong. That's when she told me. D (youngest) did really remember him much - She was almost 3 when we left. But, P the older was about 5 when we left and has some imbeded not so great memories, and remembers a bit of when we were a family - it's hitting her a bit worse I'd think. I'll get in touch with her today.
It's a bummer, but P and I both have to be at work today, but it may take our minds off it.
I just thing Chuck won't have anyone at his funeral. His parents are dead and his sister is somewhere I think in PA, and I don't know if she'd have enough money for a flight to Denver to arrange much of anything. I do know D said that sister hoped he left enough to pay for a funeral/burial.
Angie
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"Live your life, and forget your age." Norman Vincent Peale
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05/18/07, 06:59 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Alabama
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Sympathy for you and the kids. In a way this is similar to a parent (yours) dying. We no longer live with them but they were a very integral part of our life and no matter how we parted that will never change.
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05/18/07, 07:50 AM
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Max
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Near Traverse City Michigan
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you are a sweetheart angie. Im sorry that you have to go through this
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05/18/07, 07:54 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Georgia
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Oh my goodness, Angie. What a shocker. As evil as my ex is, I know I'll be sad when he's gone. We did have some good times. It's a shame when a person has sucha sad life and seemingly never got it right before that die. I'm so sorry.
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Sometimes the last minute is the best one.
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05/18/07, 08:02 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
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I'm sorry to hear that Angie.. ((hugs)) take care of yourself.
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05/18/07, 08:15 AM
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Join Date: May 2002
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Oh Angie, I don't know what to say. I fully understand your grief. When my ex's business was destroyed by fire and he had two heart attacks, I cried. Those men were a part of our past.
Your DD's may go through a variety of emotions in the coming months.
As for you, take good care of yourself and cry if you need to.
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05/18/07, 08:20 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 948
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My condolences to you and the girls. I wish you all strength and good humor as you remember him together.
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05/18/07, 08:27 AM
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CF, Classroom & Books Mod
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 9,936
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I'm sorry, Angie. Don't question grief -- it will happen as it happens. Hug your girls, and hang in there.
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Ignorance is the true enemy.
I've seen the village, and I don't want it raising my children.
www.newcenturyhomestead.com
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05/18/07, 08:43 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Central Washington
Posts: 1,194
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I'm sorry...my thoughts are with you and your girls.
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Sometimes money costs too much.
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05/18/07, 08:51 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 5,553
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Angie, if for no other reason you have the right to grieve because it is very likely that you always had a little hope that something would take place that would show this man what he could have also had with two beautiful innocent children, death has taken that away from you and them.
I'm sorry for your and especially you daughters' loss, and wish you all well.
You are a kind, caring, thoughtful person.
Marlene
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It is the one with persistence and determination that brings great ideas into being.
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