Please pray for my cousin and wife

[longshadowfarms]

I've never done this here on the board but my cousin's wife called 4 times last night and I fear she is close to a nervous breakdown. She immigrated from China about 2 yrs ago so she is still in the midst of culture shock. She left behind a good job as an accountant and has had to start school all over here and of course it is not in her native language so that makes it more difficult. She has been doing well in school and is one of only 3 students in her major to be earning high honors. My cousin was diagnosed a few months ago with advanced aggressive lymphoma. He is doing fairly well on the chemo but it is a brutal regimine and he is unable to work. They have been living with his mother in order to save $ but his mother is either mentally ill (very possible) or she is just naturally vicious. At any rate she seems to have nothing better to do than to torture Kat (cousin's wife). When Eric is home he is a buffer and she doesn't bother her much but Eric has been hospitalized for almost 3 weeks straight (chemo and then pneumonia) and Kat is really taking a lot of heat. She is having a lot of finals, papers and exams, and is now getting to a point where she can hardly keep her mind working as it should. She says she means to write down 1234 and will write down 4213. Please keep her in your prayers for the next few weeks.

[Tracy Rimmer]

Is it possible for her to come and stay with you, even through finals, so that she's better able to study? Those qualifications may be mroe important now than ever for them.

[WildernesFamily]

Wow, Kat really has a lot on her plate right now. I'm praying and will continue to do so.

[longshadowfarms]

Originally Posted by Tracy Rimmer

Is it possible for her to come and stay with you, even through finals, so that she's better able to study? Those qualifications may be mroe important now than ever for them.

I and my mom have both offered but unfortunately we are an hour away and she doesn't drive that well so it isn't very practical. I have also offered to pick her up and bring her home any time she needs a break but she really hasn't been able to get even a few days. Keeping up her grades is important for the scholarships she desperately needs. Someone in her church has offered to have her at her house but the lady is Chinese also and I believe there is some sort of cultural "saving face" kind of thing at work in keeping her from doing that for some reason. I have tried to encourage her to do it but I'm not sure that wouldn't be harder for her. I really don't quite understand that part of it.

[suburbanite]

Longshadow, maybe if you sit down with her and discuss the 'saving face' issue and that it isn't an issue here in the US, plus the fact that she shouldn't have to put up with the verbal abuse at home even if that would be expected of her in China.

[Alice In TX/MO]

Find them a small apartment. Pay for it. Get everyone to help out. Move them.

[tinetine'sgoat]

Ahh, poor dear. Prayers here for her and for all of you that are involved.

[Terri]

Perhaps you could drive her to your place every Friday evening and then return her when the weekend is over? She could study at your place.

[Madame]

She's in my prayers. During the time that your cousin isn't home, I suggest she pack a lunch and spend the day at the university library where she will have peace and quiet for studying.

[Shepherd]

I think Madame has a very good idea there. And possibly the idea of getting them a small studio apartment or something... anything.

Bless their hearts!

[caroline00]

does she have a lock on her bedroom door?

could someone explain to MIL that her treatment of Kat does affect her sons chances of recovery/life expectancy? If she cannot be civil for Kat, maybe she will for her sons health?

Does it make sense to her that if Kat can finish the program well, there will be more household money available?

[longshadowfarms]

Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers! We've been through 100 possibilities and it seems that nothing will work out. I could afford to help them for a few months with an apartment but that isn't reallistic without long-term help. She doesn't seem to have the "save face" issue with Americans, just with other Chinese people. It seems to be so strongly ingrained in her culturally. She spends most of her time at the library already. She is there until it closes at 9 pm every night. There is no reasoning with my aunt. She has been this way as long as I have known her so there isn't a lot of hope that she will change. All Kat can do is try to respond in a way that doesn't allow her the satisfaction of knowing that she is being successful in her attempts to fight. I keep trying to encourage her not to allow my aunt to change her! She was able to talk with her pastor from China today and was greatly encouraged! I'm so relieved! She also talked with Eric's doctor who is convinced that Eric is doing very well. If this is truly the last round of chemo then he will be home to help keep his mom in line. She had planned to turn right around and take a very challenging summer course almost immediately. If she can get the $ back from that course I think she will drop it. She really needs a break! If that works out then she will probably go to my parent's house and/or here for a while.

[bugstabber]

done

[ellebeaux]

tell her to talk to the university about taking a leave of absence in a way that won't affect her grades or her scholarships. This is a very reasonable request given the circumstances.

Good luck!

B.