My Mom Needs Me to Take her....

Peacock · #1 05/02/07, 07:58 AM

...to the BMV today.

Her drivers' license expires on Friday, and so she needs to go in and renew it.

Does anybody see the irony in this?

If you missed it, let me repeat: My mom needs me to drive her to the BMV today so she can renew her drivers' license.

Ah, but I guess if I were in her shoes I'd want a license too, even if I never used it again. Just to have it, to know that if I had a reason to drive someplace it'd be legal for me to do so. She's not ready to give up yet.

I have a suspicion, though, that they won't give it to her. My mom shouldn't be driving. She can hardly walk across the room without hanging on to furniture, walls, rails, or my kids' shoulders for balance and guidance. She feels dizzy and blames it on her eyesight, which may be true. I think it's also because she never goes anyplace. If all I did was sit and watch TV or read all day -- for months at a time -- I'd be dizzy and disoriented too.

But think good thoughts, either way. I guess on one hand I want her to get the license, just because she'll be happy, and she probably won't ever drive again anyway. OTOH, if they do give it to her, I am very worried about the system and all the other folks who really shouldn't be driving anymore.

thequeensblessing · #2 05/02/07, 08:02 AM

I went through this with my mom not too many months ago. She has her license, but she doesn't drive any more. I was shocked they even gave her a license to be honest. But this lisence seems to be her last link with true "independence", so she clings to it. I'm kinda surprised she hasn't framed it and put it in her room.

(Mom lives with us)

Dente deLion · #3 05/02/07, 08:40 AM

Maybe she only wants it in case she gets carded at the liquor store.

olehippy · #4 05/02/07, 08:56 AM

We went through the same thing with my Grandmother, she really did not want to give up that license. So we let her get the license & took away her car, believe me she wasn't too happy.

Burbsteader · #5 05/02/07, 11:42 AM

Please tell me that she doesn't have a car to drive in her condition. If you don't want to confront her, then disable the car so it won't start.

Some of the elderly people getting behind the wheel scare me.

DH's grandmother was allowed to drive far too long and was convinced that all the damage to her car (both sides!) was done by the garbage truck.
What she was doing was scraping her car up against the sides of other vehicles in the parking lot and she had no idea. Both sides of her car had dents and creases along the whole length of the car. I can only imagine what the other vehicles looked like.

DH and I are not looking forward to the day when his parents won't be able to drive anymore, but I can't stomach the thought of them getting hurt or hurting someone else.

DixyDoodle · #6 05/02/07, 02:02 PM

Quote:

I have a suspicion, though, that they won't give it to her. My mom shouldn't be driving. She can hardly walk across the room without hanging on to furniture, walls, rails, or my kids' shoulders for balance and guidance.

Don't be too sure she won't get that licence.

One time, my mother and I were walking back to my car in a local parking lot. We got walking behind an elderly lady that was using TWO canes, one in each hand, and was walking verrrrry slow. Imagine our amazement and shock when we realized she was parked beside us and got behind the wheel!!!

Can you imagine the circumstances if a little child ran out in front of her, or a vehicle stopped quickly in front of her? And this lady probably DID have a licence, that's the scary part. Should it not be a requirement that if someone is disabled like that, that the doctor should tell them that they can't drive until they are physically capable? There is NO WAY this lady could have worked the brakes quickly enough in the case of the need for a sudden stop.

On the other hand, some people just like the independence to just say that they have their licence---even if they don't use it. And the licence makes for good ID, some stores will not accept a whole heck of a lot of other IDs for things.

Peacock · #7 05/02/07, 02:03 PM

Nah, my mom doesn't drive. She just wants to think she can if she wants to. We've been trying to get her to sell her car, and she's not ready. So we borrow it every now and then and take it for a drive so it doesn't rot in her garage.

Well, they gave her the license. (sigh)

So when we came out, I handed her my keys and said (joking) "OK, you drive." She said no. Why? She wouldn't drive MY car. I have a minivan. She has a minivan. But mine is different. She doesn't like driving unfamiliar cars, never has. She said "If I kill myself driving my own car, at least nobody's with me." Yeah, but I pointed out that the real problem is who she hits while doing so.

I wouldn't worry too much, though. My mom is, and has always been, the world's most cautious driver.

Mom told me about her neighbor, who knows a lady at the BMV and goes in when it's not busy to PRACTICE before she takes her actual test, so she memorizes the letters on the screen and is familiar with the way the lights flash on each side. Mom said that if she had to do that in order to pass...uh, maybe driving isn't such a hot idea.

Old folks can be so stubborn.

Mom's going to be 74 on Friday. My Mom Needs Me to Take her.... - Countryside Families

Alice In TX/MO · #8 05/02/07, 02:28 PM

As long as you realize it's a self esteem and identity issue, and not really to be used as a driver's license, it makes sense.

DixyDoodle · #9 05/02/07, 04:27 PM

Quote:

I wouldn't worry too much, though. My mom is, and has always been, the world's most cautious driver.

I thought you said she doesn't drive? LOL

My MIL is also one of those cautious drivers and sometimes they are just as if not more dangerous than a crazy driver. My MIL brakes for squirrels that "look like" they may cross the road, brake repeatedly on curves (instead of slowing down beforehand), drives well below the speedlimit (and if impeding traffic doesn't drive people into road rage, I don't know what does), and just plain doesn't know much about driving when it comes to stuff like roundabouts, right-of-way, lane changing, etc. I would NOT want to be in her car on the (fortunately rare) times she drives. An overly cautious driver is often insecure or unsure and that can make them a menace on the roads.

My mother was the same way. We cringed when she went out sometimes. She drove with some odd tactics she'd learned from misinformed other drivers: if someone tailgates you, tap your brakes to make them stop, brake several times in succession to get a driver's attention when you are close to making a turn, signal to turn several hundred/thousand yards in advance (you know, wayyyy too early),.... Way back when in some places, you didn't have to take lessons to get a licence, you know, just learn as you go. And the roads/rules are different now. My friend's mom walked in, filled out a written test, and was given a licence. Ack, scary thought. How many years ago would that have been, she's in her late 70's now?

Anyhow, hopefully your mom will stay away from the car. Even mine finally admitted that her reflexes were not compatible with driving. I like to think that another person's life takes precedence over a driver's feeling of independence, and I guess she did too. God forbid, I will probably be in her shoes someday too.

Peacock · #10 05/02/07, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DixyDoodle

I thought you said she doesn't drive? LOL

My MIL is also one of those cautious drivers and sometimes they are just as if not more dangerous than a crazy driver.

.

Yeah. Heehee! My mom has probably driven a sum total of 5 times all last year, between her condo and the grocery 1/4 mile away. At 10 mph. The road to the grocery happens to be my DH's mail route, and he's seen her a couple of times. Fortunately it's a quiet residential neighborhood, so no harm done.

When she first had carotid artery surgery a couple years ago, I pushed her to do more things for herself like driving to the grocery because she'd gotten very used to being "babysat" and waited upon and I thought this kind of tough love was good for her. I still think she needs to do more things for herself, but driving isn't one of them. She's come to enjoy being chauffeured around, and DH often stops in on his way home to bring her things from the store, so no worries.

largentdepoche · #11 05/02/07, 11:48 PM

I worry with MIL because she has dementia and she sometimes forgets where she parked the car. If your Mom's driving gets so bad she could injure someone or herself...it's time then her liscense and car keys mysteriously disappear

...you can grind the car key down to a nub, all sorts of things.

Katrina

Jen H · #12 05/03/07, 12:06 AM

We had to flat take the cars away to get my FIL to stop driving. He still goes on about it and is furious with Husband. But, the man really was a menace on the road. He couldn't manage roundabouts or 4-way stops, couldn't figure out that the red left turn arrows didn't apply to through traffic, and habitually swerved way to the right when any cars where on-coming. He was downright scary.

And yes, he was able to get a new driver's license with no trouble at all. They didn't test him or anything.

DixyDoodle · #13 05/03/07, 05:11 AM

Quote:

I worry with MIL because she has dementia and she sometimes forgets where she parked the car.

If that's a sign of dementia, then probably a good portion of people have it! Almost everyone forgets where they park the car sometimes.

In another recent post here, I brought up my own lack of memory: I forgot my hubby! Left him waiting for me for over an hour; I was supposed to pick him up, not 15 minutes after leaving the house. LOL Now THAT is not a good sign of things to come.