Teenagers and alcohol

[Wayne02]

How do you handle the issue of alcohol with your teenagers? Strictly prohibited in your home or...?????? I'm not asking what the legal drinking age is, I'm asking how you handle this subject as a parent.

I ask this because of a talk radio program I listened to yesterday on this subject. The subject was spurred by yet another tragic teen drinking situation that happened this week. Teenage girl drank a bunch of beers (15 I think) and then proceeded to crash the car, killing two teens in the car.

There seemed to be two camps of thought on the subject based on the callers to the show.

1. Teen consumption of alcohol in the home is prohibited, and it is assumed that said teens would/could make the right judgement calls with regards to alcohol when away from home with friends. Judgement call meaning they would abstain from drinking ANY alcohol when in such situations, just like they are prohibited from drinking at home.

2. A surprising number of parents (mostly moms) called in and said they make an effort to "introduce" their teens to alcohol in a "social setting" in the home. Meaning they let the teen have some wine with dinner like the adults, or drink a beer once in awhile with adults etc. Their theory being they would rather the teens be introduced to alcohol in a more controlled "social drinking" environment vs. the teens hanging out with their friends in the store parking lot binge drinking and then driving. The thought process was it sort of demystifies the allure of alcohol when introduced in this fashion and makes it less of a "big deal" to teens.

What say you parents about this subject?????

[donsgal]

Originally Posted by Wayne02

How do you handle the issue of alcohol with your teenagers? Strictly prohibited in your home or...?????? I'm not asking what the legal drinking age is, I'm asking how you handle this subject as a parent.

I ask this because of a talk radio program I listened to yesterday on this subject. The subject was spurred by yet another tragic teen drinking situation that happened this week. Teenage girl drank a bunch of beers (15 I think) and then proceeded to crash the car, killing two teens in the car.

There seemed to be two camps of thought on the subject based on the callers to the show.

1. Teen consumption of alcohol in the home is prohibited, and it is assumed that said teens would/could make the right judgement calls with regards to alcohol when away from home with friends. Judgement call meaning they would abstain from drinking ANY alcohol when in such situations, just like they are prohibited from drinking at home.

2. A surprising number of parents (mostly moms) called in and said they make an effort to "introduce" their teens to alcohol in a "social setting" in the home. Meaning they let the teen have some wine with dinner like the adults, or drink a beer once in awhile with adults etc. Their theory being they would rather the teens be introduced to alcohol in a more controlled "social drinking" environment vs. the teens hanging out with their friends in the store parking lot binge drinking and then driving. The thought process was it sort of demystifies the allure of alcohol when introduced in this fashion and makes it less of a "big deal" to teens.

What say you parents about this subject?????

Not a parent myself (thank goodness), but my philosophy is that you do not drink until you are 21 years old and if you are caught drinking the police are called and you are delt with accordingly (along with the person who supplied the alcohol to you). Alcohol is a PRIVILEGE afforded to adults and is not for children. The absolute strongest and harshest punishment available should be given to young offenders. The singular exception being that you may have a 1/2 glass of wine with your dinner, because in my culture (Italian), wine is a beverage and not considered an alcoholic beverage even though it has alcoholic content.

Children (i.e. people under 21) have no business drinking.

donsgal

[moopups]

I agree with the second approach, remove the mystery and you have removed the lure. But make sure they get commode hugging drunk a time or two just to reinforce the idea. The joys of their first hangover!

[Ardie/WI]

My mother made alcohol absolutely forbidden. Terrible stuff. So, guess what! I wanted to drink it.

Bringing up my kids, alcohol was no big deal. It was there, right in the refigerator or cupboard. They saw adults drinking it. I can't speak for my DS, but alcohol isn't a big deal for my DD.

Forbidden fruit is very tempting.

Throw peer pressure at teenagers and they usually fold.

[pookshollow]

I don't have kids either (not the two-legged kind, anyway!) but when I was growing up, my parents went for option #2.

There would be wine with dinner for special occasions (Christmas, New Year etc.) and once we became teenagers, we were allowed to have a 1/2 glass. When I was out of high school and away from home, I never went crazy over drinking - it was no big deal or mystery.

I had a friend growing up in high school - her parents wouldn't allow her to do anything! No boyfriends, never went to school dances, never allowed to touch alcohol in the home. When she got away and went to college, she promptly got pregnant. Don't know about drinking though.

I think if children are introduced to things in a supervised setting with boundaries spelled out, they are much less likely to go overboard when they're on their own.

[Peacock]

I believe it is legal for minors to consume alcohol if accompanied by their parents - during a meal, or a tiny glass of champagne on New Year's. I personally don't have a problem with this for my own children. My 11 year old DD has asked to have a small glass next New Year's Eve, and I told her she can.

Our kids have unfortunately seen examples of people who drink to excess and have seen that it doesn't exactly help them in terms of success, looks, or happiness. They've also seen people who drink moderately and live normal lives. I'd hope that by the time they're old enough to make that choice, they can tell the difference.

[Dorothea]

i had always told my DD( now 23) if she was stupid enough to drink be smart and call home for a ride there will be no punishment or lectures but i will not be quite so you can nurse your hangover,,that took away the peer pressure cause who wants to call their mom ,,,i am now telling my 13 year the same thing by all means i am not giving them permisson just trying to keep them alive,,,and yes my 13 already called me for a ride home cause the parent that was picking her up was drunk...I am very proud of her...and yes my kids give about a 1/4 cup of wine or coolers at holidays

[PinkBat]

It doesn't matter which way you choose for your child....it all still depends on the child.

I was raised in your number 2. scenario. Wine and beer in Germany was legal from the age of 16....hard liquor from age 18. For me there wasn't any mystery regarding alcohol and I drank some beer or champagne on special occasions as a teen.....then around age 18 I drank pretty regularly and heavily. Since age 21 I don't drink anymore.

My son was raised in your number 1. scenario, with a non-drinking mother and a dad who drinks beer but doesn't get intoxicated. My son didn't drink as a teen and doesn't drink now as a soldier. He sees no value in it, he says.

[Becca65]

I had my share of drinks when i was a teenager, well I was 19 when i had my first drink.. mom and dad knew i was drinking but they didn't know where i was getting the alcohol and i wasn't very responsible either i will admit that..My dh has never touched alcohol because his father had some drinking problems so he just never wanted to get into it.. So we have no alcohol in the house my daughter doesn't seem a bit interested in it.. she's 16 and says right now she's never going to drink, but i tell her when she's old enough theres nothing wrong with going out socially after work or whatever for a few drinks, doesn't mean she has to get drunk..
I'm sure she'll be curious, but she knows about drinking and driving and the bad things that can happen, I lost one of my best friends to it and she was only 30 yrs old, and daughter knows how that affected me..
I don't agree with letting them drink at home either.. I think the parents have to set a good example and maybe the kids won't be as interested when they get older..My coworker she says if my kids are out drinking i'm taking them to a autopsy and show them the damage alcohol and drugs can do.. But she says that and in another breath she's out drinking and smoking, thats not setting a good example at all, it's more like do as i say not as i do.. sends a confusing message IMHO..

[mowrey1999]

we never kept alcohol in the house and I told the kids from a early age if I ever seen them drink or take any drugs they were out of the house period, They are now into there 20,s and out of the house and in there own homes , I have never seen them ever take a drink or at a bar,that includes graduating high school and college , so I am glad it turned out that way . I know it always doesnt turn out that way but I wouldnt put up with it and even if they were teenagers I would have kicked them out and told them to not come back, just my opinion

[Freeholder]

Alcohol wasn't an issue that ever came up in our home. We didn't drink, though my in-laws would serve a glass of wine with special dinners and sometimes I'd have half a glass of that (didn't like it, was being polite and finally started asking for juice instead). The girls weren't in public school; they were homeschooled, and then in a very small and well-supervised private school, and alcohol was just never part of the atmosphere. They don't drink now, and I doubt they ever will. It's just not the way our family is.

Kathleen

[1GandJ1]

Good question...
The way we handled it was.......Education of very basic understandings of addictive behavior.
I was clued in (back in the 70's when I was preteen) that there was addicitive genes in the family. I was explained on the dangers and pitfalls of additive bahaviors. As I grew up I did notice my personal struggles with weight and other things and did understand the dangers of additive behavior. I learned that if you don't even try something once then it is not an issue.
I am middle age and have never tasted alcohol. No not even beer. It has never been an issue for me. Never had to worry about the down falls.
My DW agreeed to pass this style of raising our two and it has worked fine. Neither child have tried it, or drugs. It is their decision to make. We always encourage each child to figure it out and make a sound decision. If in the future they choose to drink thats fine with me..... to each their own.

How many of the people here wish, oh wish they had never taken the first drink or tried their first drug?

Oh, and applying this to porn works just as well too. Don't go after it, not even once and you won't be a slave to it......

[Jen H]

I grew up in a Greek family. Wine is just a beverage to drink with dinner, and not a big deal. My siblings and I grew up having our wine along with my parents, and alcohol in general just wasn't a big deal. None of us went overboard in college because there wasn't any mystery or taboo about alcohol.

If the child thing ever works out for Husband and I, we'll raise our children the same way.

[WildernesFamily]

I've been wondering the same thing, as our oldest is now 12. We have very open, frank discussions with our children about alcohol, smoking, drugs, etc. and the dangers related to all of it.

I think more depends on the actual child AND educating the child about the dangers of drinking/driving/being drunk and the dangers of being out of control of your body (more than just the driving part) than introducing/not introducing alcohol.

I say this because my husband was brought up in a home where there was not a drop of alcohol, ever.

I was brought up in a home where we had wine for special occasions and from the time I was about 9 I was allowed a sip or two, graduating up to half a glass as a teen and so on. I had my first taste of beer at a very young age. My brother drank beer when he came over for a BBQ etc. and as young teenagers we were allowed to drink "beer shandies" (Sprite mixed with a little beer) at such events.

So different approaches for both of us, and guess what? BOTH of us went out and got stupid drunk a time or four when out with friends... for myself it was before I was even at the legal drinking age (which is 18 in South Africa where we're both from originally.) Neither of us drove a car while drunk, or got in a car with a drunk person at any time though... those TV shows about resulting car crashes and the death and pain involved made quite an impression. Oh, and we weren't dating at the time, and weren't in the same group of friends either, just in case you thought we were influencing each other.

Our parents never found out about our little drinking sprees and they were quite involved with our lives, and both sets of parents are good, concerned parents. Yup, they still think they raised angels in that regard

Today neither of us drink, alcohol just holds no interest for us, so there is never any alcohol in our home... some people have asked us what type of "weird" religion we belong to that doesn't allow alcohol or smoking.. but it's just a personal choice.

So either way doesn't really seem to have made a difference.

I also have to say... there seems to be more of a problem here with drunk teenage drivers than in South Africa. Do you think it has something to do with the fact that in SA you can get a driver's license at 18, and can also drink legally at 18? Here you can get a license at 18, but only legally drink at 21.

[Reauxman]

My, and 95% of my friends parents had a simple rule. If you don't have a SOBER driver, call. There will be no questions asked when they get there.

I never called my parents as I saw it as they would know where I was(usually a someone's house when the parents weren't around). I had a boss who was more of a friend and I called him almost weekly. In fact, I called him last month when we "forgot" to get a DD.

I agree with the "ignore it and they will go wild". My parents never did try to hide the fact that both of them drink socially. I have friends whose parents were the kind to act as if alcohol didn't exist and those are the ones who now can't go a day in their life without a drink. We live in a very drinking friendly area(SE Louisiana) and it is more a part of culture than anything. Find a crawfish boil or BBQ free of beer and daiquiris and you ae probably not in SE LA. Cops will not arrest a minor for drinking, unless they are driving. It is however legal to drink under the supervision of parent or guardian between 18 and 21.

If you can't trust your kid and their friends enough to have a DD, then perhaps they should be kept under lock and key. Schools around here do an awesome job of making sure students know the danger of drinking and driving, and I can honestly say I do not know anyone who drives drunk.

[deanm]

I don't have kids and probably never will, but I don't think it matters. It's all about peer pressure, the type of kids your kids fall in with, and how they emotionally mature.

I think the best a parent could do is give them the most honest, direct, informed and broad-minded education/advice you can and hope for the best. (Which is probably why I have really no intention or desire to be a parent.)

[Becca65]

I don't know about that My mom and dad both drank.. We always had alcohol in the house, and all of us kids drank.. we seen it was ok so we did it too.. none of us did drugs though.
I think if you don't see your parents drinking chances are your not going to take up the habit either.
And i don't think it has anything to do with being homeschooled either, you do what you see.. If you talk to your kids about the dangers of drinking and drugs, hopefully they will listen and not do it..I went to the public schools, but never took up drinking til after graduation.
Now that i look back I feel bad i put my mom and dad through the worrying, wondering when i would be home, and if i was drinking or not.. and I was..boy those were the days though, I just hope my daughter doesn't put me through that.. but she says now she isn't going to drink at all, we'll see i guess.

[Wags]

If one parent or grandparent is an alcoholic (or have addictive personalities) a child is 40% more likely to become an alcoholic then a child that doesn't have that factor in their make-up. If there are two parents and/or grandparents that are alcoholic then the odds go up to 70% that a child will become and alcoholic.

Many of the teenage alcoholics I worked with said that they started very young - and were pretty much addicted from the first sip. And the vast majority had parents that were heavy drinkers and/or drug users.

My family does not drink. Being forbidden from drinking did not make me want to try it. The way my folks talked about it - alcohol and other drugs were for losers that didn't have the ability to make something of themselves. We were always told we were bright and capable so why trash our future by being stupid? Yeah, we were snobs about it. As an adult I have an occasional drink, but it's not something that holds any fascination or desire for me. (Which is good since grandpa was an alcoholic).

[WildernesFamily]

Originally Posted by Wags

My family does not drink. Being forbidden from drinking did not make me want to try it. The way my folks talked about it - alcohol and other drugs were for losers that didn't have the ability to make something of themselves. We were always told we were bright and capable so why trash our future by being stupid? Yeah, we were snobs about it. As an adult I have an occasional drink, but it's not something that holds any fascination or desire for me. (Which is good since grandpa was an alcoholic).

Wags, I really hope and pray this method works, for this is what we're doing with our children. Hubby and I discussed this topic more this afternoon and came to realize that our parents never really sat down and talked to us about drinking, smoking or drugs. In my home drinking was socially acceptable and no big deal, and in hubby's home it was absolutely off limits and not discussed at all. We both tried the drinking and smoking, but never any drugs because the schools did a pretty good job about educating about that.

And if you decide to allow your child to try it under your supervision so it's no big deal, where do you draw the line? Do you let them try "recreational" drugs too so that it won't be a big deal to them? Do you allow them to try smoking so it won't be a big deal?

I think the most terrifying part of being a parent is knowing that you can do the very best you can, but in the end it is up to the child... so we just equip them the best we know how... and then PRAY AND PRAY AND PRAY!

[frugalwilady]

The way DH and I approached this is, honesty, and requiring total abstinence until they were legal adults. I too used the stats and my past to make the rule that they please at least wait until they were 18 to make an informed decision regarding alcohol.while they were growing up they saw their grandparents problem with it.(They owned a bar) They had specific rules when visiting about not being in the bar, that my parents learned to respect or visit them at my home. They also watched with me as my best friend slowly slid into alcoholism and what her kids go through. The oldest is a sophmore in college and does socially drink on occasion but mostly she ends up being the DD for her friends.(She says drinking and driving is attempted murder) My son is a Freshman in college and drinks more than his sister. He has experimented with pot.(My rebellious one) He had the same ubringing as his sister, but has made different choices. I haven't yet seen signs of a problem,but I watch very carefully and so does his sis. The youngest is 14 and just recently got treated like an alien because she said shes never tasted alcohol and doesn't care if she ever does. We live in an area where I've been called too strict for not letting them drink, where parents buy alcohol for a party for 13 yr olds, and take their underage kids along as drinking buddies to the bar. As you can tell from what I know about what the older 2 have tried, we have always talked openly about this subject myself included and that has been my best policy. I agree that all you can do is decide what approach fits how you feel on the subject, inform them as much as possible, and PRAY!