I really just cant believe it..

fellini123 · #1 03/23/07, 10:03 AM

Hello all, I'm not asking for advice, as there really isn't anything I can do. I just need to vent and you all get to hear!! LOL

My daughter is the one that lost her fiancee in November, quit her job, moved out of state and moved in with us in our one bedroom house.

Well she has been looking for a decent job, she got a small job at a family restraunt but didnt make much. She has been putting in resumes, and going on interviews. She has actually gotten a few jobs but when they check her credit score it is so low that they recind the job offer.

Ok so finally she finds a job that will take her, she is making $11 an hour. She started yesterday. When she got home she said the job went well, a bit boring but not too bad and that she was tired and would lay down a take a nap. 10 minutes later she was up and leaving the house quickly with no saying where she was going or anything.

Did she come home?? No not last night. This morning I asked hubby if she had come home at all, he said he heard her come home around 8:15 this morning. Now she is due at work at 8:30 and the job is a good 45 minutes away. So she is late her second day of work!!

After hunting for a job for over 3 months you would think she would be a bit smarter than that!!!

I went into her room to get something out of there the other day and on the desk is a pile of unopened bills. Car payments, insurance payments, womans hospital bills, student loan bills, and every day we get at least one of her creditors calling to talk with her. She is not here very often so they get upset and think I am covering for her. I asked her about the bills she says she is afraid to open them. I asked her if she thought that would make them go away....she shrugged.

I am tired of it. As I told a couple of the creditors, "If you call and leave a message I give it to her, what she does with it is her business, and I suggest you talk to her about it." But they get very beligerent about the whole thing, they have called me a liar and all sorts of things. Now I take a message and hang up.

If she looses this job I have no idea what she will do.
Alice in Virginia

giraffe_baby · #2 03/23/07, 10:07 AM

I dont want to sound mean or condensending. MAYBE what she needs (IF SHE does loose this job) is to be booted out and " fend" for herself. Seems like she is taking advantage of you and your husband and the whole situation. AND change your phone number, then they cant call (even after she leaves) cause they will keep calling till things are paid off.

Again sorry if i step on toes, just an outsider point of view.

Tracy Rimmer · #3 03/23/07, 10:08 AM

Alice, please don't take this the wrong way, but have you talked to your daughter about drugs? This sort of all-over-the-place behavior would be twigging my radar.

Dandish · #4 03/23/07, 10:13 AM

Alice - I feel for you; I have a son who has 'sputtered' the last couple years too. He seems to be kind of getting it together somewhat now, but in my opinion he is still not doing all the things he needs to do. I wish I could tell you how to motivate them. He was/is living inconsistent with how he was raised and got into some minor trouble, plus a boatload of debt. He's back home now, but still frustrating us. He's not pulling his weight around here and we have some serious stuff going on healthwise with my DH. Oh, he's almost 22 years old. If anyone had told me even 5 years ago I'd have a 22 year old "bum" living at home still I'd never have believed it. But after what we've gone through things seem to have gone from black and white to more a muddled gray. Seems that way with a lot of things as I get older.

One thing you can do to relieve some of your stress is to tell HER creditors, when they call, that this is NOT her phone number, she doesn't live here, and that they had better stop calling your phone number. At least it's worked for me. Well, that and caller ID. It's not like he/she doesn't know about the bills. It's tough to watch your kid be counterproductive to their own lives...and, to a degree, yours...

AngieM2 · #5 03/23/07, 10:17 AM

You have to decide what you are going to do when she loses this job.

Sorry it's happening.

Angie

FiddleKat · #6 03/23/07, 10:22 AM

Quote:

One thing you can do to relieve some of your stress is to tell HER creditors, when they call, that this is NOT her phone number, she doesn't live here, and that they had better stop calling your phone number.

I agree. Creditors will go to any low to get to you. Even though they do things they are not suppose to they will still do this.
We had one keep calling us for a someone we didn't even know. Apparently she had our phone number before we got it. It was Direct TV in fact, and I don't know how many times they would call, and I would tell them that we didn't know who this person was, and they would ask "are you sure?" Yeah, I think I would know if I had a complete stranger living in my house.

I know it may be harsh, but your daughter may need a reality check. I also agree with the one who mentioned drugs. Her behavior seems bizarre.

One thing I don't understand is why potential employers turn someone down for bad credit. Doesn't that really work against the process. If your getting a job to help pay your bills, and they don't want to give someone a job because of bad credit how do they expect a person to get out of that situation?

fordy · #7 03/23/07, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fellini123

Hello all, I'm not asking for advice, as there really isn't anything I can do. I just need to vent and you all get to hear!! LOL

My daughter is the one that lost her fiancee in November, quit her job, moved out of state and moved in with us in our one bedroom house.

Well she has been looking for a decent job, she got a small job at a family restraunt but didnt make much. She has been putting in resumes, and going on interviews. She has actually gotten a few jobs but when they check her credit score it is so low that they recind the job offer.

Ok so finally she finds a job that will take her, she is making $11 an hour. She started yesterday. When she got home she said the job went well, a bit boring but not too bad and that she was tired and would lay down a take a nap. 10 minutes later she was up and leaving the house quickly with no saying where she was going or anything.

Did she come home?? No not last night. This morning I asked hubby if she had come home at all, he said he heard her come home around 8:15 this morning. Now she is due at work at 8:30 and the job is a good 45 minutes away. So she is late her second day of work!!

After hunting for a job for over 3 months you would think she would be a bit smarter than that!!!

I went into her room to get something out of there the other day and on the desk is a pile of unopened bills. Car payments, insurance payments, womans hospital bills, student loan bills, and every day we get at least one of her creditors calling to talk with her. She is not here very often so they get upset and think I am covering for her. I asked her about the bills she says she is afraid to open them. I asked her if she thought that would make them go away....she shrugged.

I am tired of it. As I told a couple of the creditors, "If you call and leave a message I give it to her, what she does with it is her business, and I suggest you talk to her about it." But they get very beligerent about the whole thing, they have called me a liar and all sorts of things. Now I take a message and hang up.

If she looses this job I have no idea what she will do.
Alice in Virginia

..............The thing I wouldn't do is kick her out at this time in her life . That would put her out on the street and just amplify all her current finanical problems .
..............Get your phone number changed too an UNlisted number and I believe you can Block those numbers you donot wish to speak To . Even though her behavior is erratic she probably needs you Now , more than anyother time in her life . good luck , fordy...

AngieM2 · #8 03/23/07, 10:25 AM

Also, I think you can tell them and maybe have to send a certified letter also, to ONLY contact you/her via mail on this matter. No more phone calls.

Angie

Dente deLion · #9 03/23/07, 10:29 AM

On the calling creditors topic - laws may vary from state to state, but I believe that, once you tell them never to call again, it becomes illegal for them to do so.

I would NOT, as someone suggested, tell the callers that she doesn't live there, because she does. Lying will do nothing to alleviate the situation.

Dandish · #10 03/23/07, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fordy[B

]..............The thing I wouldn't do is kick her out at this time in her life . That would put her out on the street and just amplify all her current finanical problems[/B] .
..............Get your phone number changed too an UNlisted number and I believe you can Block those numbers you donot wish to speak To . Even though her behavior is erratic she probably needs you Now , more than anyother time in her life . good luck , fordy...

I agree. That's what happened to us (we didn't actually "kick him out" - it was more a mutual agreement that he had to leave). He basically felt that he was too hold to have OUR house rules apply to him. As bad as things were, he managed to mess them up even more on his own. It's a very tough position to be in; they make your life miserable and are almost unbearable, bringing upset to your home; but they can really do some permanent damage if you give them the boot and that worries you to death too. I can't tell you how many sleepless nights I've had over this guy only speculating where he was and what stupid thing he was doing.

**Terri** · #11 03/23/07, 10:39 AM

I will not give you advice on your daughter: you are the one in the hot seat and the situation is complicated.

I DO have a LITTLE advice for your level of stress! There is NOTHING more stressfull than trying to change things that somebody else is handling!

Things are MUCH less stressfull if you feel that you are in control.

So, find a place for your daughter to safely go but do NOT! send her there. The idea is to decrease YOUR stress by letting you know that she stays with you for as long as you and your husband allows, but not one moment more. That decreases the feeling of being trapped.

Or, so says Terri, who has given room and board to 2 nephews and a MIL so far. If I had no choice it would be a burden, but I HAD a choice so it was not.

Dandish · #12 03/23/07, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dente deLion

On the calling creditors topic - laws may vary from state to state, but I believe that, once you tell them never to call again, it becomes illegal for them to do so.

I would NOT, as someone suggested, tell the callers that she doesn't live there, because she does. Lying will do nothing to alleviate the situation.

It will alleviate her mom having to deal with very agressive, overly rude and overly persistent collectors that don't mind saying rediculous degrading things (lies included) to her. Maybe you've never had to deal with one. I don't mind telling that lie, and in fact was only a partial lie because at sometimes week to week it would change (him staying here or not). But, if you don't want to say that, it's not a lie to say it isn't HER phone number, certainly she's not paying the bill and it's not in her name.

Ardie/WI · #13 03/23/07, 10:55 AM

You knew what was needed to be done four months ago.

You know what needs to be done today.

Jan Doling · #14 03/23/07, 12:25 PM

You need Family Intervention.

heather · #15 03/23/07, 12:32 PM

Alice, I will say a prayer for your whole family.

Could you help her look into Credit Consolidation?

It may help to get the creditors off everyone's backs & give her some breathing room to not feel so overwhelmed

I know that's not her only problem right now, but it might solve one problem & let her have the energy to deal with others

caroline00 · #16 03/23/07, 01:09 PM

you didnt ask for advise so I wont give it...
but I am praying for you all.

giometriks · #17 03/23/07, 01:41 PM

This has already been suggested but set limits. Decide how long you'll allow her to stay with you and tell her that but base it on her actions. Figure out what you can live with and tell her in very plain language. ie...you may stay with us for 6 mos and then you must go elsewhere. While you are here you will....whatever those rules are. Let her know the consequences for not going by the family rules. Ask her what her plans are. Maybe even make her draw up a contract. She should be grateful for having the opportunity to get her act together in a safe place. If she's not grateful enough to live by the rules while she's in your home...she doesn't need to be there. If you've read Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and believe in it you might even give her a copy. It's the best book on finances that I've read...very hopeful as well. I feel for you. I know how painful the situation is. I've been there. Just remember even though she's your daughter...it's your home.

Brightest Blessings,

Suzi

susieM · #18 03/23/07, 01:43 PM

I want to know why they do credit checks at job interviews? And why?

caroline00 · #19 03/23/07, 01:47 PM

if I remember right, this is a step daughter and they are handling her the way her husband (the stepdaughters father) insists on handling it...

so her choice might be dump them both or put up with them... I dont think she sees this was worth that rash of a decision....

Fenrirwulf · #20 03/23/07, 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susieM

I want to know why they do credit checks at job interviews? And why?

The justification as I have heard is that someone that is in deep monetary trouble is more likely to steal. Also, if they are not responsible in the way they handle their own money it is less likely they will be responsible in regards to their job duties.