Parental Dilemma

One thing about it children are both flexible & forgiving so you will do the right thing, give it to God he'll give you the answer. I believe God also speaks through others.

__________________
"Contempt prior to investigation can leave a man in forever ignorance"
My paraphrase from a Herbert Spencer quote.

Glad you worked it out. For future reference, I think at some point I'd have a conversation about how you put aside $xx for each person in the family for Christmas and $xx for birthdays. Then tell her when she asks for something she needs to be aware that if it costs more than the amount budgeted she will not get it. The hard part of being a parent is saying no and seeing our kids disappointed. The good part is seeing them learn to handle disappointments without going off the deep end.

__________________
This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

As a mother of 3 adult humans?

Say what you mean, mean what you say.

Open, honest, frank discussions are always a good thing.

"Kids, we have X to spend on each child, your choice if you want (1) big thing or (3) little things, but this is the ceiling on how much will be spent".

__________________
I am sure of two things: There is a God, and I am not Him.
The movie Rudy

Maybe I'm to soft,,,in the head & heart both,,,

I'd find a way to get what she wants (asked for),,there's always a way..

I have to wonder about getting her something everyone can use????
That doesn't sound like a gift for a nine year old......

We asked what she liked to do and she mentioned Wii, so we got a "brain" game since we thought it might encourage her in her studies, but it's something everyone can play.

We decided to just call the Wii game a family gift, since she got a doll after all.

One possibility is Craig's list..

But I just don't buy expensive things for my kids. They can ask and I will straight up ask them, "where's the money?"

Yeah, like I'm getting you an iPad or a $400 gaming console.
You are 6 & 8.
Not.

My sister was "into" the American girl dolls when she was in elementary school. Didn't play with them but maybe never.
It was more of a trendy thing.
Put it in your backpack, take it to school to show your friends you have one, And never touch it again.

... sorry, I'm not that parent and I don't want that to be my kids.
It sets them up for failure in the future anyways

__________________
I always wondered why somebody didn't do something, then I realized I am somebody

It's about the brand name... Kids are taught early by TV that you gotta have the brand name.. Would a rich girl rather have a Gucci bag, or a Gicci bag, even if both looked almost identical?Kids are taught early by retailers it's all about social status..

__________________
Never let your fear decide your fate!
Kein Mitleid für die Mehrheit

We also have a set amount with kids and grandkids. We ask what they want and explain to the young ones they can either have one expensive gift or more cheaper ones. The older kids 9 and 13 ask for one thing, the younger always want more to open.

__________________
Just because you're offended doesn't mean you're right.

my kids are weird (like their parents) so your mileage may vary but my oldest dd still plays with her American Girl Doll, she just turned 12. . She has read all of the books, and reading the books seems to keep up her interest in the doll. If your girl is a reader, i suggest trying the books.

__________________
the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you, except yourself.

Your first mistake was to ask them what they want.She is going to be disappointed if she gets anything but the doll.You set yourself up on this one.

No. No mistake.

We asked for a wish list. The lists we got from them where paltry.

Our kids rarely get anything new so when we do give gifts we want to make sure its a meaningful item and something they have been wanting.

Gifts are her love language

few things...

1. Your emotions
How are you going to feel when she ignores an expensive doll? It's annoying enough to me when kids show no respect for cheap stuff.

2. Daughter's emotions
Notoriously sensitive... that would be the place to start. This sensitivity isn't going to handle life well... yes, she's nine, start teaching now.

3. Money
A clear understanding of money - its source, its outflow, its value, and its place in your worldview - these are invaluable gifts to give to children. Again... nine... not to late, not too early.

4. Addressing issues
At work, at home... anytime a group is addressed for an individual purpose, the ones that need to hear the message don't and the ones that don't have the problem wonder if they have done something wrong. If an individual person needs to be addressed, do that... privately.

All of this has been my cent and a half (see, I know what it's worth).

R

__________________
When faced with issues in life, where do you look for the problem; out the window, or in the mirror?

I have no problem with asking for a list. My kids learned early on that such a list was not a list of expectations, but a wish list. An idea list. They might get some things on the list, might get something not on the list, but can't expect anything. I think you'll be doing your daughter a favor by not getting something on the list. It will make her appreciate things more in the future.