Help me understand! Please weigh in....
 

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/11/09...cmp=latestnews

I don't get it.

Here is a man, who 'appears' to have it all.
Wife, children, prestige, power, money.
A reputation (good) in his professional community.
A representative of his religious community.

Underneath all of this "facade", lies a very different person.
Sinister. Selfish. Murderous. Fraud.

Questions

1. What drives a person to live a double life like this?

2. What drives a person to murder his own brother, and wife, abandoning his children, parading his mistress in their faces, driving his own son to suicide?

3. Does a person who lives such a secret, and double life, murder because the pressure to maintain the appearance / facade become too much and they crack?
Or is it just the pinacle of selfishness? Or is it something else?

4. How does one go 'undetected' for so long? How does EVERYONE (as it appears) MISS the 'red flags / ques' that 2 and 2 are not making 4?

Hatred can be just as strong as emotion, as love.

Some people just always have to have, the "upper hand".

Matrixing, people see what they are comfortable with. The ugly truth is sometimes just to painful to admit.

I have no answers, what some humans are capable of is simply way beyond my comprehension.

Socipath. Some people really are born this way. In their mind everything they do is part of HOW things LOOK to others. Not- is it right or wrong. They justify everything they do, as if it benefits them,it's OK, it's normal. "They" think everyone else thinks/belives as they do, going thru life doing as they please and if it hurts someone else-it doesn't matter. Watch the movie-Sleeping with the enemy.

Others do see it, but the sociopath have it so "all together" others dismiss their Hinky feelings.

Sociopath.

So it's not a 'chosen life style' it's "they were born this way"??
Is there a broken DNA code, or a gene misfire that produces such a monster?
And how does one detect such a monster??

It takes a certain background of upbringing to make it come out full force for some. They say around 5 years old is the cut off point.

I do not believe it for a second that it's only a "born that way" condition.

I never said "only". Can't say that with mental disorders. Laura ,I'll send you a PM with an interview. Wrote the book , Malignant Self- Love, clinical narcissism personality disorder.

I think we all have most of those behaviors innate in us. They allow us to survive competition.
But if the something that keeps the tension between what we want and a recognition the results of simply taking is very diminished, then the wants take over. At that point, a person must think that everyone is just like him only not so clever - that they all are acting, that only he can see through it all and make use of it. So he "acts" too in order to function but doesn't recognize that someone else might truly feel bad at hurting someone. I imagine he thinks of that reaction as "acting" if he notices it at all.

Entitlement? Grass is always greener? Smarter than the average bear? Thrill of the hunt? Lust? Greed? Warped justification? These are things that come to my mind when I hear of such tragic stories.

I believe that life is a series of choices. We all have those choices. That man made his choices freely and without hesitation.

Yes. Sociopath.
And yes.. the wiring in the brain is wrong.
Sociopaths learn from an early age that they are different and in order to survive they become perfect mimics.
They do everything perfectly. The right smile, the right words etc..
because if they don't learn to mimic what everyone else in society does... yikes.
There are more sociopaths out there than you could imagine.
I have known one.

Some people will destroy their own family to placate a mistress. Believe me, I know first-hand, which is why I left the marriage. It was a choice. Thought-out, calculated lies and deception. It was no accident and he knew exactly what he was doing. He lost a wife who loved him more than anything else, two kids, a dog and a life that I thought was truly good. The sad thing is that it doesn't matter what walk of life a person is from or what position in society they hold and that people look up to them and they're held to a higher standard of behavior...cheating doesn't know any social boundaries.

I truly don't understand how some people's minds work sometimes and though I have a Psych degree, it bothers me that I never will.

I dated one. I fell for the façade, even tho I had studied mental issues sinse a teen(we have mental illness in my family). Once I got away and put 2 and 2 together with what he had done to 2 other woman, I wrote him a letter and told him I belived he was a sociopath. It became of huge intrest to him, how I knew it, I suspect he has had counseling, and heard the same. I shut up, out of fear of him.

I think it's common that sociopaths are very intelligent, with an above average IQ. But maybe not much common sense at times. They may notice that they're smarter then a lot of people, and how easy it is to manipulate others, and manipulation becomes a great part of who they are and what they do. Ordinary life may bore them.
This man was a Doctor AND an attorney, so quite bright. Setting these goals was probably quite challenging at the time, and helped to bolster his already out of control ego from the accolades of his peers. I doubt if it was much, if at all, about helping others with either profession. Probably more about a means to an end. To have the money, prestige, admiration of others would be very important to him. If anyone noticed something not quite right about him, they probably would have given him a pass, or laughed it off, chalking it up to "quirkiness".
Sometimes the masquerade gets hard to juggle, and they start making mistakes. Sometimes they take stupid chances indulging in some other activities outside their "normal" life that everyone else sees and knows about them because they are bored and need more stimulation. They feel like they can handle it all, because they're sure they're smarter then everyone else.
I don't think they have emotions like regular people. They don't really know how to love, just how to pretend to love. They don't have any sympathy for others.
I believe I've known a couple of these people in my life. I just remembered something else...they seem to be a bit on the dare devil side. They take chances that others wouldn't. Maybe that helps to convince them that they're invincible, and/or for the attention it gets them.

I think for the most part it comes down to a total lack of empathy. Their own gratification and enjoyment is all that's important, no matter the consequences for others. The feeling of remorse a normal person would have never occurs to them.

We hear about serial murderers who as children tortured animals, usually a very bad sign, but in every other way appeared normal. The face they show the world is what they think the world wants to see.

Many times their crimes aren't violent, but devastating anyway. Bernie Madoff and Ted Bundy were both totally without empathy for their victims, they just acted out in different forms.

If this was the Political forum I'd continue.

Most of us feel connected to the people around us, and as the earth's most social animal, those ties are critically important. Just take a day to notice how much we rely on them - we rely on strangers to behave in predictable ways, and we rely on family and friends for all the obvious reasons. Some people apparently don't feel connected to others, and the jury is still out on why. I suspect that there is no one reason. I spent years trying to understand, but finally came to the conclusion that I can't. No need to travel to Mars to meet an alien...

Every human is born a sociopath. It's easy to be egocentric. Evil is a choice, in my opinion, but it's easy to convince yourself that what you are doing is not in fact evil that you are justified.

It can start small, I deserve to scrape a little off the top of the months grocery budget to do my nails. Then, well... I just feel low, it's okay if I flirt with this person--- it makes me feel good, I'm not doing anything wrong. To, well, if my spouse paid enough attention to me and wasn't so mean I wouldn't cheat. At last, but, it's really a mercy if I do this, if I kill them instead of let them languish-- they'd never actually get along without me anyway...

~shrug~ I'm not saying that's how this person progressed but if you open yourself to the possibility of bad behavior and convincing yourself it's not actually wrong, most anything is possible.

Rich successful people can be evil too.

Money doesn't make someone happy. A lovely wife and great family doesn't make someone a good human being.

A sociopath is(in simplistic terms) someone without empathy to his fellow human beings. The less intelligent ones get caught early and never get to the truly evil stage.

I do believe many are born a sociopath. Many can control the urges and learn to mimic proper human behavior. They're taught "not to be a sociopath". Some don't learn, or worse, are raised in a environment that teaches them sociopath behaviors(heavily abusive homes). This would explain why some people survive horrific childhoods but live normal lives, and some survive the same type of childhood and "become" a sociopath.

Some people also choose to act like a sociopath. They ignore the empathy they feel. In other words, they know their actions will hurt others, they know how it will make those others feel, they understand all of the emotional results but they choose to do so anyway.

Human beings are complex individuals and no two are exactly the same. Even the best parents and the best childhood can result in a sociopath adult. But the most horrific parents and childhood can ALSO result in a wonderful human being.

I think sociopathy exhibits in a number of ways and for various reasons. Some of them are depraved and some of them are deviant, some are both depraved and deviant and they are the most dangerous of sociopaths. There is no single explanation for why any of them are the way they are or why they do whatever they do.

Personally I do NOT wish to understand any of them.

I should learn a bit more about 'sociopaths'.......

I'd like to point out that there are people who are sociopaths that never do anything harmful to anyone. Not all sociopaths end up being dangerous.

Yes, we are born selfish. But normally, we are also born with the need for social connection and exquisitely sensitive to social cues, which leads us to learn how to behave so we get rewarded by those social connections, and eventually we learn to feel what others are feeling. For whatever reason, a sociopath does not develop those connections fully.

I agree and I don't know if it is possible to divide up the contributing factors that are initial inherited behavior and environmental. I would like to point out that also, it's not impossible for a sociopath to learn and change... it's possible because humans can be highly programmable if they have a desire to alter their innate state. It's funny, interesting.,.. whatever, just how complex and unpredictable individuals can be. I love the human mind and the human self, I even have a fondness for the broken ones, as I believe any god must.

Evil. Just plain evil. We've forgotten that there IS a lot of evil in the world.

Smarter sociopaths tend to gravitate towards careers that give them money or power over others or both. Doctor, Lawyer, Cop, Politician. Keep this in mind when dealing with people in power.

An interesting read.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/16/bo...-e-thomas.html

A sociopath acting out, is "uncivilized".

Yes. Psychopathy, as well. I'm not smart enough to have the extra letters after my name to tell the difference, or whether either applies in your OP. But as a layman I do find the topic fascinating. I heard once that 1 in 20 worldwide are one or the other. But I don't remember the source so you may as well throw that number out the window.

And I'll throw this grenade in the room and then leave the thread: it is my understanding that those that don't come unglued tend to gravitate towards the upper power echelons in society. To borrow from Jeff Foxworthy,

"If you don't remember where you were on 9/11, you just might be a sociopath."

We were born to survive... Over time, we've become socialized and created and accepted morals..

We're no different than a wild animal.. we all have the capability to kill and not feel anything about it... It's the morals we've been taught that cause us to feel something about it.. If our morals are weak, we can do pretty much anything most people can't comprehend..

I was starting to worry about me. I remember where I was.

So Foxworthy is saying that a sociopath is SO consumed with themselves, that they have no idea what's going on around them....nor do they care, because it does not effect them?

Some times, but not always.. There's no set rules..

Probably the reason O keeps forgetting when he was born. They seem to create their own reality.

Oh boy. My apologies to everyone, Jeff Foxworthy not withstanding. I didn't intend to cram all of those words into his mouth. I was only intending to steal his redneck shtick.

I really need a few more nights at the Holiday Inn Express, but I'd say that sounds pretty good, especially the "don't care, doesn't effect them" part. I don't know that it is necessarily the case that they are so consumed with themselves, but that could be.

I find the topic somewhat interesting because I tend to follow alternate news sources and peer into the non-official versions of events. (Translated: I wear my tin foil shiny-side out.) Often, just as you did in your OP, I ask myself, "What would make a person do that?". And sociopathy/psycopathy is a handy answer at times. I ponder the types that operate in life without a conscience to hold them back. Add to that the skill to mask it, and it is perfect path for a power hungry mad man. The 9/11 reference was just a swipe at particular folk that couldn't remember where they were on 9/11. Same sort of thing happened with JFK's assassination.

@Bret

Me too!