bi-polar

You ever live with a bipolar?

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Have you lived with all bipolars? Living with one hardly qualifies you to lump them all together. I have a dear friend with bipolar disorder and she has been taking her medication for many years, faithfully and regularly, and she has a happy and longterm marriage. And she doesn't lie....like hell or otherwise.

The one I lived with would not take medication regularly and would lie when you asked him...I've know this person for almost 30 years...you cannot group them all in the same category as your friend...some are worse than others.

A dear friend...not someone you live with. I lived with this person...not a few hours per week, several hours each day everyday for 30 years. They do t always take their meds...and when they don't they lie about it.

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My bipolar sister and bipolar future SIL are both compulsive liars. You can't believe anything they say. One is on meds and the other is not, but of course, that's not even a sure thing, as they could be lying about that too....

I love them both. And I give them both plenty of understanding, sympathy, etc. But I know better than to trust. Lying, spending money excessively, and cheating on their SOs is normal behavior for them when they're manic. I feel for them. I am thankful to God that my brain chemistry is normal. I pray for them everyday. Life is not fair. I would rather live with my spine pain and disability, then to deal with having a mental illness. It's one hard life to live, and often those with mental illness alienate everyone around them that tries to help.

This....

Until you really know a bipolar you can't compare the disease to heart disease, diabetes or even depression...regular ole depression is usually easily treated.

Sage lady is correct, the lying alone is enough to drive anyone normal crazy...pill counting is the norm, that's if they ain't tossing them in the garbage or toilet...their behavior can be downright nasty towards other people...

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So is bipolar!

Unfortunately, some doctors will put people with bipolar onto an antidepressant instead of a mood stabilizer: I do not know why. That does not work particularly well: it makes their moods different but not better. And, not every med will work with every patient, so a lot of adjustments need to be done before relief from the symptoms is achieved.

Yes, I have lived with bipolar, though I will not say who. With bipolar, the person can swing from suicidal to saying life is wonderful to getting furious at the quiver of an eyelash. Hallucinations can occur with very severe symptoms, and they may have very odd ideas.

It is a miserable thing to have, and very hard on the people they live with.

Creating drama to mess people up so that they feel normal is not a sign of bipolar, though it can describe other mental illnesses.

edited: eh...not worth it.

Personally, I think it depends on the "level" of bi-polar.
I know of some who are bi-polar, who can function and have decent lives even with the ups and downs.
But I also know of one who is dangerous. He is never wrong and everyone else is, and they are all against him; he is smarter than everyone else, too. He lies about everything - and to be honest, I think sometimes (during his manic phase) he doesn't remember and so he truly believes that others are lying about him. A family member is having to deal with ending a relationship with him. He became abusive. He won't let her go either. She has moved out and moved on, but a year later she still has to deal with his lying, abusive, stealing, sorry ass. I am worried for her safety.
He doesn't take his meds because "there is nothing wrong" with him, in his eyes it is everybody else. His family refuses to step in, his father (whom I also believe to be bi-polar) actually encourages his behavior.

In the first example, I might stick around; but in the second (which sounds similar to yours) - no effing way! run, and run fast. Sorry if that offends some here, but having been around a bi-polar like that, I will only do so again in certain circumstances required by law or family assistance. I will not subject children to that presence, nor anyone else if it can be avoided. The person I know of should be locked up, away from others because he is dangerous. And no, I do not want to know this person if he ever gets back on his meds for good. That bridge burned a long time ago.


This. "Just to get a rise out of you." Manipulative. Scheming. "What did I do?" attitude while smirking that you are the one acting crazy not him.


Okay, walking away from this thread now. I'm getting agitated.

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Saffron

Wow, couldn't have written it better myself...this is so familiar one would think it's the same person we are talking about...

Yup, it's everyone else who's crazy...

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That's my mother, and my ex husband, my ex husband's daughter . . . . seems like, if you've been raised by a certain type of person you end up marrying into that type of family. It stinks. I get agitated just remembering how it made me feel!

All 3 of them made me feel like I was the crazy one. I thought I needed to go into the nut house. My mother was the worst of all because she enjoyed it the most - she actually made a game out of it. She had a BLAST leading people believe things without actually coming right out and lying. She made an art form out of it. She was the absolute puppet master - until I stopped being her puppet. You would not believe the things she had me convinced of.

But these three people are sociopaths or borderline personality disorder. This is not bipolar. Bipolar is a chemical imbalance that slowly cycles and people with it are victims of an illness that is out of their control. I've known some very nice bipolar people - although their manic phases and their depressions are very difficult to deal with.

Sociopaths and borderline people all ought to be hung. Or electocuted.

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"What if I fall?" "Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?"

I will say it again: Manipulative and scheming behavior iss not a symptom of biploar. It *IS* a symptom of some other mental illnesses, including Borderline Personalit Disorder. The symptoms of that I will post below, but there are other disorders that also include manipulization and troublemaking behavior.

At least three of the following must be present, one of which must be (2):

marked tendency to act unexpectedly and without consideration of the consequences;
marked tendency to engage in quarrelsome behavior and to have conflicts with others, especially when impulsive acts are thwarted or criticized;
liability to outbursts of anger or violence, with inability to control the resulting behavioral explosions;
difficulty in maintaining any course of action that offers no immediate reward;
unstable and capricious (impulsive, whimsical) mood.
F60.31 Borderline type
At least three of the symptoms mentioned in F60.30 Impulsive type must be present [see above], with at least two of the following in addition:

disturbances in and uncertainty about self-image, aims, and internal preferences;
liability to become involved in intense and unstable relationships, often leading to emotional crisis;
excessive efforts to avoid abandonment;
recurrent threats or acts of self-harm;
chronic feelings of emptiness.
demonstrates impulsive behavior, e.g., speeding, substance abuse[36]

Did anyone stop to consider that one of the reasons that people with bi-polar migtht stop taking medication is because of the shame they feel for having a mental illness? Perhaps a little more empathy instead of judgement might be in order.

Yes, I will compare bi-polar to diabetes and heart disease again. On the one hand, people rarely talk about getting these people out of their lives, or how their illnesses make them toxic to be around, but I know alot of people who don't watch their diets, don't exercise, drink alcohol and who have diabetes or hear disease. Would I end my relationships with them because they seem to want to kill themselves or make themselves more ill? Of course not. Would I be sad that they were not "compliant" (a favorite work of the mental health industry)? Of course.

Once again, bi-polar is an illness. It is a brain chemistry issue. It is not a personality flaw.

I am sorry that some of you have had unhappy experiences with people with bi-polar. But, consider that your experiences aren't all experiences.

That seems a little extreme and frightening. As far as I know, our laws don't permit killing people for what they might do.

And, many borderline people get help and lead normal lives. Not all of them do, of course!

In comparison to others with mental health disorders, people suffering from bipolar disorder are much MUCH more likely to stop taking their meds. It's not a shame thing, it's a function of their disorder

I have a Master's Degree in counseling. I have personally worked with 20+ different people who suffer from bipolar disorder, and I consulted on at least that many more with my colleagues. I've been to seminars where psychiatrists and other mental health professionals have discussed bipolar disorder in detail.

I also was involved in a personal relationship with a man with bipolar disorder for over a year, and my best friend's two children are bipolar, so I've seen the "non-clinical" side of the disorder too.

I explained it in my prior post, but I'll recap: Bipolars don't like being level. Level is boring. They get addicted to the high that they get when they're manic, and because they are essentially addicts they don't want to take meds that take that high away from them, any more than most drug addicts are able to just walk away from the drugs they take that make them high.

Yes, some sympathy is in order as people with bipolar disorder have a very rough row to hoe. However, if you change the word "bipolar" and substitute "drug addict", the advice would be the same: If they don't WANT to get better, nothing you do can make them get help. Just as some drug addicts never hit bottom, and most bipolar people never hit bottom. Until they are committed to helping themselves, you're fighting a losing battle. Put them in inpatient, and when they get out 99% of the time they go off their meds again --- just like putting a drug addict into rehab when they aren't ready to quit.

It is sad and it is HARD to watch But in the case of the OP, this girl is clearly NOT willing to change, and nothing he says or does is going to MAKE her want to get help. That has to come from within her. He can either stay and become part of the spectators watching the train wreck, or he can walk away and try to find a woman who doesn't struggle with this kind of illness.

Sometimes the choices we face in life suck

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Unless, of course, the mania expresses itself in extreme anxiety or anger, and the patient is miserable.

Or unless they get hypomania.

Or unless they flat out decide that they want a life, and so they take their meds.

Or unless they decide the lows are not worth it, and desperately want help. I suppose you would qualify that as being a dry alcoholic? Though that is also a weak analogy, because you can choose to drink and that was why they became an alcoholic: pipolar people do not choose the mood swings they wwere born with them.

Go to any city: some of those smiling people behind the counter will be bipolar people, leading normal lives and having normal relationships.

And if you can't do that without doing damage to your own health?

Your husband sounds fairly compliant with his treatment, though I'm sure he's had his ups and downs literally. Absolutely your husband sounds like marriage material and your relationship obviously works.

As for an untreated person with bi-polar, sometimes love is not enough to make things work. If someone consistently resists treatment, which is pretty easy if they don't think they have a problem, at some point they take you down with them. You try to lift them up - over and over - perhaps for years - but no one is required to play martyr for someone who doesn't want help. It doesn't matter that they don't mean to be difficult, it doesn't matter that they're ill and can't help it - what matters is their behavior becomes consistently destructive to the marriage. And leaving is about self-preservation.

There are different kinds and levels of bi-polar, some more extreme than others. I advise anyone walking into this kind of relationship to keep your eyes wide open - and your heart guarded.

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Wise enough to know I'll never be wise enough to know it all

Then you safeguard your own health. You cannot change the person you marry, so think long and hard!

If they are bipolar and refuse to take meds, expect this to continue.

If they are a compliant bipolar who takes meds and are stable, expect THAT to continue!

And if they are an avid golfer, expect that to continue.

Folks do not change all that much because they walk down the aisle.

All my life.

Forget it bluemoon...they don't get it.

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