bi-polar

People very often mistake borderline personality disorder for bipolar. I wonder if that's the case with you - as you mentioned lying and being very easily set off.

I would stick around for a person with true bipolar - the type with the very slow mood fluctuations over a period of months. I will never again voluntarily stay in a relationship with a person with borderline personality disorder. My life is like heaven now, in comparison to what it was with BPD people in my life.

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"What if I fall?" "Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?"

One thing you should NOT do is to commit to a relationship till she does get help. If you are close you could be the carrot that her family is not. Plus you would be protecting yourself and her.--If a relationship is not yet where you are at but what you wish infor herfamily that you that a realtionship is the goal but that you will be pulling back to guide --nudge her to get help for herself. It is not going to be easy but with out her being on solid ground hon you will face hardship building you home on the sand --as the tide comes in daily.

I accept that this is NOT what you want to hear--that you are hurting seeing her do stuff with will make life harder and you can't stop it--it is never just a pill or a talk that makes a life time change--it is going to be a multi level careplan. Meds might be involed that will need to be tweaked (sometimes a 6 month period to find the "current" levels) --counclers and sopport for her and others closely involed.

I always knew my Father-In-Law was highstrung and had obsessive/compulsive tendancies.

When we started to observe that he wasn't being so nice to his wife, my wife and I went into his family doctor and paid a visit. We told the doctor the next time he comes in for a checkup, to have him evaluated somewhere because things were getting out of hand. The doctor agreed.

After the next checkup, we casually asked FIL how the checkup went. "Fine." We asked if the doctor ordered any tests. "No." We asked if his meds were changed or something was added. "No."

We quickly changed doctors and he started going to my doctor. My doctor immediately noticed something off, and after the exam asked me "How long has he been manic?" My doctor put him on some "happy" pills - FIL was told it was medicine to increase his appetite. And things calmed down after that.

The problem is, that as long as your loved one "doesn't have a problem", there isn't much you can do. Possibly if you contact her doctor, the doctor may decide to have an evaluation done.

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Michael W. Smith in North-West Pennsylvania

"Everything happens for a reason."

I think that if it was me and it was my spouse that had BP, I would look into what it would take for involuntary commitment. I have done this with my late husband, and let me tell you, it was very easy to do in my state, but the resentment he held against me lasted the rest of his short life. But if I had it to do again, I would. He needed help that only a medical professional could give him and he refused to go any other way. Perhaps you could find out how to do that where you live, and then talk to her family and see what you all, as a group can do. If nothing else works, then you may have to consider just taking care of yourself and being there for her when and if she gets help. Sorry you are having to go through this.
God bless you and yours
Deb

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For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but He has given unto us a spirit of power of love and a sound mind.

http://tgitb.blogspot.com/

You've gotten a good assortment of advice. Another place to turn is NAMI. National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. They have local chapters and you should find the one closest to you. If nothing else, getting someone in the family to attend the Family to Family Course helps to figure out so many things and gives you support AND resources where you are.

I highly recommend it. It saved quality of life for me and my children, in the case of my seriously mentally ill mother in law.

dawn

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http://hometojumpingoffplace.blogspot.com/

If you live with a bipolar person there is no mistaking it...they lie like hell and do things just to get rise out of you. The reason for this is that it makes them feel normal when someone else is messed up.

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See if there is a NAMI group in your area. http://www.nami.org/ They can help families of people with mental illness.

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“If I rest, I rust”

If you have the nads to hang in there and you care enough about the person enough do it. You are going to have to be a very strong individual.
It is a tremendous effort.
It depends on how commited you are. Your call.

Otherwise get out and wish the best.

It's no different mind screwing and misery then say cancer or other serious illness. Just a different scenario.
I have been both places on each side of the fence and I really don't like either one.

It will destroy you if you let it, again your call.
Depends on how bad you want it.
Sometimes you look like a fool and other times a hero.
Get her some therapy, meds and try to figure the triggers out.
Look at the signs for upcoming eruptions, they are there.
It sucks in a big way. Depends if you want to suck it up or not.
Just my take on it.
Still deciding if I have had enough or not.

Kind of like watching a person falling into a raging river and continually having to drag them out at your own risk.
When do you say "screw it" when I told you pick your feet up and not trip on the rocks. Sometimes it seems intentional.

One of the borderline personality disorder people I know worked on a psych ward. Her psychiatrist diagnosed her with BPD and she threw an absolute fit and would not relent until he changed her diagnosis to bipolar. People with bipolar have a chemical disorder. People with BPD are just evil. I have never met a person who lied more or who was more manipulative or hurt more people than that woman.

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"What if I fall?" "Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?"

oops double post

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"What if I fall?" "Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?"

Im sorry you are going through this. Without accurate medical/psychological diagnosis you dont know what you are truly dealing with.

Unless youre married you are free to walk away. If the relationship is as you describe, I wouldnt be sticking around to invest anymore time or emotions into it.

Good Luck

I think my dad is bi polar and its only gotten worse as he ages.

I am so sorry you have to go through this. I have been there where you are at. My ex-wife is bipolar, notice I said ex wife. If you are not yet married I would consider not getting married. After 3 years of trying to help her, I had to just walk away. I do feel your pain as it is really hard to see a loved one go through this. But to them nothing is wrong, & you are the bad guy for trying to get them help. If you let it the situation can really wreck you emotionally, physically, & financially. While going through this situation dont forget to take care of yourself, as it is a lot harder on you than it is on her. Because to her nothing is wrong. Best of luck to you.

Yeah, I would never go into a relationship knowing the person I bipolar....

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Whoa. Back up the bus. Would you avoid relationships with people who are diabetic or had a heart condition?

Bi-polar is an illness, it's not a personality flaw. People are not bi-polar, they have bi-polar disorder, a treatable illness.

I know some of you have had frustrating and heart breaking experiences with people who know who have bi-polar disorder, but I need to give another perspective.

My DH of 25 years was diagnosed about 10 years ago after years of depression and unhappiness. Yes, I asked him to go to get help. Because I cared about him and he was not able to assess his own wellness. I had to insist, but he trusted me and went to the doctor, got a diagnosis and has been in treatment.

It's not easy to find the right mix of medication and therapy, or even just the right medication, but a good support system can help anyone who is ill to want to get well and stay well.

I'm not going to pretend our lives have been easy, but there are joys that have come from DH's illness - we have had to work hard at our marriage and we are a strong couple. We have two amazing children who got to spend time with their dad when he was off work. He is still the man I fell in love with and married. He is kind and gentle and generous and lovely. And he has bi-polar disorder.

Please don't write people off. Please try to help if you can do that without doing damage to your own health. Please remember that people with bi-polar are sick and need help and treatment. They don't mean to be difficult. They don't know they are being difficult...

What this person said!!
The divorce rate for couples when one has cancer or other serious illness for instance is pretty high also.
Just a different scenario.
What if it was you that had BP and got bailed on or cancer? How would you feel about that. I believe the vows were for better or worse not comfortable and managable. In deed you may lose in the end but I can say I held up my end.

Depression is one thing, bipolar is too...didn't say to divorce, but I would not knowingly enter a relationship with a bipolar person know what I know...why torture yourself. There is a huge difference between bipolar and heart disease or diabetes.

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I might get into a relationship with a bi-polar person IF they were willing to acknowledge that and get and keep help.

If a person refused to acknowledge theres even a problem
That would go for whether they are bi-polar or not.

And there lies the problem...they take their meds until they feel better and they stop.

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What a crock of *$%(. Each person is different. Each Bipolar patient is different. There are many commonalities, but making a broad-based statement like this is like saying that everyone with blue eyes has fat ankles or some such nonsense. Have a little respect for other human beings.