Need help processing thoughts before big decision

hintonlady · #41 10/08/12, 08:53 AM

I would be a good nurse but am not sure nursing would be good to me. I know I come off as gruff on here, it's because I like people in here enough to have a mostly civil debate. It's a compliment.

I come off differently in person because I am very animated and use a lot of facial gestures, voice inflections etc. I come off bad on paper but really am a charmer in person. (as hard as that may be to imagine)

The point I'm trying to make is that I have an incredible bedside manner.

I'm good at reading people and making them feel better. The job I just got is caring for a child who has downs syndrome as well as being on the autism spectrum. Within a half hour I had the kid (leaving out gender for privacy) looking in my eyes and laughing. The mom almost cried because they never do that. So, nursing seemed like the logical thing to do, not because I may especially like it but because it seemed like offering my abilities is the right thing to do.

I agree with shygal and knowonespecial that it may be more than I can chew. Just to clarify, I had thought of working nights in a nursing home while the girls were sleeping. As an lpn, at the home I am doing clinicals, ALL they do is pass meds. Not too stressful. The RN's at the home pretty much check in on residents and chart. Not challenging like ER, ICU, PACU or whatever IYKWIM.

I'm realizing that I made a bad decision in nursing. The prerequisites are hard and I have a lot of useless credits because I spent a lot of time in general ed, back in the day. Nursing SEEMED to make sense because the money is good and it SEEMED like the bridge program would be easy. DUH

I know it sounds ridiculous that I was so caught up in dh's plan that I never considered another career option.

everything was all about him.

I have the CNA to work part time now and fall back on while going to school online. It's a start. I can really have it all by just choosing a different path. I can be with my girls and further my education. It's like a dream come true. I am flabergsated I didn't think of that, the obvious. Then I am able to earn a living wage which really is a smart thing to do. Everyone is absolutely right that the kids are important but so is the ability to support the family in a crunch.

So, now the hard part.

I need to find a new career option. Once I narrow that down I can find a reputable college/university to study at online pretty easily. The trouble with that is I don't want a degree for the sake of a degree, I don't want a toilet paper diploma. So many people get out of school and can't get a job or a livable wage. I don't want to fall into that trap.

I really really appreciate everyones input. I know I'm rambling but this thinking out loud and you guys voicing in has really made this decision evolve in a way that I really feel good about. This new idea just feels right in my heart, that feeling being missing is why I made my post. I had been stressing over this choice for weeks and now just feel relaxed and happy about it!

So, any ideas about a career/vocation types, ones that will actually help me get a decent paying job? At $15 an hour I can support the family and work toward a safety nest egg. At $20 and hour I can also invest capital into dh's business and keep it afloat. Anything above that isn't worth the extra time in school, to me.

oth47 · #42 10/08/12, 09:03 AM

As a man,I can't pretend to know how women's hearts and minds work.But when my wife began her career as a RN it became obvious to us that it made no economic sense for me to work..my wages would have been eaten up by childcare,travel to work,etc. So I became a house-husband and caretaker for our 4 kids.I was the one that saw their first steps,heard their first words,got the dandelion bouquets,kissed the booboos,and rocked them to sleep.She missed all that.I wish she hadn't,but I wouldn't trade the early years with my kids for the money of Bill Gates.

ceresone · #43 10/08/12, 09:03 AM

i'm 75, Mother, Grandmother, and Great Grandmother. I've worked--and I've stayed home. I think I'd listen close to CaliannG

Smalltowngirl · #44 10/08/12, 09:04 AM

Look at the labor statistics estimate of future job needs for one. U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics
Here's a list of the 30 careers which will have the highest growth:
Table 6. The 30 occupations with the largest projected employment growth, 2010-20

See what the outlook is for say an IT programmer by 2018 or in the next 10 yrs.
Do that for each career you might like and see where your interests vs your future marketability are-you might just find something way out of what you originally considered that would bring you a good future availability, high job satisfaction as well as a good wage.

catknit · #45 10/08/12, 09:09 AM

Do you like to cook? How is your area with respect to disability or elder care??? Are there gaps in care available??

Some dietitian programs are online. I work for the local Agency on Aging and we are always looking for professional that can go to a client's home, cook as needed for specific diets, and then pack away/freeze the foods for the week. [Most "meals on wheels" programs only meet the USDA requirements for 1/3 daily calories, 3oz protein, 2 sides [one starchy], 1 fruit serving, 1 dairy serving, 1 bread - this does NOT help cardio patients, diabetics, specific-food sensitive people but those who are "at-risk" nutritionally]. Additionally, many social service agencies will contract with registered dietitians for about $50/hr for menu approvals [head start preschools, senior centers, assisted living programs].

If you've done a CNA course or a HHA course and enjoy helping clients AND have some cooking skills, I think you could get a nice, small business together. It would involve some time away from your family [local health codes, etc most likely would make cooking at the client's house the best option]. But, menu approvals typically could be done from home. If you could mix the two, you could have a great little business that can grow as you see fit, add some income, add some confidence building, and still be a "helpful" vocation [which from reading between the lines is something you are leaning toward].

A complete side note - especially about the anxiety/depression thing. I've struggled with it in the past. I know I can't do changed-hour work as it wreaks havoc with what little sanity I have on any given day. Also, I can't consistently pull 60 hour work weeks - tried that for about a year and just about had a breakdown. But, I also know that if left to my own devices I would become an agoraphobic hermit that would never leave my bedroom - no going out of the house at all, including my own yard. BTDT. You know yourself and what works with your disposition/personality/quirks. You know what is important to you - the trick is finding out what works in this framework to meet your goals. And, just by throwing this out there and reading/learning/getting feedback you are doing a heck of a job finding your way - that's an excellent thing!

Grandmotherbear · #46 10/08/12, 09:21 AM

Regarding your husbans's business plans- 2 people can keep a secret if 1 of them is dead. Sooner or later your husbands boss will find out. With the stress of him being pout of work, it would be almost impossible for you to work and go to school at that time.
I did prerequisites at night while my children were babies. I did not realize the exh rolled their bassinet into a closet and shut the door on them. By the time we were split I was able to find a stay at home mother in the community who took Title 20 daycare funding. I was in school 5 parttime days. I got up at 3 or 4 to study each morning. When I came home from school I was home. That was it. We did lots of things together. My priorities were 1. kids. 2. school 3. me. Ex out of the picture and both sets of my parents also removed themselves from the picture. I hope you have no regrets whatever decision you make.

Grandmotherbear · #47 10/08/12, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaliannG

I do not remember what my mother did when I was four or five years old. Oh, I have flashes...like her putting my sandals on our puppy because I didn't want to wear them, or the dress that she made for me out of the same fabric as the dress she made for herself. Little glimpses...but day to day life?

But I remember *distinctly* the day she told me that my father was no longer with us (just two months after my grandmother passed away.) I remember the months of her crying late at night, thinking I was asleep, and asking herself how she was going to pay the bills.

I remember how much she struggled, working as a waitress during the day, taking classes at night, studying on the weekends, and her lament that her mind was no longer fresh and young, where she could easily absorb what she was trying to learn. I remember her always being exhausted.

I stopped asking for anything. It was heartbreaking to see the look of pain come across her face when she said, "I'm sorry honey, we just can't afford it." These were little things, like a once-a-week, 50 cent candy treat. Not designer jeans or anything like that.

I knew that she was going through all of this work and struggle for *me*, to make a life for *me*, and I constantly felt guilty over it.

I wasn't old enough to have strong memories of the times, when I was little, that she was there for me constantly. Recently, she and I went back to the town where I was born, and she pointed out this and that to me. "There is the park where I used to take you. Do you remember that merry-go-round? You loved that merry-go-round. You'd always say, "Mommy faster, please?"

I didn't remember. I remember the pony at the fair. I remember the puppy, the sandals. I remember my favorite doll. But only little pieces.

But I remember very, very clearly, since I was older, the determination, the desperation, the exhaustion, that my mother went through when she had to bring me up by herself. I remember the sacrifices she made. And to this day, I wish I could go back in time and tell her, "Please, spare us both the heartache, and go to school while I won't remember."

Today, my mother is retired, living comfortably. She put in her 28 years as a career woman.

But if she had gotten the education that she needed for that career when I was little, then I would have had a lot more of her time later, when I truly needed her guidance and wisdom. My life, and her life, would have been much different in what I feel would have been positive ways.

Your path and your life are your own, and only you can judge what is best for your path. I simply share my own story.

I wish I could get my 13 year old graddaughter to read this. Thank you for sharing.

hintonlady · #48 10/08/12, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smalltowngirl

Look at the labor statistics estimate of future job needs for one. U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics
Here's a list of the 30 careers which will have the highest growth:
Table 6. The 30 occupations with the largest projected employment growth, 2010-20

See what the outlook is for say an IT programmer by 2018 or in the next 10 yrs.
Do that for each career you might like and see where your interests vs your future marketability are-you might just find something way out of what you originally considered that would bring you a good future availability, high job satisfaction as well as a good wage.

Thank you for the awesome links!!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grandmotherbear

Regarding your husbans's business plans- 2 people can keep a secret if 1 of them is dead. Sooner or later your husbands boss will find out.

That's what I keep telling dh but he is in denial. He seems to think that since his business doesn't compete with his employer that it will fly. What I think is that since it is similar, though doesn't technically compete, his arrogant overbearing boss will flip out. They are known for firing people and hiring several times a year based on some sort of accounting principle?!?!? For now dh is VERY secure but unhappy, he will survive the cull until he cheeses off the head honcho.

THAT'S why I have the sense of urgency. Dh thinks he has it under control and I'm like, heellloooooo.

Dh has several back up plans for work if need be. That is a non issue, he can find work and find it fast. We won't be hungry or homeless. I would just hate to see him fail at his business due to poor planning financially. I keep trying to tell him he needs to be careful before he takes the leap so he can fly instead of crash and burn. He is usually very grounded, sensible, practical etc. so him having blinders on worries me a bit.

PNWKatie · #49 10/08/12, 09:56 AM

a couple of things. I have three kids but only two I really need to worry about (the oldest is almost 19, getting ready to go to college, etc. while the two youngest are only 4 & 5 {OOPS my bad! they just turned 5 & 6 last week LOLOL}) right now I am a stay at home mom who also homeschools/online schools with my kids. I've always worked, even when my oldest was young. Then we had these two little girls come into my life and it didn't make any sense to use all of the money I would have made to pay someone else to watch my kids. So we decided I'd stay home. Hubby works a good job, we bought a house etc. based on his income. IF and when I decide to go back to work, I'll try and work something that allows me to spend as much time as I can with my kids if they are still small. Yes, I do have "plans" if something were to happen to my hubby. We made sure that if something happened to him we had enough life insurance to pay off all the debt, pay off the house, and allows me to stay home with the kids until they are a bit older and then I can return to work. There is also long term disability insurance if the hubby gets hurt or disabled and can no longer bring in a good paycheck. There are ways of making sure you are covered in either area. I know it's not "self sufficient" etc. But if my hubby is disabled and can't work, will he also need me there to help take care of him? or would I have to hire a nurse or other caregiver so I could work? Granted I would prefer to work to help bring in an income but I also have lots of experience and not a ton of college/university training, so what I would bring in is pretty small. It would be nice to have the training in a good field for future income. Is there a way you could do the training and then only work a short amount of time so you could dedicate the amount of time to your kids that you'd like to? I also wonder since you said the training makes you feel drained, is that something you can work around. I doubt actually working the hours for either a LPN or RN will be any better than the hours of training you put in. Working even part time in a really demanding field is draining, maybe not physically (although with nursing it is) but it can be draining mentally (which in my experience can be longer lasting than the physical part). Take some alone time and really think about what YOU want to do. While some of us have been in similar circumstances we are not YOU. We aren't your family, talk things over with them as well.

hintonlady · #50 10/08/12, 11:27 AM

I feel like such a fool for overlooking the obvious for so long.

One thing that was very frustrating for me is that the local college requires certain classes for nursing be within a 10 year framework. This would include anatomy, algebra etc. I understand why they do it but I already completed those before and hated the idea of backtracking. In addition to that I was previously doing general ed for a transfer AA. So, MANY of my classes/credits were useless with nursing.

So, in changing my direction I instantly gain ground because none of my credits will be outdated and I gain near 20 credits back in classes that suddenly become relevant again.

I am probably 75% toward an AA already. All I need now are the core classes in my new major and I am done.

What in the heck have I been thinking?

whiskeylivewire · #51 10/08/12, 12:01 PM

Okay, I know most people here have problems with public schools and such but I am studying to be a teacher. Getting my BA in Special Education to be exact. I do this only and right now I substitute teach which is pretty good money for a part time job.

I chose teaching because I love kids and I think they can all learn. Another reason I chose it is the amount of time I would be home with my kids. Most of the summers, weekends off, home right around the time they are...

Teachers here make around 30K a year...which is good money here. Sped teachers start out at 35K a year...which is even better.

You can get a teaching degree online from a lot of places. I am going through Western Governor's University.

I'm just giving this as an option...for me it is going to work. I'm soon to be divorced and I am kicking myself for not having finished my degree when the kids were younger...or better yet...before they were born lol

gracie88 · #52 10/08/12, 12:55 PM

Quote:

I had thought of working nights in a nursing home while the girls were sleeping. As an lpn, at the home I am doing clinicals, ALL they do is pass meds. Not too stressful.

A little late with the input, it seems like you've gotten stuff pretty well figured now, but, I couldn't resist. Nursing homes are not easy. People mostly go there to wait to die. There's a fine line to walk between not enough compassion and caring too much. It's hard to stay sane, even at night when it's mostly peaceful. Physically, it may not be that hard as a nurse, the CNA's do most of the heavy lifting, but especially for someone already prone to depression and anxiety, it would not be easy.

mekasmom · #53 10/08/12, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stef

You already know in your heart what you really want to do.

You know in your heart what you should do.
I personally would stay home. But you are not me. And whatever you feel more at peace with in your heart is what you should do. Always follow after peace. You have that inner witness and you don't need anyone else to lead you. Do what brings peace to your heart. That is the correct way to go.

Peacock · #54 10/08/12, 01:42 PM

My opinion: stay home with the kids. You can always go back to school and work later, but you can't relive the kids' young years.

BUT

I saw this cute little scene on TV - a lady was asking a church pastor whether she should get married or not. He said, let's flip a coin. So he did. But before he showed which sign it landed on, he told her that he knew for just a split second she wished it would land one way or the other and asked which it was?

So flip a coin, listen to what your heart tells you, and never look at what side it landed on.

CaliannG · #55 10/08/12, 01:45 PM

hintonlady, did you check out this part of the site? BLS Career Information Home Page

It gives you pages on certain career choices, what that person does, average salary, and prospective growth rate.

I looked at the top 30 jobs for increased growth, but honestly, more than half of them were un-skilled, low paying jobs...and those that were higher paid were all in the medical profession. Also, it was only 30. There are thousands of different career choices out there, and while there might not be an expected growth in demand for say, 18th Century Literature Historians, there is still fast growth and demand expected for many, many skilled professions.

DebM · #56 10/09/12, 11:59 AM

>My family is fed sheltered and safe. That isn't even a consideration at this point. My dh's business is a WANT not a NEED, our lives will be comfortable regardless. He is a highly trained professional in a couple symbiotic fields in a very underserved market with skyrocketing demand. His income will survive any fallout outside of complete collapse. Ultimately, my future training is about helping dh reach a dream, not about survival. So, it's really a choice between my dh's dream or my dd's upbringing.

-----------------------------------

This.

cindy-e · #57 10/09/12, 12:34 PM

how about doing the training part time so that you don't have to choose? I have worked/been in school part time while homeschooling. It works. Not easy, but it works. Sounds like it might work better with your depression/anxiety issues too. take is slow. =0)

cindy-e · #58 10/09/12, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hintonlady

I feel like such a fool for overlooking the obvious for so long.

One thing that was very frustrating for me is that the local college requires certain classes for nursing be within a 10 year framework. This would include anatomy, algebra etc. I understand why they do it but I already completed those before and hated the idea of backtracking. In addition to that I was previously doing general ed for a transfer AA. So, MANY of my classes/credits were useless with nursing.

So, in changing my direction I instantly gain ground because none of my credits will be outdated and I gain near 20 credits back in classes that suddenly become relevant again.

I am probably 75% toward an AA already. All I need now are the core classes in my new major and I am done.

What in the heck have I been thinking?

Check out CLEP tests. If you still remember those old classes, with a little study, you can test out of a lot of them. That's a LOT cheaper!

cindy-e · #59 10/09/12, 12:41 PM

PS My husband does WGU... fully regionally acredited and online. VERY inexpensive because it is a non-profit college, and you can take as many classes as you want to for the same price. So if you finish something you registered for before the end of the semester and feel you have the time, you can register for another class and it doesn't cost anything more. They let you test out of things and they factor in life experience into your credits. Western Governor's University. IDK if you will like any of their majors but we have been very satisfied with it.
ETA because they have full acceditation, they are elligible for all finanical aid, so if you qualify for any grants or etc, you would get them.

Sunbee · #60 10/09/12, 01:40 PM

As someone who has done the spouse starting a business routine, I say your DH should not quit his job to take the business full time until you have 6 months of living expenses saved up on top of whatever funds the business requires for start-up, and a solid closing plan if the business doesn't work out that will leave you with zero debt from the business or your normal living expenses. Remember to include the increase in insurance--disability, health, dental, liability--in that six months of expenses.
If you do this, then there is no have to choose between you working full time to pay for his dream or staying home with your kids.