Do your kids skip school alot?

I think all kids go through this at some point. When my son was in high school I found out he was skiping some classes (especially am classes) I let him know that it was NOT acceptable, and that he WAS going to school. I told him I would accompany him to class if necessary. (and he knew I meant it). No more skipping school.

I agree completely with bluemoon. I can't believe you let them go to the concert! One the older sister didn't go to school and the other has an obligation to the band! You better get them under control or you will have a very long, hard road ahead.

My daughter tried this a couple of times. I made her stay in bed - no books, no games, no anything. Rest up dear, you are sick. Made her favorite meal for dinner, but as she was sick, she got chicken broth - so gooooood for a sick person. THEN she had to do the make up work on the weekend. Pity that she couldn't go visit with her friends, but that is how it is when you get sick - always something to catch up on. Old age and treachery...

Mary

you know what, I am not going to say the whole "your the parent thing", because I have not walked in your shoes, but I do know from your posts that this is not a cookie cutter case, every circumstance is different....and it is hard to "unlearn" behavior their mother has allowed over the years...so I will just say, do your best, pray a lot and then pray some more...

__________________
The Choking Game Kills
John's Story

Well, I for one wasn't allowed to stay home sick- in fact, my father drove me as a senior in high school (with a car of my own) to school the day I insisted I was too sick to go. I walked into the school and collapsed. They had to get ahold of my father to come back and get my to the doctor- I had a temp almost 105. Any time I said I was sick, I generally had to go anyway. Maybe that's one reason I have little resistance nowadays.
Now my Dad was always taking us out of school- with no nonsense about unapproved absences because his buddy, the Superintendent of Schools, always gave my brother and me a free pass. First, anything related to his work -he was an agricultural economist. He would take the family when he had papers to give at professional meetings and then hitch a vacation onto it, but most of the vacation was "work related" expenses and I don't know how he never got audited by the IRS. So before I was 7 I had toured the Chicago abbatoirs, then Florida sugar cane and juice plants, dairies, bakeries, Kellogs of Battle Creek, broom corn broom factories, Chesapeake Bay crab and oyster packing houses, McCormacks spice operations in Baltimore. Most of these were a week or 2 weeks trips. He would pull us out of school to go to live theatre, matinee performances. We saw at least 1 and sometimes 2-3 plays each year. We were pulled out to attend Anteater Club lunches. Anyeaters was a professional honorary society that met at the National Zoo in DC and had programs on zoology and also a subscrioption series of lunchs such as - pheasant, quail, hippo, eland, gnu, etc etc. And we were pulled out of school for new museum offerings, since my father wasn't "on the clock" at work, and we could beat the weekend crowds. We were pulled out of school for King Tut, for the Mona Lisa and for Frederic Church's works. Still graduated with Deans List, and for my English bachelors with honors-and the only reason I didn't have Honors for AD in nursing was because I didn't take 12 hrs per semester.
Now my daughter had a friend whose mother let her stay home once a month while she was having her period and dd wanted so bad to do the same and that just didn't fly with me. Both children had to e really sick efore I let them miss school- and then GFB would take them to the office with him, to rest and nap on his office floor. They both grew up to be very causual about work and commitments in their young adulthood, but they did buckle down whenn they became parents.
You can be as forceful and structured as you wish when they are young but it doesn't guarentee they'll adopt your values.

The kids at our local school banded together and demanded, demanded mind you, that there be no homework on "vacations." Which is defined as any three day or more weekend.

I'm honestly shocked that they got away with this, but if kids can dictate when they'll do homework? Why not when they go to school?

__________________
Icelandic Sheep and German Angora Rabbits

Well sure I can believe the demanded it, kids demand stupid things all the time. Just don't ask me to believe that the "adults" in charge caved to their childish demands. Might as well put the fox in charge of the hen house.

My kids as far I know only tryed it a couple of times. When they did try it, took them to the Dr after I gave them Castor Oil. Then dropped them off at school. Nothing like a good dose of Castor Oil cleans the soul

__________________


Deo Vindice O I'm a Good Old Rebel and thats what I am, I don't want no pardon for what I am and did

When in school I was the first to get out of it at all cost! Once I was old enough to be signed out of school by parents they said ok. It was a waste of money to send me to school. So they put me in this half day school to get my GED. Guess what? I did the same thing. I never had a reason why. I think part of it was the crowd I was runin with. I also think part of it was I had no guidance growing up. Not that I had a bad life. Just no one ever took time to show me anything. I ended up starting a family at 18yrs old and something there kicked me in the rear. I am not suggesting the family at 18yrs old by any means, I am against. I got my GED and went to work. With no education it has been an adventure, but I am self employed and not making a fortune, but getting the bills paid and doing it the way I want! Till this day I think I was just bored with school. I am very intelligent and can do anything from building computers to building houses, but I am a visual learner and I believe that played the biggest part. I cannot learn nothing from books, but show me 2 to 3 times and I can do it the rest of my life. My oldest is now16yrs old and my wife and I have yet to have an argument! We talk bout everything. So I guess I learned something.

Now as far as my kids go. I will start with this our kids DO NOT ride the bus. The school is less than 15 minutes away and although it hurts my pocket book at the fuel pump I believe that plays a big part. I was the kid who sat in the back of the bus and got more education there than at school. We tell them family first, school, and then chores. If they want to go do something or want money we ask what does your grades look like? What have you done for me? Are your chores done? Hope you get the idea. It is you have to give to receive.

Also spare the rod lose the kid. I have put the fear of god in my kids! Not sure how, but I never have to spank them. We have always put them in the corner, the time out kind of thing. When doing so I raise my voice and I guess the boom of it made them all tremble when they was little and it does till this day. I dont scream all crazy, but firm deep rumble sound like a teenager with the latest boom box stereo set up....lol.

I believe another thing that is a big help is I am the only one that works. We are barely, but fortunate enough that the wife can stay home. I think this is a big deal. It is the way things was long ago and kids had more discipline, respect, morales, etc. She also does a lot of volunteering at the school so when the younger kids was not in school they was still there. So they was all comfortable when it was time to go and on the first day just kicked mom and dad to the curb. Wife does most of our little farm work, but with help from the kids. I think doing the farm thing with the kids while they are young gives them a since of work, achievement, and how to work along side of others.

Anyways our kids pretty much have to be bleeding from the eyes or ears to miss school. The school does have an automated system and when they do not show up for class it is put in the computer and it calls us. Not that we ever used it, but when the kids dont go to school and are sick they call us only when we forget to call them first to let them know they are not going to be there.

Also down here you can get your drivers license at 16yrs old. Our oldest is 16. NO license! I know what I did once I had one, but what I am getting at to get a renewal at 17yrs old you have to attend X amount of days in school or you cannot get them renewed. I personally know this and went without one from 17 to 18yrs old.

Hope this helps and good luck.

Oldcountryboy I'm going to give you a real life example of what can happen when you let your kids avoid their responsibilities by playing sick. I had a family member grow up just like that. Every time she didn't want to do something she was "sick." Her mother was a single mother who was completely overwhelmed just trying to get by - at least 2 jobs most times - so it got overlooked. The mother complained and put her down for the behavior but never made her do different. This person grew up never being able to face responsibility very well. She did get an education and got a very good job. But she never really appreciated it. Any time she didn't feel like going to work she was sick, but not to the point of getting fired, she knew what she could get away with. Then she went through a very hard time in her life and just couldn't face it. She called in to work so much she got written up several times and ended up losing her job. She eventually used other methods to try and "escape" her problems which turned out very very badly.

Now after several years she finally has it together, has a job and is a good employee. Finally I don't think she'll have problems with the avoidance thing any more. But wouldn't it have been a whole lot better and easier for her if her mother had just taught her like she should have in to begin with?

Do you want your daughters to have to go through such a painful learning process and hope that they learn better own their own? Some people never do learn btw even when they suffer greatly because of it.

I got permission to respond to this thread yesterday from my family member. I promised not to provide too many details but she was very happy for me to post this hoping that her story could maybe help someone else avoid going through what she has. And she said to tell you that you have to teach them to face their responsibilities for their own good

Well I admit, I probably ain't tough enough. I do a lot of gripping around here about several things. Wont clean rooms, no help on the dishes, no help doing yard or garden work, etc, etc,. But I don't get tough. Probably cause i fear they might just move in with their mom and I wouldn't get to see them much. Maybe also it's because they've lived most of their life around their mom when we were still married and seen how often she was always calling in sick.

I don't know! Ever since I got married seems nothing is like it was when I was growing up. My mom was like Mrs. June Cleaver (leave it to Beaver), seems she always had a clean house, always had us clean our own bedrooms, never was junky, everyone pitched in to mow the lawn and weed the garden. We were a clean family even if we was poor and didn't have a dad around.

Then I married a gal who didn't do nothing but watch t.v. all day long and would never keep a job long. Started having kids and if I would try to get them to do things around here their mom would always take up for them. In the 20 years I was married seems everything just turned to ....., well I better not say.

Sometime I wished I could just pack up and move to another house in another part of the country. Just walk off and leave everything where it sets and start all over.

But for now, while I still have kids here, I'll just stay and try my best. But 7 years from now when my youngest daughter graduates, I'm heading out somewhere.

__________________
r.h. in oklahoma

Raised a country boy, and will die a country boy.

Oldcountryboy, I see your problem. I hve similar one, because both of my teens are old enough to move out if they choose to, and neither is ready! Because they were both very ill as kids they are a little immature!

This is what has worked for me. Note that each of my teens has a different set ov values: they are both very different!

I own the car.

So, once every 2 weeks or so, when my oldest teen is not around, I peek in her room. I ignore clutter and an unvacuumed room, I really do, but if everything that she owns is in a heap on her floor I say "I will not loan you my car until your room is clean".

I make certain that there is enough time between telling her this and her next desired activity for her to clean it, and I do follow through. I give a casual look before I loan the car. I do not expect June Cleaver but I do expect no visible stuff on the floor. Once in a great while I will open her closet door to make sure she hung her clothes instead of piling things in the closet.

So, every 2 weeks or so she makes her room tidy.

She is now 19, and adults do not get a free ride. The summer she was 18 I used to charge her a couple of hours a week of work for room and board: I did have to be there to supervise or she would lie. So, I made it my business to be there when she did her work. I even allowed her to choose some of what she did: I had to trouble with her cooking instead of cleaning! Not ALL of the time, of course, but as long as she did her hours!

If she didn't, no car keys. If she complained (she did) I told her she could move out.

She is now 19 and in college. She is now a SKILLED cook, laundress, yard mower, and so forth. She is taking 1 class in college and I am charging her $30 a a month room and board, which will drop to $10 a month if she finds work. That is enough to keep her filling out job applications, which is why I raised her rent from 2 hours of work a week to 6! Anything over 6 hours, I pay her $5 an hour. This %5 an hour pays for her personal expenses, and 1/2 of her college expenses. DD takes classes a lot more seriously if she pays for half!

As I said before, she is immature. But, letting her behave as a kid would be very bad for her: she needs to stand on her own 2 feet because she is an adult! So, I loan her the car - *MY* car- after she has paid the landlord (me). If she does not like the lease she can leave. (No, it is NOT easy to tell your child to accept things or leave. What stiffens my spine is the knowledge that she will soon leave anyways, and I cannot change that. Also, This way she leaves as a person who knows how to cook, clean the bathroom mirror with no streaks, and so forth. Whether she does it is a different matter and one I cannot control. But she will know how)

Teen number 2 is below.

That's interesting...
Undoubtedly you're right. This is your wife's fault.

__________________
~*~Erin~*~
SAHM, ranch wife, sub and quilt shop proprietress
the Back Gate Country Quilt Shop

My youngest is 18. He is rather afraid to drive: we are encouraging him to work on that! So, we need a different hook.

Pride. A man takes care of himself. And, he *IS* a man! As he has the freedoms of a man he must take on the responsibilites of one. He pays us $10 a week room and board and any work over that is his money and I pay him $5 an hour.

We pay his school expenses just because we choose to, but he pays us $10 a week room and board. He knows it is a good deal but he has no idea how MUCH af a good deal it is! He is better at school and at hospital stuff (2 back surgeries ) than he is at real life(not much left to do but some). He is finishing high school (very little school for him to do but there is some) while getting his feet wet at the local community college.

He is also managing his own bank account and his own expenses. And, he is still young enough that I can tell him to clean his room and get away with it! He does a lousy job but I do not fuss, as long as his floor is picked up. And, like his sister, he will ALSO leave knowing how to run the dishwasher and the laundry machines and how to use the proper cleaner to get a streak-free shine on the bathroom mirror!

He also has Aspergers. What his future is I do not know, but if I treat him like a child I do believe it would do him a horrible di- service. Aspergers or no, he is 18 and he responds to pride just as many 18 year old males do! And, men take care of themselves and pay room and board!

To sum things up, my oldest wants the car and she can have it after she has done the work that I give her. That is my hook with her. Today she can have it after the dishes are done, laundry is done, and living room is picked up. Tomorrow she can have it after tomorrows work is done. If she does not like it she can get a job and move out: yesterday she filled out another job application! There is no anger involved in this it si just her room and board (and the use of the car)

My hook with my son is pride. Also, if he does not like it he can stay someplace else. Sometimes he yells about it but mostly he is enjoying the freedom of adulthood and of having a few bucks in his pocket. I work VERY hard at treating like an adult! Sometimes I tell him he has to shave before he goes anywhere and once every few weeks I tell him to pick up his room, but, MOSTLY I succeed in treating him like an adult and he sort of behaves like one! During work hours I am his supervisor: when it comes to freedom I am his landlord, and when it comes to dinners out and family outings I am Mom. It did take a few months before we got the hang of it but it does seem to work.

It was not how I was raised, but I think this is working better.

Now I really feel bad!

Got a letter from the high school today and my oldest daughter is flunking her English class. When my daughter got home I asked her why and she said she didn't get two Essay assignments turned in. I asked her why and she just shrugged her shoulders and said "I just didn't have enough time".

So I told her well I make more time for your homework. "no more concerts, no more overnight stays with friends, no more ballgames, no more school night church activities, till you raise that grade up".

She's been in her room crying all evening since! I feel like a bad dad now! I hate being a single dad with 3 girls at home.

__________________
r.h. in oklahoma

Raised a country boy, and will die a country boy.

Her crying does not make you a bad Dad. Teach her to work hard and have confidence in herself, that will make you a good Dad.

__________________
New Forum:
http://homesteadingfamilies.proboards.com/


Find me on facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/MelissaRileyNorris

WONDERFULL! You were a RESPONSIBLE Dad!

Do NOT back down or you will have to do it again, and nobody would want to do THAT again!

For that matter, your daughter would not want to still be in high school when she is 20, either, but she is too young to know that that is where skipping homework leads to!

You are never going to feel "good" all the time if you are doing it right.... they are not your friends, and not your pals... they are your children. You will feel much better when you are watching them walk down the aisle as they graduate both HS and college. You will feel lots better than the "good" dads who get to visit their kids behind bars... or the ones that take their kids to rehab... or abortion clinics... or..... the good dad's who get called down to the morgue to identify their children.

Its your JOB to be the "responsible "dad" not the "good" dad... you are the one that makes them learn how to function later in life. You and NOT the bad dad... you are indeed the good dad!

__________________
"Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples habits." Mark Twain

It's not your job to cater to her happiness 24/7 - that's what BAD Dads do. Bad Dads raise spoiled, self-centered children.

Good Dads impose consequences for bad behavior. Consequences are SUPPOSED to make people unhappy. She did not take her responsibility for good grades seriously, therefore you imposed a consequence. The fact that she is crying means she is TAKING THE CONSEQUENCES SERIOUSLY! Great job Dad!

You want to raise a well-loved daughter to be proud of, not a well-loved prima donna used to getting her way. Her social life clearly got in the way of good grades, to the point she doesn't even VALUE her performance in school. This does not bode well for her future employment if she can't even take required homework seriously. You ARE showing concern for her well-being - that's your job. GOOD DAD!

I would give her small rewards here and there when you witness good behavior - doing homework without being asked, that kind of thing. Small rewards do not mean letting her go out all night - I mean just encouraging comments, a promise to take her somewhere she likes on the weekend, something to keep her motivated.

__________________
Wise enough to know I'll never be wise enough to know it all

And I can ASSURE you that those 'spoiled self-centered children' REMAIN CHILDREN......forever. No matter how old they are, they remain self-centered, spoiled, and childlike.
Spare you kids this misery, and draw some lines in the sand.
Laziness, self-indulgent, pleasure seeking people are hideous to be around.
Do something NOW so that your kids don't become "one of them"!!

__________________
I am sure of two things: There is a God, and I am not Him.
The movie Rudy