Do your kids skip school alot?

Allen W · #21 10/05/12, 08:01 AM

Remind her that they can only miss so many days of school in Oklahoma before they automatically fail.

tiffnzacsmom · #22 10/05/12, 08:02 AM

Skipped? Never in my house but they live with their dad now and they miss school for the stupidest reasons. I did on occassion chose not to attend classes but those were few and far between, discussed wtih my father and were either days with assemblies and pep rallies so no educating was going on that day anyway or at least days with no tests, quizzes or assignments due. I was graduated 5th in my class, worked 20 plus hours a week and was an officer in six school activities so if I needed a breather my father was ok with it.

Michael W. Smith · #23 10/05/12, 08:05 AM

Kind of hard to change behavior that you have been lax on. I guess to nip it in the bud, you need to explain to your kids that there are new rules in place - and there will be no more skipping school.

If they are sick - they stay home in bed - no tv, no computer, no video games -ALL day. There won't be any more "I'm feeling better, I'm going to play with my friends."

Skipping school will just lead to more skipping of school. Your kids are to be getting their free education right now - later on after they are 18, and don't know the things they should - there is no more free vacation.

bluemoonluck · #24 10/05/12, 08:21 AM

You do realize that YOU as the parent can be taken to court and thrown in JAIL for your child's excessive absences, right?

School attendance is compulsory (unless you have a homeschool exemption). If you're the custodial parent, you're the one who goes to jail/has to take off work to go to court to defend to a judge why you can't get your kid to go to school.

When I worked with teens a LOT of parents would shrug and say "I can't MAKE them go to school....". Funny how their tune changed when they got the letter from the court telling them that their child was not meeting compulsory attendance guidelines and that jail time for the parents was the next step

You can get them in the car and walk them into the building and hand them over to the staff. If you can't make them get in the car, you can have a truancy officer come to your house and drive them to school in the squad car. My DH is a cop and he gets lots of calls from desperate parents on the brink of being tossed the slammer, and he has taken teens in pj's to school.

Once they are at school its the school's job to keep tabs on them.

I strongly suggest you meet with you children's counselor and administrator and explain your problems with their mother giving them permission to skip school, and ask what resources they have to offer you. Y'all can come up with a solid attendance plan.

**Kris in MI** · #25 10/05/12, 08:40 AM

Mine did not skip. Even senior skip day, they chose to go to school (sports later that day, important tests, etc). The only day they were allowed to "skip" was November 15th, opening day of deer season and they better be out in the blind or tree stand a half-hour before dawn, not laying in bed. Even then, more often than not they got up for the morning hunt, then chose to go to school after lunch time for their afternoon classes, then back to the woods for the evening hunt after school.

When I was little, early elementary school age, I went through a phase where I didn't feel like getting up in the morning and going to school. I'd rather stay home and sleep in. Well, my mom caught on to that after a few times, and her way of dealing with it was to call the school, okay it with them, and sent me in on the afternoon kindergarten bus! I was so mortified riding with all the 'baby kindergarteners'--who arrived at school when the older grades were having lunch recess--it cured that right then and there. After that, Mom's rule to stay home was "You puke, or you have a fever over 101. Otherwise, you go to school."

So, that was the rule for my kids too. No vomit, no high fever, get your tail out of bed and off to school with you!

Later, when the eldest boy got to middle school/junior high and had a few scuffles at school, he learned that suspension didn't mean a day of fun at home either. It meant a day of such hard labor that school was was picnic in comparison.

**Terri** · #26 10/05/12, 08:48 AM

I generally took their temperature: if they had a temp they could skip.

I ALSO got them up and saw what they ate for breakfast: if they ate either milk or eggs their stomachs were NOT upset, but if they chose crackers or skipped breakfast entirely then it probably was.

Headaches were a little tougher. I usually gave them pills when they complained of a headache and sent them off. Sometimes they started showing other symptoms once theyhit school and had to come home again. Oh, well.

Actually, my kids DID skip a fair amount of school, but mostly because they were feverish or had an upset stomach (and had crackers for breakfast) or some such thing.

And, lastly, NEVER tell the kids that you will keep them home if they eat crackers for breakfast! I always just said "I will think about it, in the meantime go and eat your breakfast). Then I would see what they ate!

Red_Hen · #27 10/05/12, 09:06 AM

I would dig deeper and find out exactly why she is wanting to skip.

Melissa · #28 10/05/12, 10:21 AM

If mine stayed home sick, they had to be in bed for the day. That said, I always allowed one day per nine weeks that they could stay home for whatever reason they wanted. I called it a mental health day! Even when you are working you get "personal" days, you don't always have to be sick to stay home. We would usually have a lot of fun on those days.

Elffriend · #29 10/05/12, 10:47 AM

LOL, Melissa, I was just going to post about "Mental Health Days" When I was in high school my parents allowed us one day per marking period where we didn't have to go, so long as we were not going to miss a test etc.

My kids are homeschooled so our schedule is just generally more flexible.

tuggerhugger · #30 10/05/12, 11:06 AM

I always had the no fever, no vomit, no skipping school rule...

until my youngest (at the time) would/could not drag herself out of bed no matter the penalty. For several months my super-responsible A student fought with me every morning, even to the point of my physically pulling her out of her bed and driving her to school in PJs. If she stayed home it was with no TV, no computer and in bed all day(and she did sleep all day if I let her)..she got school punishments too in the form of lunch detentions and ineligibility for Mathcounts competitions and athletic teams, but she continued to insist she was 'sick' almost every morning.
I did take her to the pediatrician multiple times over this span of nearly 6 months, and he basically said that she was slightly anemic (common for teenaged girls) and feeling stressed and just needed a multivitamin and a little shove to get out the door. Daughter got vitamins and early bedtime (I made her turn out the light early so she would not be tired in the morning) but she still insisted nearly every morning that she was not feeling well enough to go to school.
Her grades were suffering from frequent absences and time in school spent in the nurses' office instead of class. I took her back to the Dr office multiple times and insisted on a more stringent work-up for her...blood tests and throat cultures, etc to find out why she was so lethargic all he time. She also went to a mental health professional at my request, because I had a feeling that she wasn't intentionally lying about not being able to get going, but perhaps that could be a symptom of depression or something.
I went to several meetings with the school counselor and we looked into the possibility of bullying, or trouble adapting to new school environment.
I was truly at my wits end until our regular Dr was on vacation for one of my daughter's appointments the sub Dr asked her if she was feeling better after her long bout with the systemic virus.
Wait, WHAT?!!? Her lab work showed a rare form of systemic virus that creates symptoms similar to mononucleosis, but doesn't test positive for mono, because it isn't the SAME virus. She had been SICK for 8+ months and in and out of the Drs and labs every 2-3 weeks, and NO ONE NOTICED the increased viral titer!!!??
We chose to homeschool her in order to allow her to sleep at intervals over the course of the day while she recovered from the invasive virus (which caused only low-grade fevers in the 99.5 range).
I don't know what I could have reasonably done differently, but because I forced her to get up and go to school while she was fighting a bad, bad bug, her health is compromised, and her new Dr hinted that she may be slightly more 'fragile' - susceptible to future illness - because of the extreme, long-term stress put on her developing body.

Sometimes they really are just too sick and tired to go.

watcher · #31 10/05/12, 11:10 AM

I was blessed with the opposite. My kids would get up looking like death itself and announce they were "fine" and would be ok at school.

Peacock · #32 10/05/12, 11:10 AM

Ditto what Melissa said. I say that a lot lately, don't I?

I allow "mental health days" but my daughter never takes one. She's a junior in high school and hates exams. If they have perfect attendance, including no late arrivals, they get to exempt two exams each semester.

My son is more prone to wanting days off, but he's kind of a hypochondriac. I really have to watch him to make sure he's actually sick or just thinks he's sick. He's a lot like me and I remember feeling awful because I didn't get enough sleep - it adds up over days and just hits you. He's not a good sleeper, like me. My daughter's always asleep the second her head hits the pillow, so she can't understand! So I let him stay home and sleep, as long as it isn't too often, because I know how it feels.

Besides, he's a champ at convincing the school nurse that he's practically on his deathbed and they make me come and get him anyway.

But like Melissa said, if they're too sick for school, they're too sick for anything else and have to stay in bed.

Funny story - when my daughter was about eight or so, she wasn't feeling well one night and had a slight fever so the next morning I let her sleep in while I got my son ready and took him to the bus stop. We were up at the corner waiting for the bus when my daughter comes barreling out of the house all dressed and ready for school *screaming* for me not to let the bus leave without her! She was FURIOUS that I didn't get her up for school.

She still remembers that day, too.

ErinP · #33 10/05/12, 11:26 AM

My kids are almost never sick and when they are, it's really mild. In fact, my 13 year old was just asking why that was last weekend.
'Probably because you weaned at 4, and your sister at 3.' lol

To general skip days, I'll pull the kids for important family events, or to go with me to an out-of-town event for the other kid... that sort of thing. Otherwise, they usually like to be in school.

cindy-e · #34 10/05/12, 11:37 AM

We homeschool, but have outside classes. nope. we don't play hookie. If they are sick, we will stay home if they have a fever. and like others, if they are that sick, we rest. We don't play. We rarely take a mental health day, even from homeschool. We took one yesterday because we are exhausted from the move - which took forever. If they miss a day, they make it up. Even if it is a homeschool day. I have a lesson plan like other teachers do, and a certain amount of work to get done in a year. I'm oldschool like that (which by the way, is very unpopular in homeschool circles.)

FWIW,
Cindyc.

AngieM2 · #35 10/05/12, 11:52 AM

is the young person that is skipping very bright/smart upper percentile on test? Could she be bored out of her gourd with what is going on at school?

Oldcountryboy · #36 10/05/12, 11:21 PM

Well the daughter (middle daughter) who asked me to skip school did go to school this morning. I'm not usually around in the mornings when they go to school so I was surprized when I got home and seen she had gone to school.

However, my oldest daughter was home in bed. She did run fever last night and she stayed in bed all day today. But this evening she felt very good. So good she and the middle daughter took off to a Toby Mac concert. So hows that for sudden revival?

I did find out that what was probably the reason for my middle daughter wanting to skip school today was because she was going to be skipping the football game tonight. She plays in the high school band and she didn't want to have to face her band teacher today since she was skipping tonight for a concert. Afraid he would jump onto her for skipping tonight. That's why she didn't feel very good but she went to school anyway.

So I don't know. I try to teach them to be responsible, but ex-wife has other ideals for them. Take for instant, I'm somewhat still a beliver of God and don't participate in the growing casino gaming that's taken over Oklahoma. Well found out that ex-wife took them to a casino last weekend to eat at the buffet. You might ask well what's wrong with that? To me the food is the bait for the steel trap! When they get old enough, chances are they will be inside gambling their hard earned money away. The trap worked!

Yvonne's hubby · #37 10/05/12, 11:53 PM

Sign me up in the "fever, (at least 102) vomiting or broken bone" section. I NEVER allowed any of my kids to skip school. "Dont feel good" just never cut no ice around my house. I also insisted that if a child was sick, they needed bed rest... no tv, no radio, no books, or any other entertainment, and they were allowed out of the bed only to the bathroom, for a minimum of 48 hours. This eliminated the "desire" to lay up at home unless they were truly sick... in which case they really didnt mind. I did have one episode of the girls cutting an afternoon... no excuses... they just left the school during lunch hour and didnt return. Once seemed to be enough to satisfy that craving as they were then put to grubbing brush... for about two weeks during all of their normally free time... after school and weekends. There is nothing quite like having a couple acres of wild blackberries needing cleaned up! Some folks say I was a bit hard on the kids... but I felt differently, and so do the kids. They have all told me they are glad I set up rules and boundaries for them and made them stick to their business. As a matter of fact my Yvonne went to our boys graduation from the Motor Cycle Mechanics Institute in Florida this morning. He graduated top in his class and will be going to work at his new job at a Harley dealership monday morning. I feel fairly confident that he will do well... and the entire family... his "real" dad, (the guy that didnt have time to teach him anything) his grandparents, aunts and uncles have all commented that my "old school" way of doing things has contributed greatly to his success. As to your kids??? Handle that anyway you please... I am just telling you what worked for me... Easy to understand, firmly and fairly enforced rules with NO EXCEPTIONS. YMMV

Laura Zone 5 · #38 10/06/12, 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oldcountryboy

My kids do. I try to keep them in school but they're always coming up sick or something, wanting a day off. I guess they get it from their mom. Their mom is always skipping work. Always sick for some reason or another. I hardly ever skip work. I hate short paychecks.

Just a bit ago, my middle daughter came up to me and wants to skip school tomorrow. I asked her why? Her answer was "I don't know, I just don't feel good".

My response was "Don't you know that everytime you skip school all your doing is trainning yourself to skip work when your older and need to make a living?"

So we had our rounds about it and now she's probably in her bedroom calling her mom up for permission.

IF you don't like your kids skipping school, then don't allow it.
Everytime YOU allow them to misbehave / disrespect / lie, etc. they will do the same when they are adults.
"Just like dad".
Yeah, your wife IS setting a bad example.
And you are allowing it.
So......you are also setting a bad example.

No, my kids did not "skip" school while they went to public school.

bluemoonluck · #39 10/06/12, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oldcountryboy

However, my oldest daughter was home in bed. She did run fever last night and she stayed in bed all day today. But this evening she felt very good. So good she and the middle daughter took off to a Toby Mac concert. So hows that for sudden revival?
........
So I don't know. I try to teach them to be responsible, but ex-wife has other ideals for them.

OCB, I have a master's degree in counseling and worked as an adolescent counselor for many years before I became a SAHM. I'm going to say this as nicely and professionally as possible

Are you their parent or their roommate?

If these children are under the age of 18, they are minor children and YOU should be the supreme ruler of their universe. YOU are the one who is responsible for laying out expectations and consequences and following thru with them.

Child is sick and can't go to school? They can stay in bed all day. If they "miraculously" feel better by the evening - that does NOT give them a free pass to go to a concert UNLESS YOU GIVE IT TO THEM.

Adolescents are NOT adults. They are CHILDREN. It is your duty to parent them. That means saying "DD you were sick today and did not go to school. Therefore you cannot go to a concert tonight. Put your PJ's back on and head back upstairs to bed." Then you make her do it

If you give a teen an inch they'll take a mile and then some. It sounds to me like you've been trying to play "friend" and you've lost their respect.

If I had EVER told my mom that I was going out after not going to school that day she would have laughed hysterically in my face, then sent my happy behind back up to my room.

You need to step up and be a parent to your children and STOP being their friend. Contact their school counselor and set up a meeting, and ask them for help and resources. They can direct you to some outside counselors who specialize in these issues. You can also ask about getting your children assigned under CHINS thru the courts.

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you don't get this under control now things are only going to get worse. Do it today. You owe it to your kids to do right by them.

sandsuncritters · #40 10/06/12, 11:27 AM

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!

Please, take a

olecountry boy, please take her advise and avail yourself of parental counseling. It's awfully difficult to teach what you don't know or haven't experienced yourself.

The hardest part of being a parent is setting boundaries and following up on them when our kids are yelling "I hate you"

It bruised my heart, but I had to remember the long term consequences of allowing them to run amok.

Now that they are grown, educated and professional people, they are also parents. I can't tell you how many times I have heard my words coming out of their mouths - and in the same tone with the same inflection

They have thanked me many times for reining them in and counseling them with Scripture and a lovingly applied hand

Be a good parent - you're the one they will seek out for advice and counsel all their lives.

In His Love
Mich