Exwife wants to come back home.

Pixie, I didn't mean this as a blanket statement, but more directed to OCB, as he has revealed him and his wife are church goin' folks.

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I am sure of two things: There is a God, and I am not Him.
The movie Rudy

[QUOTE=Laura Zone 5;5942962]Sounds like the wife needs to really look at the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace. There is a place on the website to find a church in your area that is giving the class.

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I am sure of two things: There is a God, and I am not Him.
The movie Rudy

So of course that means the woman will make it be all his fault to the children. The man would never, ever do anything like that. Ever.

Yes I know that a lot of divorced people cannot be civil around each other. But it certainly isn't always the womans fault, its not the woman always badmouthing the other to the children, etc.

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Recognize the beauty in things, in creation, even when thats difficult to do.
Be loving, show compassion. Create while we're here.
Enjoy this life, be in this life but not be of it.

Wow.....the "I want you back" and then only days later "oh yeah I need 400 dollars and I don't have it".

No way would I let that back into my life.

__________________
Recognize the beauty in things, in creation, even when thats difficult to do.
Be loving, show compassion. Create while we're here.
Enjoy this life, be in this life but not be of it.

Of course he would! I never said this would be one sided.

Here's your answer.... she's broke and wants you for your paycheck.

You do not owe her an explanation, BTW. Next time she says "Oh woe is me, I don't have the money for _____" simply tell her "I'm sorry to hear that."

She's not your wife anymore. You aren't her husband anymore. She is no longer entitled to your money, and if she had money you would no longer be entitled to hers.

If she starts to hem and haw about not being sure she can afford to properly feed the kids (common ploy, believe me ) tell her "I'm sorry to hear that. If you cannot properly care for our children I'm more than happy to let them stay with me until you get your financial house in order. When would you like me to come get them?"

You are not her bank. You owe her nothing beyond court ordered child support .

And as for the issue of taking her back... IMO the separation period is when you explore this option. Once the divorce is final - its final. No more take-backs.

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Shannon, I wished so MUCH that my parents would get divorced, when they were "trying" to stay together for the kids. Kids aren't dumb. I also would not want my children growing up thinking this is what marriage is supposed to be like.
There is no way that that situation is better for the children.

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Recognize the beauty in things, in creation, even when thats difficult to do.
Be loving, show compassion. Create while we're here.
Enjoy this life, be in this life but not be of it.

Really? No blanket statements? In nearly (it could be all but I didn't bother to check) every post on any marriage thread you've declared the only way to make a marriage work has something to do with the Bible. My long marriage is not based on a Biblical husband, a Biblical wife or a rainbow wish, it's based on being partners and the willingness for both to work on the relationship. Your mileage may vary.

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People say I can't multi-task. Well, I can tick you off and amuse myself at the same time.

Sorry, but this is somewhat of a naive statement...There are many situations where children are better off not having both parents under one roof, or even access to one, or both parents...The fact that she is their mother does not negate the negative impact that she can have on them...If not directly, then indirectly as they watch her take advantage of their father.

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I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

Oldcountryboy, you have known the woman in question for 20 years, got married, had children with her and then divorced. If you have been paying attention for the past two decades, you should be crystal clear on the character and personality of your ex wife. I trust you know yourself well enough to understand what you expect and desire from life?

If you desire another 20 years like the last 20 years, then take her back. Otherwise . . . .

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I've been wondering why she asked you for this, and not the boyfriend that she left you for? doesn't he have a job?

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I yam what I yam and that's all what I yam.

Popeye

what is the saying: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"

That's how I feel about the people who breakup/leave/separate and then get back together again ONLY to do the same thing over and over!!!

I am glad to hear you are so happy.

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I am sure of two things: There is a God, and I am not Him.
The movie Rudy

Staying together 'for the sake of the children' is a good way to model an unhappy marriage. My DD's therapist once told her how lucky she was that I left her Dad sooner rather than later.

Read the OP's posts. SHE left him. SHE wanted a divorce. SHE strayed. These are hardly shortcomings.

Congratulations on 30 years. DH and I just celebrated 28 years. IMO you have to keep the lines of communication open for a marriage to work, and you have to have trust in your spouse. As a Christian, I do try to live our marriage in the Biblical sense, but I have known folks who weren't Christians that have had long and healthy marriages. It's about respecting one another.

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Christian Homesteaders Forum
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I would say no and certianly NOT. Yes I understand life is a mess. Yes it hurts. I'm still single for various reasons. The most outstanding reason is the women in my family. All abusers and users except for my Mom the only one I even really want to talk to out of 10 Aunts, 2 grandmas and 3 sisters the bigest reasons. The only thing I find are party girls even at church. There is no commitment to anything solid and nothing to offer in support of living. I've talked to many through the years and most just can't seem to make up their minds what they want. I've been used and it ain't no fun. No thanks.

Hmmm, so she left you for another man, then her van needs fixing? Who does she call? Her EX-husband? I wonder if maybe she knew that van was going to need money BEFORE she called to kiss and make up.

Let's not forget that divorces usually take a while to become final. And it is final, so this isn't something that you haven't had a bit of time to reflect on. It's not like "I want a divorce, ok, boom, done!" Each person has has time to reconsider.

It seems very fishy that the reconciliation that she wants is right about the time she needs money. Do not under any circumstances give it to her.....she will continue to use you forever. It's not fair for her to do that to you, and it's not a good example to the kids. It's a disfunctional relationship.

She knows where to go to get money and will "tap" you as long as she can. See how long she will want to get back with you when there is no cash flow or support of any kind. THAT is the true indicator. My bet is that when you say NO, she will get a new boyfriend asap, one that doesn't know any better yet, that will open his wallet to her.

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"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap."