Exwife wants to come back home.

yeah, what Tiempo said and can't she make jelly where she is. i can make jelly anywhere. she found out the grass wasn't greener on the other side. now she wants back. i'd be some careful were i you. like someone else said. weigh the pros and cons. jmo. ~Georgia.

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Georgians

I agree with those who say only you can know whether you should take your wife back. When people give you personal advice they are most often talking to themselves, about themselves. So here's my story about me.

I was married for seven years in my 20s, to a fairly volatile girl who had me walking on eggshells, and eventually she got tired of me and started seeing other guys. She confronted me with that information and I left, and got a divorce. I was aware at the time that I could try to patch things up and save my marriage, and had mixed emotions about not doing so, but I went ahead with the divorce anyway.

However, I soon after met and married my current DW and we are far, far better suited to each other and very happy after 21 years. If I had hung in with my first marriage I would never have been with the person I was meant to be with. I would still be laying low, hoping to avoid the next blowup, making myself as small as possible, with wife number one, and wondering when she would dump me for good.

Looking back, I am very glad things went as they did. My ex-wife did me a favor. All I had to do was be open to finding my true path, which was not the one I was on.

My parents went the other way. She was an alcoholic and he cheated, and I don't know who I felt more sorry for. They had an awful marriage, constant tension and frequent scenes, often split but always got back together "for the kids." I would give anything to go back in time and tell them each what a train wreck living in that house was for us, and that they should go their separate ways and at least give us all a chance at some normal life.

My advice (to myself) - a marriage is a means to an end, and is never more important than the people in that marriage. Users and martyrs both make lousy life partners. Give your own happiness consideration right alongside that of the other folks involved. To thine own self be true.

I have been there before , but I don't want to talk about it in an open forum , but I didn't move back home when begged too .
I would ask her if You do decide to Think about taking her back , ask her to go to your Doctor and take a test for STD's and show You the results .
It is a Different world out there now .
Bandit
Ps
She puts You after the Fun of Making Jelly LOL

Exactly. This scenario happens alot in broken relationships. Often the person leaving for greener pastures finds out there are alot of cow patties to dodge on the other side and it's usually that they miss the financial security and someone to come home to, instead of the partner they left.
Do you really think she changed that much in just a few months?
It's sad and I understand what you're saying about the kids, but they are just going through an adjustment period, as are you.

Like everyone said, you are the only one that can make that decision. It sounds like you already have serious doubts.
And something else you seriously need to consider in this day and age is sexually transmitted diseases. Cheating partners are risky business and whether people like to admit it or not, they really can deal you a death sentence. Deadly STDs that are rampant anymore. I would keep that in mind while you're considering everything and think about making her get tested if you decide to get back together.
Prayers for you!

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Vickie

The one absolute Biblical acceptable reason for divorce is adultery. So far as I can see, that she did. You really want someone who's going to spread her favours around anytime she gets bored or p'd off? Who'll publically cuckold you to people she and you both know, just to show everyone what she thinks of you? Okay, she didn't do it secretly - she up-front told you she was going to do it. Up and told you she was flat-out going to break her wedding vows. Then went out and did it. And that makes it better? How?
Love? Not hardly.
Honour? Yeah, right! And that in front of all your friends and relatives.
Cherish? Means care for. Sure!
Cleave only? Uh-huh!

For sure, if you were to consider re-uniting, I would go with "six months minimum of dating with no sex, no financial support, and six months of weekly counselling". Your future lives are worth at least that much thought. And while the six months were passing, I'd secretly be checking to see whether she really meant it, or whether she seemed to feel she needed men on the side. After all, that's what she wanted before.

Personally, I wouldn't do it. As others have said, there are old patterns that it's just too easy for her to s.l.i.d.e.. back into, easy as that, and as hard to resist. There might be fault, or at least weakness, on your side as well. Put you together, and the same old well-worn patterns would tend to slip into place. If she was bored, she'd be bored. If she wanted action that her Holy Vows didn't give her, she'd still have those desires. If she didn't believe that keeping promises made to you and God before the congregation, before mankind and the Lord, adhering to the wedding Contract, was worth doing... well, what's changed? If you didn't indulge in Holy Matrimony - well, still, the same sort of promises were implicit, even if you only did it in an earthly service. What, did she have her fingers crossed when she stood before a judge? Does that make it okay?

I would never "do it for the children". Kids are pretty smart, a lot smarter than most people give them credit. Sometimes it's best for the kids not to be drug through all the emotional turmoil. If you are considering reconciling because you still love her and believe you can make it work, then I'd say go for it. But make sure your reasons and priorities are right.

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After reading the responses so far I am thinking I may have given the wrong impression with my original reply. I still stand by what I said but..

I was going on the assumption that she was "talking" about freedom and wanting to feel desired, maybe a plea for change albiet an immature one. I neglected to consider that she may have acctually strayed prior to leaving (duh, the texts) or that whatever situation she wanted didn't work out.

If that were the case and your only beef with her is hurt feelings and bills I would definitly consider counseling and dating.

If on the other hand I overestimated her and she did play around physically I would NOT give her a chance. It shows a lack of class and a lack of respect for you, her family and her vows. In that case I would only suggest trying if your religious values dictate so. Being settled for after someone else didn't work out is terrible.

There is a HUGE difference between talking and making the mistake of saying something stupid -and- actually making bad decisions (acting on them) that cannot be taken back.

Could you ever forgive her (not foget) can you ever rekindle warm feelings for her? That matters a lot. Resentment that never goes away over the years is no way to live. An empty marriage is a living heck.

Or, you can take advantage of your right to some freedom, date some women who have an interest in you and see what you feel like after that. You may miss her, you may not. It would certainly make her think twice about what she did.

it really sounds to me, from your post, that she is just finding out that the other side of the fence just isn't as fun as planned. when my horse gets loose, he runs like a wild thing, only to come home and stand there--gosh, there was nothing out there for him that ain't right here!! but he's just a horse. if my hubs did it, I'd let the pony run. and have considered chasing him off myself several times. but with me, there is enough good to continue to fight, even when he's been a pill, and he wants to keep 'us'. your ex didn't. myself, I dont' want to be with someone who threw me away.

and I'd bet that if you moved her back, you'd be in the same mess in a short time.

tempting, I'm sure. long ago I was with someone who after I dumped (and should've long before) I still missed him. he was horrible to me. but, change isn't always easy. and, even a short time apart starts to erode the bad, and you start to remember the better parts. that's great, but there was a reason you called it quits.

but what makes you think anything would be different? are either of you different? you seemed pretty relieved when it was over, you would've been very upset if there was a reason to hold onto her. but you weren't. do you want to live thru that yet again? and the kids, drag em thru it again?? maybe the adjusting is difficult, but what would be worse for them is doing it twice.

think very carefully and tread lightly and slooooowly.

The reason the grass is greener on the other side is because it took a lot of to achieve that color.

I would not allow her to come back until you have gone through at least 10 weeks of solid Biblical counseling for you two, and then for the kids.
She needs to repent of what she has done to her family, and her family needs to see that SHE MEANS IT......not just blowin off at the mouth to come home and repeat what she did before.

(And a 'clean bill of health" from the doctor....if you know what I mean)

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Can't say what I would like to say without sounding snarky.
My brother's ex pulled this on him for several years, always after she had a fight with the guy she left him for.

A little story to explain getting back together with an ex.

You go to the fridge for a drink of milk. You open the carton and give it a sniff. Phew! Spoiled! Well, put it back in the fridge, and see how it is tomorrow.

Once something has gone rotten, it doesn't get better with time.

I go with 'scrape the goo off your shoe'. Sound like you're happier and doing better without her.

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~Only the rocks live forever~

So, what has she done to make changes in her life? Gone to counseling? Gone to college? What? You don't sound like you want her back in your life. If you did , you wouldn't have had to think about it. You would have jumped at the chance to have her back.

It's not easy for the kids to be bouncing back and forth like they are, but they get used to it. If you don't already have major custody, get it. Don't let them guilt trip you about the bouncing. They know it bothers you, so they push that button.

I agree! She's found that chasing other guys isn't what it's cracked up to be, particularly when they aren't paying the bills. I would be VERY leery of taking her back. I would second what the other person said, just date her first, if this is what you really want. There is a really good chance that she just wants to come back because it's not that easy out there on her own, and with you, she has security. You may find that when you are just dating, instead of her moving in, her interest may wane when she discovers that you aren't going to pay her bills for her, etc.

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"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap."

Sure sounds one sided to me. So nice he was such a good husband and her a poor wife. Bet she was missing something between the two of them. Mabey she needs to be wanted, not just a piece of furniture around the house. It's never just one sided.

I am going out on a limb here....

When you were together, did she feel loved? Why was the attention from other men so exciting for her...was she not getting any from you? Why were you so indifferent when she said she was leaving? What if she wanted you to tell her to stay...that you loved her and your marriage meant something to you?

Not at all defending her actions, but WHAT IF living in a loveless relationship took its toll on her? Feeling unloved by your spouse wreaks havoc on a woman's soul.

I may be way off, but if I am not, I can't help but feel sorry for a woman who is desperately searching for someone to love her and want her. No, the grass isn't greener on the other side, but from the sounds of it, this woman hasn't had green grass for a long time.

I am just trying to look at things from a different perspective than "she is a horrible woman and she deserves what she got." Sometimes situations lead women to do things they normally wouldn't do.

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Chick with a gun.

Is your credit rating worth more to you than your helpmete? your mate? the other half of who you are?
A blood covenant is not just broken over money. She was wrong, very wrong to betray your covenant by wanting to "date other people". And you feel betrayed, used, deeply hurt. That is fully understandable. But marriage is a covenant. And a mate is more valuable than money or a credit rating.
You need to go through some counseling together to try to save the covenant. It is what is best for your hearts, your health, and your lives if you can save the holy covenant of marriage together. If she wants to try, then I wouldn't waste the opportunity by worrying about the money spent on a stupid cell phone bill.

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Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Well I am thinking that he must not have been too bad if she wants to come back...

Sometimes people get to thinking that their decent, hard-working, perfectly normal mate just isn't exciting enough and they want to leave for fun and romance and good times. Then they realize that what they had was actually pretty good...

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Either that or she has very low self esteem....???

Maybe he wasn't a wonderful husband? Maybe he was......I don't know the whole story.

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Chick with a gun.

She already broke that covenant when she left him, divorced him and dated other people...he has no obligation to her anymore...

There was a reason you got a divorce.....

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