How do YOU handle frustrating people?

I used to work with a fellow in a shop who when asked to do anything.... and I do mean anything... beyond washing and polishing cars would just give you an odd sorta look and say "I dunt know how ta do daaaaat", smile and go back to whatever task he was doing.

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"Nothing so needs reforming as other peoples habits." Mark Twain

Learning to ignore them is the first step, letting the phone ring. Good for you, keep up the good work!

Why can't you just be honest with them without being snarky. Tell them you'll help them in an emergency, but only once and during your help, they must learn to do for themselves as you will not be available the next time that issue comes up.
Hiding in fear of contact with your neighbor is NOT good for you. You can help them by teaching them to help themselves...and if they refuse to learn, they'll need to move on.

I would never give excuses in a situation like this - that gives them the opportunity to try to get around it.

"No. Sorry, I just can't" is the stock answer. If they persist you just need to give the variations. "mm.. sorry" "Can't do it, sorry" "Nope, I just can't".

I agree the tank change could be seen as more of an urgent matter, but by and large the above will cover pretty much everything.

Mary

Thanks for all the suggestions. You all really got me thinking and it did help.
So far so good today. No phone calls & I stopped hiding from them. I just needed a break for my head to re-group I guess. It was just getting to be too much for me. Too many repeated times helping them with the same thing. There were other things I didn’t mention also when I first posted that also bugged me too.
Now that I know better what I am dealing with I can be more blunt and honest with them about them doing more to help themselves when it happens again. They probably will not like what I have to say & they might think I’m mean but Oh well. I guess sometimes you just do have to be honest & this is one of those times no matter what they think of me afterwards.

Not good at all! You are still giving reasons....strained my back, have to pick up your nephew....if you give reasons why you can't, they will be sure to come back with reasons why you can. Now get back in your room and study harder!

I think you are on the right course of action now.

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I just don't answer the door when I am at home, especially if I am at home alone. We don't have friends or family in the area, so there is no one that I'm interested in talking to anyway. Anytime the doorbell rings it is either a kid trying to sell fundraisers for school or the Jehovah's Witnesses that come around every now and then. If that is an option for you, I would recommend it because it would save any arguing or guilting.

I wish it was just them at my front door. Would be easier to ignore them. But they are right next door.

I was just outside taking laundry off the line when the daughters came outside to go somewhere. I managed to turn the tables on them when the usual chit-chat questions came out of their mouths. I just don’t know why this bugs me but it does. No “hi how are you? Or isn’t it a nice day?” but I get questions. First one was what are you doing?
My answer while holding clothes pins and towels was “picking cherries”
While they were dazed with that one I hit them with the round of questions they usually ask me.. “… Are you OK?...Who was that lady that was over Saturday?...are you going some where?” (well obviously they are the older one only comes out side to leave)

Maybe it was snarky. Maybe I’m in a foul mood. I don’t know. Questioning them was mostly to keep them occupied & avoid them prying into my life while they waddled to their car.
But the “are you OK? Question they always ask me every time I find sorta degrading. Why would I be not OK if I’m just sitting outside watering my garden? Or doing anything outside. Now I might ask someone how are you doing? But not “are you OK?”
There is a difference right?

It's perfectly ok to set your boundaries. Learn to use your "NO". If you don't like their questions, say so. Some people just force you to be a bit mean with them because they are unable to pick up on more subtle communication clues. I don't know why some people are that way but they can't sense when they are crossing the line with someone. Just try to say "look, I'm doing fine but I would like some quiet time to myself right now." Or "No, you will have to find someone else to fix that for you."

Practice saying those things. It gets easier the more you do it. Most of us don't want to be mean to others and we like to help people. That's a good thing. But sometimes when we are taken advantage of, we have to set our boundaries.

It's hard. I admit I don't do that perfectly either. Sometimes I worry that if I don't want to help someone, I am being callous or selfish. But on closer examination generally I am not. Often it just isn't a good time or a person is being out of line in their requests. It's perfectly OK to say no then.

There is a difference between "How are you doing" which is a pleasantry and "Are you OK" which implies there is something wrong with you. Often seriously wrong.

Thanks I that's what I thought too.

& since posting that I gave "brains of a brick" her first flat out refusal. She came knocking on the door & told me that a water main had broke down the street. City water here. I went out to look & sure enough water is pouring down the road. I said "Thank you for telling me & to excuse myself to shut the door I say I should go and fill up a bucket for flushing before it gets turned off". THEN the "can you do me a favor" came out... she asked me to call her sister to have her fill a bucket for flushing too. I musta looked shocked. I said aren't you going back home & she said ya. So I said then you do it! So she did...she pulled her cellphone out of her pocket to call her sister as she walked home. I bet she was in the door before it even got answered. Now That just is not normal!
It really must be some kinda habit with this family. I've never seen anything like this before!

Thats when you ask her "Is your Momma breathing?"
If she answers 'Yes' then you tell her "You did it right'
if she answers 'No' then 1/3 of your problem has gone away.

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Wow! Very strange, indeed!
But, congrats on the NO front! LOL

Oh mnn I just choked on my soda! Thank you so much for the Laugh I really needed that!

Sounds like you're getting good advice. Talking things over with people like that will cause you to get a bloody forehead from banging your head against their wall. No means no. No doesn't mean having to come up with some excuse that they "will" try to work around. Just. No. Best of luck.
Wait. I'm reading back a few and seeing that the words "I'm sorry" are coming out. I wouldn't go that route. Just no. Saying I'm sorry is a hard habit to break. It implies that you would if you could (etc), but for some reason you can't. People like that can smell that kind of stuff a mile away and keep coming back. Because....someday you may not be "sorry" and will do for them. There's always hope, right?
Anyhoot..... that's just my opinion. I've had to deal with this crud before. It's good practice to say no to neighbors and then you can do use the no word on family members as you get good at it! ha!

SOunds like their used to everyone doing for them. Just be busy and theyll move on later