I need to vent!

Ah yes mothers and daughters...sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

I certainly am not judging. I have no idea of the dynamics of OP family.
It's always a good thing to vent.
There aresome of us who wish we had a living mom to vent about

I lost my beloved mother when I was 18 and I STILL completely understand Kris's need to vent. Read between the lines, I'm sure there are many, many other examples where this mom tries to make the world revolve around herself. If this were an isolated incident, I doubt the OP would feel the need to vent in such a way.

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Wise enough to know I'll never be wise enough to know it all

Thanks, everyone who replied. My intent was to get it off my chest so that I didn't send a snarky message back to my mother. Yes, there's lots more going on, years and years and. . . you get the picture.

I do love my mom, but the older she gets, the more she has this way of alienating people. Which is ironic, because I think, really, deep down, she herself is pretty needy and is trying to tie people closer to her so that they can't get away. A comment she made eight years ago after her mother died (her father died 20 years ago) was that she is now "an orphan". Lots of self-pity. To me, an orphan is a child who has lost their family, not a grown adult who's parents died when that adult was past the age of 40. Especially an adult with a spouse, children, and grandchildren of their own. But this is just one example of where she wants pity and I just can't give enough of it. Yes, you miss your parents. But you're not all alone in the world.

I've found that I have to deal with her in small doses or else I just can't deal with her at all.

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Kris
http://thislittleplacehere.blogspot.com/

Isn't THAT the truth!

I saw it with my DD and now I see it with her and her DD!

Glad you were able to vent, I understand completely--not in regaurds to my mom but my mother in law. MY MIL wants my kids birthday parties etc. to be all about her! Heck she wants everything to be all about her. Sometimes I think they need to be told and called out on it. I just might have hit send on that letter, she may not realize how she comes off to others and it might make her change her ways.

venting is good sometimes. It's not good to keep it all in. Shame on others who would judge you for jsut venting. You are doing NO HARM by venting. Stress release is a good thing Now, venting is done, you can go back to dealing with mom LOL

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It's not that I don't like mankind, I just like nature a whole lot more.

Please don't take it that I was criticizing you, Kris -- I'm glad you felt you could vent here, rather than send a letter to your mother that you might later regret.

All I was saying is that our perspective changes a great deal after they're gone. My mother could be demanding, although she was never selfish or self-centred. She was VERY opinionated, though, and told you exactly what she thought. It could get annoying -- especially when she felt I was making poor decisions, and I felt that they MIGHT be, but they were mine to make.

Once they're gone, though, all of those annoyances fade, and you find yourself wishing for just ONE minute where you could tell them exactly how much you love them, and seek assurance that they knew it.

A friend of mine put it very clearly once. Her husband was complaining about something his mother did... and she said to him, "Last I heard, they haven't installed a telephone line to heaven." Meaning, of course, we only have so much time to communicate to our loved ones exactly how much we care, and to make sure that there are no regrets once they're gone.

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Ignorance is the true enemy.

I've seen the village, and I don't want it raising my children.

www.newcenturyhomestead.com

Hee hee, I would also love to write a letter to my mother in law. She's quite like this too, and dh is the only one of her four kids who doesn't kow-tow to her (well, he does sometimes but not as often as his siblings).

At DS2's open house last weekend, it hadn't even been going for an hour when mil asked when DS2 was going to open his gifts. Dh and I both said later, that he was much too busy still greeting people who were arriving to do that all ready. She tells Dh that she 'wants everyone to see' the gift she brought for DS2. Dh told her that DS2 didn't want to open gifts so soon. (In fact, DS2 didn't want to publicly open gifts at all, he wanted to do it in private as it was mostly cards and wanted to avoid anyone feeling bad if they couldn't afford to give even that. His open house was not about receiving gifts, it was about celebrating with people).

Ten minutes later, mil is parading through the open house, loudly calling for everyone's attention, having grabbed DS2 away from his other guests and insisting he open the gift she brought.

It was a nice bedspread she had made (that unfortunately because she stitched "To DS2, Love Grandma" in 6" high letters in the middle, he does not want to take to college with him as she told him to.) At which point my mother also insisted DS2 open the gift she brought while everyone was watching.

*sigh* This is what we're dealing with here. My kids refer to it as "Dueling Grandmothers". One jumps in the spotlight, then the other has to push her out. It happened four years ago at DS1's open house also, and I wish I could effectively keep it from happening next year at DD1's graduation.

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Kris
http://thislittleplacehere.blogspot.com/

feel free to vent here. It's ok, we understand.

Also, you have good judgement (not to send it) and it didn't hurt anyone.

For those people "slamming" Kris because she is so "mean" read her post AGAIN! Her letter is a joke and one she wrote half as a joke, half to vent.

And for those who lost parents and say "Oh, if only I could hear them again . . . " - memories have a way of brightening the good times and of forgetting the bad times. (I understand what you saying though, as both of my parents are gone. However as has been said, they weren't saints - no matter how much you try to tell yourself they were.)

And Kris, as for your comment about your Mother feeling an orphan. My mother died when I was 22, and my Father died when I was 41. After my Father died, it crossed my mind several times "I'm an orphan now." or "I feel like an orphan." Even though I had a loving wife, and a son, and my siblings, the thought still crossed my mind. (But now going on and on about it, that's a whole 'nother can of worms.)

Yep, I totally "get" your letter.

Family . . . . . . . you gotta love them (and hate them sometimes)!

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Michael W. Smith in North-West Pennsylvania

"Everything happens for a reason."

I'd say it's pretty common for adults to feel like orphans if they no longer have any parents. I know I do.

I had to LOL about "love grandma" in 6" letters on a bedspread! As nice as it is, what boy would take that to college and be subject to abuse! Oh dear, someone is quite out of touch!

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Wise enough to know I'll never be wise enough to know it all

Exactly!!!! And if the OP's mother is anything like mine, then the comment was made snidely and was intended as a dig to the OP and her son.

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S-J Farms
http://s-jfarms.com

I have no clue as to the relationship OP has with her mom, BUT...I'm afraid I've often said to either of my kids, when we get time to be just 'us' after lots of big events, that I'm happy to have them without the big crowd. it was never meant as anything more than me saying, 'I love all that, but love when there is no competing for conversation, and I get you to myself'. I never realized it could be a bad thing. it's not about me, just that sometimes there are situations where there is a huge crowd and I miss even talking to them the entire time. I never felt I was whining. just saying. I just don't think this was all that horrible, but I'd never deny someone the right to vent if it was to you. and I'm not bashing anyone's feelings, but when my parents died I felt like an orphan. even tho I was older. I think that's rather normal, no matter what age you are, if you loved your parents and lost them.

I have no intention of "slamming" the OP. Because my mother was much the same way. Loved pity parties. But after she died there has been so many times I wish I could go back and try a little harder.

Next time you have to get something done while she's there maybe ask her to help. Sounds like she is just lonesome and is feeling like she is no longer needed.

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A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.