Whos Money Is It ?

By the law the money belongs to the child.
The Parent is holding it in trust for the sole use of taking care of the child.

It isnt suppose to go into the family budget, since it is not for the family's joint use.

If push comes to shove in court, they will want it accounted for.

Well i voted other since mine kinda falls into two of the catergories. I only get $159 a month, so $20 goes to my son for himself,$60 goes into his saving account,what is left goes for whatever is needed.

I was involved in a divorce case where the mother made no secret of the fact that while she has the skills to work, in fact had a good job with a very high hourly wage, it was her intention to secure sufficient child support to quit her job (the children were will into elementary school at the time) and at home. "He is going to support me for as long as I want to be supported" was her thinking.

It's outdated thinking.. it might have washed in the 70s and 80s but by 1990 courts had begun to accept that women could, and should, be in the workforce and help to support their kids. When all was sugared off in the end the court took into account not what she was earning as a very limited part time employee, but what she could be earning if she worked full time, added it to his income, and divided by two. Her child support for two children: $238/month. Which, by the way, is not adjusted for inflation, something I think is a bit odd since $238 is going to "shrink" over the 8 years or so it will take to get the kids to 18.

I think Rainy is doing child support brilliantly.. using it to take care of the future. I wish one of these parents could see beyond today and had taken the initiative to start saving for these kids' futures. As it is the only college savings they have is the tiny account we started for them. And $1000 isn't going to buy much.

__________________
Icelandic Sheep and German Angora Rabbits

Yes, it does belong to the child--to pay their share of food, housing, clothes etc.Half of each, one half for the Mother to provide, half for the Father to provide.
Not for the child to buy toys--unless its left over from "support".

__________________
In Life, We Weep at the thought of Death'
Who Knows, Perhaps in Death,
We Weep at the though of Life.

Incorrect. The legal definition of child support is support to enable the child to live a similar lifestyle as though the parents did not divorce. That would include paying rent or mortgage so that the child lives in a similar neighborhood, paying for food so that the child can continue to eat, paying for utilities so that the child still has basic needs. Paying for clothing so that the child has clothes on their back. Most single parents live a lifestyle that is worse than before divorce whereas most non custodial parents lifestyle significantly improves financially. In my case-- I was a stay at home mom when the children were young. We got divorced, and I went to school. Now I make about 30K/year. Their dad makes about 90k a year now (i put him through school before the kids were born). He is only ordered to pay 400/month for 3 kids. Not exactly a vast fortune that I am sitting around and collecting, getting rich.

And no, the courts do not ever require a detailed accounting of the child support. Unless, that is, you are either receiving or asking for more than the general percentage guidelines of your state. Considering the guideline in Texas for 1 child is 17% of the non custodial parents income, plus a portion of healthcare coverage and daycare expense if the child is under 12--- its not like the average single parent is getting wealthy off of child support.


None of the support my father paid for me went towards any of these things. My mom made 4 times what he made-- whenever she got his 100 dollar check, I was dumped off at the grandparents and my mom and stepdad went out on the town.

Every time groceries are bought, that is money going towards the kids. Every time the electric bill is paid, that is money going towards the kids. Every time a pair of jeans is bought....etc.

The kids are getting the child support with every bite of food they eat and every shower they take.

Yes, provided they are receiving ample supply of these things, you are absolutely correct. A certain amount of the child support SHOULD be paid towards rent, utilities, food, transportation, etc. But when the child is doing without and support is still being paid, it is time to look into what happens with the support. My rule was always to make sure everything was taken care of and his special things were bought before any fun adult things happen. Even when no support was received for 7 of the eight years I should have received it. I always made sure my son was not wanting of any of the necessities to make his life as normal as possible before I bought something silly for myself. Peer pressure is the most stressful thing for an adolescent. Sending a child to school dirty because you spent your laundry money on something stupid is unacceptable. I do not understand the parent that constitutes not paying for some activity at school because they won't then have beer or cigarette money for the week.

__________________
Nina's Grammy

I know a man who is always into it with his ex. They have three kids, the youngest is 12. He owns the house she lives in, he pays utilities, food, medical, close for the kids, music lessons, football expences, etc. but he won't give her a dime. She has trouble even getting a tube of lipstick. She took him to court and the judge told she to get a job and kicked her out.

obviously, food, power and other household expenses are included in "the child needs".

The problem comes in when the support recipient say has a 500 dollar a month power bill, and spends all of the support check on that one bill and the child goes without other things the other parent is expecting to be paid with the support. (school expenses, clothes, food, ect) and the custody parent continually whines there is not enough support.

If the support is for 3 kids, in a 4 person home then the child's "cut" of the utilities is about 1/4.
If you're a moral person, you use only what is the kid's "logical share".

Depending on the court and judge, your mileage may vary.

Most of them buy the story "The support only pays the power and water bill!" and don't point out, the recipient parent should (not always must) do some fairness math and spread it around to benefit the kids as fairly as possible

How, and where a custodial parent uses their support checks is not often enforced as well as it should be.

good (and he's a saint)

__________________
When faced with issues in life, where do you look for the problem; out the window, or in the mirror?

Wish he were my ex. What a keeper. She screwed up.

__________________
Nina's Grammy

i think the issue is actualy that everyone has different priorities for thier money , often a reason in itself that many get devorced

i think many feel like the other is living a little to high on the hog via the money that they pay to child support in comparison to the way they are living that it has little to do with what the kids have

an example x-spouce (A) payes child support and has the 2 kids friday after school thru monday start of school and x-spouce (B) was not working at the time of devorce and still doesn't even with every weekend free
but it troubles (A) that the kids show up wearing the grubby cloths every friday this upsets (A) that the kids come wearing rags but every time (B) is seen they are nicely dressed and have been seen driving a newer car around latley

some of it may be the same very poor communications that helped disolve thier marage in the first place but much of it may also be in the priorities each have for thier money and one feeling like they are paying for the X to live well while feeling like the money provided should go only for the direct needs of the kids like thier cloths , school lunches , groceries they will eat , not smokes or beer.

do i feel like for some child support should be loaded on a EBT type card that only works to buy approved merchandice , yes but just like food stamps , the EBT card and anything else there will probably always be a way to exsploit it. but it may be somthing that a judge could order book keeping in certain cases.

and yes it can go both ways i have both freinds and relatives that are men that have primary custody of thier kids , but that is not the way the law here favors they had to fight hard to get it that way and in some cases because the non primary wasn't working before the separation and divorce they don't pay support any way.

In a lot of cases, the child support ordered doesn't come NEAR to footing the expenses of children--- if I had to rely on child support we'd starve to death.

There are some cases where an accounting should be mandatory. A close friend is employed on a river boat and makes great money when he works, he works a lot of consecutive 24/7 weeks and is gone from home a lot, but only works about 7-8 months a year during shipping season,.

He discovered his wife was cheating with a local drunk/druggie/thief/general no account and divorced her. They had 1 child and she convinced the judge to base the year around support on what he makes the months he is working, so she gets a pretty good chunk of money, in addition he pays for the kid's insurance.

The ex never worked outside of the home and still doesn't, her shack up works very sporadically at best and they now have 2 children together.

What's eating my friend alive, aside from the financial struggles, is, as he puts it "I know a lot of the support money I pay is being spent on that SOB and those two bastard kids they have". "He doesn't work enough and can't steal enough to keep them afloat without it".

My friend pays enough that his child should be very well taken care of, but isn't. He bitterly resents, and justifiably so I feel, having money he pays for his child spent on kids he didn't father and the ex's live-in, especially when his kid isn't dressed well, and he suspects isn't fed or treated well.

He has spent a ton of money on attorney’s fees trying to have this horrible situation corrected, all to no avail.

Yes, sometimes an accounting is completely in order and proper.

I ask others this afternoon who also know both of these two what went wrong? He was working 40 - 45 hrs a week and going to school 8 hrs in the classroom plus studying. She didn't think he was paying enough attention to her so she cheated. The second time he devorced her. According to these other people it wasn't the second time only the second time he kenw about. He finished school and got the advanced position making five times the money they started on.