was I wrong? am I guilty?

This is one of those situations where you get to choose what to do, and there are many "right" courses of action. I am with the poster that said standing up for your daughter is your job. More than that, you could make a hard-core decision to hew to the line of right, let the chips fly where they may... meaning, that you cuold go directly to the school board and still be TOTALLY in the right, after the response you got from the prinicpal. There are many more actions that would also be in line with the princiPLE of parenting.

R

__________________
When faced with issues in life, where do you look for the problem; out the window, or in the mirror?

Agreed... one of the bestest posts I've ever read on any message board.

__________________
Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the heck out of your enemies. - Ferengi Rule of Aquisition #76

Don't blame me, I voted for Ron Paul.

I am a rabid advocate for my child, and my reputation has preceded me thru a number of service providing agencies, their fear of what they think I might do has served me well. Then the Boy started elementary school, and their wonderful, I don't have to glare at anyone, threaten action, mouth veiled threats of retaliation from higher up, camp outside anyones office door until they 'fix' things, its just amazing. But I've heard horror stories about Middle school, it all changes then, and all the beauty and caring and innocence of Elementary school is gone. I've got two years to polish my claws.

It is your job to fight for your child, whether that meant calling her out on it right there and causing a huge mess, or going over her head to the principal, that was your right. In the future I'd make it very clear that you aren't going to tolerate her behavior, and that you don't have a problem facing conflicts, she might, only cowards make fun of a disabled child. Be in her face if it merits it, go over both their heads if she hasn't learned any manners, do whatever you have to, take no prisoners.

I'm a little bit confused about some of what you said.

"Other mom & secretary behind the counter both shared "amusement" & made sport about my kid."

What exactly does this mean? Did they exchange glances and smile and half laugh or what. Did they actually say anything?

"Principal got mad & defensive and more or less called me a liar and then told me he keep my "confidentiality"."

Again, what EXACTLY did the principal say? Did he come right out and call you a "liar"?

And then you talked to the vice-principal. This person is different than the principal, correct?

I can't hardly give advice when I'm uncertain of what exactly was done & said. However, if the secretary did make fun of your daughter in some way, you should have immediately went in and told the principal. Not wait for several days.

Your email you sent to him will do nothing other than to make you seem "crazy" and "off". By all means defend your daughter, but then don't belittle the person you are trying to get on your side.

In school there is a chain of command that should be followed. Starting with the teacher, than the vice-principal/principal, superintendent, and finally the school board. This chain of command must be followed to get results.

For example, if your daughter had problems with a teacher, you go in and talk to the teacher. If this doesn't solve the situation, you then move up the chain to vice-principal / principal who will investigate your side and the teacher's side. If you don't get results there, you move on up to the superintendent who will then investigate the situation as well getting your side, the principal's side, and possibly the teacher's side. Only when you get no results from these people do you move onto the school board.

Bear in mind, that if your school district has the "good old boy" mentality, it's possible that the principal will cover up for the teacher, and the superintendent will cover up for the principal. As for the school board, the superintendent usually gives them the "low down" of what happened, so again, if there is the "good old boy" mentality, the superintendent will tell the school board what "really" happened and make you out to be a complainer, a loon, or just a nut. (However, keep in mind that any "good old boy" mentality can backfire, as if the truth does comes out, their job is now in jeopardy.)

Problems need to be dealt with as soon as possible after they happen. And getting mad or angry or yelling, does nothing for your "cause". You need to present your situation in a dignified manner, detailing dates, etc. Stay calm, cool, and collected, and that will get you alot further than exploding will.

__________________
Michael W. Smith in North-West Pennsylvania

"Everything happens for a reason."

Sherry,
I also have a child with apraxia. My son's main issue is speech. He had some fine motor skill issues when he was younger, but worked through those in short time. He is 14 now and had 9 years of speech therapy. We were lucky in that all of the school staff was very supportive when he was in grade school. He is in junior high now and his speech issues are minor compared to what they were. He still occasionally gropes for words and mispronounces things, but nothing like he used to. He also has trouble with some sounds and combinations. The kids in his class were always so nice to him and could seem to understand him. It was amazing to me how those kids could figure out what he was saying when to most people it just sounded like a jumble of noises. It sounds like your daughter's apraxia is more involved than my son's, but hang in there. It does improve--slowly and with lots of hard work--but it does.

It sounds to me like you did the right thing. Adults should not ridicule children...period. Your daughter has enough to handle without the ridicule of others.

Just a question--will she speak to people willingly? My son, even now, has an issue with shyness because of his speech. He knew he sounded different when he was young and wouldn't speak to people he didn't know. He is a bit better now, but I can tell it still bothers him to speak sometimes.

Best wishes to you and your daughter!!
Colleen

Pony,

It is the parents responsibility to watch their child's diet. The food supply in the house needs to be under lock and key if necessary. Do you leave a dozen bottles of whisky within easy reach of an alcoholic? You need to take time to think before you shoot the messenger...

RF

__________________
It's not good enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required. - Winston Churchill

Ahh bless her heart.

What is her long term prognosis? Will she ever be able to speak clearly and/or walk? Pardon my ignorance of the condition(s).

I would be really concerned that she's being bullied at school. Can/will she tell you, if so? She could be permanently damaged by people's cruelty without you even knowing what's going on.

Tell her how beautiful she is inside and out. She doesn't have to be perfect, thin or normal functioning to be beautiful.

Rocky, I have heard stories about such kids. I have heard how well-meaning people at school and at friends houses give the kids extra food, and they WON'T refuse it.

Unless I knew more details-and I do not- I am going to assume that the parents are working on it, trying to educate the people around her not to sneak her extra food, and not to just ASSUME there is a problem that her parents are not jumping through hoops to resolve. For all we know, the food in the house *is* under lock and key!

Terri,

Funny, I left you some good info on your son's ADHD problem in the thread you started a few days ago and I heard nothing back. Now that I'm addressing Pony, you're all full of talk and answering for her...

RF

__________________
It's not good enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required. - Winston Churchill

I always have a hard time confronting people.
Its not easy and I know it took a lot for you to do so. I always worry about making waves and am not sure how to proceed. Then I get mad and end up saying the wrong things.
You were WAY right. I commend you for dealing with the problem.

__________________
Mutton and Chocolate! YUMMMMMMMM!

Sherry, isn't it amazing how many people think they can laugh at you and make derisive remarks WHEN YOU'RE STANDING RIGHT THERE, and think you don't catch on??? Shame on those two people. Saying a prayer for your dear daughter and you.

colleen, no she is shy around strangers, and if someone she doesn't know comes to the house, she goes into another room. Sometimes she'll say 'hi' but then, after gauging their reaction to her, she will dissappear.
She has improved over theyears, from no speech or noise, except for screaming in frustration as a small kid, to vocalizing, pronounces some words . She has made improvements over the years. As far as 'normal' speech. Not gonna happen.

You are correct, and I apologize! I got side tracked and I have not yet been to that website!

I have my own staff story to tell, I am afraid, though it is a less destressing one!

I found out my son was missing several assignments in Social Studies: assignments that I had never heard about. I suspect that they are related with him being sick for several days a week or so ago.

The thing is, when he returned to school I had sent his teacher an E-mail about his make-up work, and she had not mentioned these missing assignments even though I had asked her about make-up work. The dates would be roughly right.

So, I e-mailed her yesterday, listing the assignments and asking if he had not turned them in?

She has not answered.

So, I will call her today before school.

Sigh. Advocating for my child time!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will get to that website: I just have to prepare stew with the remains of his teacher, all while remaining polite and appropriate so I do not make more trouble for us!!!!!!!!!

HI Sherri;
I am the mother of a developmentally disabled daughter. I have been where you are and I APPLAUD you for speaking to the principal. You have to advocate for your daughter and keep on making her the priority and NOT be concerned that other people are offended or angered. You are her voice and the guardian of her dignity and you are responsible for making sure that her rights are NOT violated and attending public school, inclusion, and being treated with respect are her RIGHTS!
Stand tall and hang tough!
tamilee

I did this last year and pulled my daughter out that day.
She had been bullied for being the "new" kid (4th grade, new school) and after 4 recorded bullied events and no principal help the bullying got worse. The last straw was when my daughter called me and said she got beat up.
Once I got to the school she wasn't "beat up" but a girl did hold my dd down in the snow and wouldn't let her up. DD later that day did have brusies on her wrists and thigh.
Principal said he hasn't had any problems till dd got there. (LIE)
I coulldn't call 911 because dd didn't have the brusies at this time. They came about 1/2 hour later after we left the school.
Principal proceeded to tell me how dd probably asked for it and he has been a principal for over 40 years and knows kids and yada yada yada.
As soon as I got home I called the Superintendant and told her the whole story.

Needless to say this principal "retired" at the end of that year.

WE are now back in original school district where dd was up until 4th grade.

So GO TO THE SUPERINTENDENT if you must to get justice done.

I do not wish to hijack the thread: just a mini update.

I got the missing assignments, and I will no longer e-mail this teacher. I will call her instead.

Sigh