was I wrong? am I guilty?

What age is your daughter, and what town do you live in? We are in Warren, Maine and homeschool but have foster children that the state makes us send to public school. We have family that are teachers in public schools. I was just interested to hear more about your daughter, not necessarily just the problems. What are her strengths, weaknesses, and how does she react with other kids, including your own?

Mark

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Mark and Sara Cowperthwaite
Nathaniel, Virginia, Naomi, Samuel, and Josiah

<<< That's for Sherry and Morriscorner.

Sherry - Always stand up for your daughter. If you are ever mistaken in your conclusions...by all means admit your conclusions were wrong BUT NEVER is standing up for your daughter

Hugs,
Marlene

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It is the one with persistence and determination that brings great ideas into being.

my conclusions wer not wrong. I do admit when I'm wrong. It wasn't 'sheesh I've been there before' it was 'what the h*ll is that? hee hee hee'
The first day I went to school with my kid, it was the same or a similar reaction from the same person. As I said, I knew then that it was a completely different atmosphere than grade school. I never pay her any mind, and have always been courteous to her when we do business. I dont care what she thinks, I do care how she behaves if it concerns my kid. I am not oversensitive. I have lived with my special needs dd for many years, and know what is 'real' or 'enough to get bothered about' and what to dismiss. If I looked cross eyed at every moron that went past us, I'd be too busy to live.
(no, not all folks are bad behaving, but you know what I mean.)
thank you all, especially the ones who know where I'm coming from.

Mark, I'll email you later, and tell you a little more about my kid.
Sherry

Hey.

That's life in a small town. Take a large male father figure with you next time and there will be no problems.

You said "Another 'issue' is compulsive eating, so she's obese. I realize that to many who see her, she's a big joke, not a human being, I guess."

What an awful thing to say in print. Your job is to get her physically fit. I think it's time you came around to a new way of thinking...

RF

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It's not good enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required. - Winston Churchill

I seem to need help in my presentation Sherry, I was trying to tell you that you are doing a great job -- you love and support for your daughter is awesome...guess I should have just left out that part that "IF" you ever decide you were wrong -- you certainly weren't in the example you shared.

Hugs,
Marlene

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It is the one with persistence and determination that brings great ideas into being.

Hey Rocky Fields, dont tread where you dont know anything! She has numerous physical disabilities,, and yes I am involved in her physical fitness. I am physically fit, my hub is, my other children. You dont know what her issues are. you dont know how it has impacted her. Dont lecture me about things you dont know about. Thanks for your concern, anyway.
Sherry

if anyone else wants to attack me on something they know nothing about, please keep it to your self. I asked for some opinions about something; the worst thing you can do is bring up something I have battled for a good long time, and can do nothing about. Some people cant be physically fit, at least how you are thinking.

sherry - good for being there for your daughter.

I have another friend on line with a daughter that has that disease that makes her want to eat everything without self control, sounds similar to your description of your daughters' food issue. Must be difficult for you as a family.

And, I think you showed very good restraint in not taking those two females (not ladies) down a peg right then and there. I've been a relatively relaxed Mom, UNTIL you mess with my girls - then I can become a bear.

Angie

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"Live your life, and forget your age." Norman Vincent Peale

Sherry

I can only imagine how hard it is to deal with people being ignorant in public.

I just wanted to shed some light, at least on me. I grew up around special needs kids, made friends with them. Have worked with a lot of differently abled folks.

I have always wondered about staring. I can see how some folks, even adults stare at differences in public. They don't even try to hide those nasty looks on their faces.

I look too. Not for the typical reasons. Not being curious or nosy. I like to establish eye contact and smile, maybe even communicate a little. I have a way with differently abled people so I go out of my way to show them acceptance and respect.

Sadly some parents seem so frazzled already or protective by trying not to let their child "bother" me.

I'm always afraid someone will take it the wrong way. Never sure if a parent would read that wrong or insincere.

If I saw your daughter at the store and she was singing I would probably make small talk, something like "that is a pretty bow in your hair" etc.

Can I have your honest opinion about that? I would really hate to make folks feel more uncomfortable than they already do.

Sherry your doing the right thing. You should have went to the superintendent over the board of education when he said you were a liar.

Yes, you should have talked with the principal. Also, you should have taken it higher up.

It may have been because of your child's disabilities, but it just may be she is nasty person. The secretary in my daughter's school was just nasty to a lot of the kids, unless they had connections she thought would help her. We crossed swords over children, not just mine, many times. The strangest thing, she's retired, our granddaughters are in an organization together and she is so sweet to my grandchild - and to me when we meet - who knew.

It's pretty cheeky of me to even try to give advice to someone who is evidently doing a great job with a challenging situation.

She is probably just a nasty person - as someone else said, she should not be nasty to anyone.

Hi, no I dont mind when people stop and speak with her. I and she both like it. It's good practice for socialization. Correct, look me in the eye, or her, and speak. Good! Stand off to the side, roll your eyes and snicker, bad.
Yes, life with a compulsive eater has been awfully hard! She has numerous physical issues that keep her from really being 'physically fit' the way we think of athletes, etc. She loves swimming and horseback riding. She goes to one or other couple times a week, depending on the season. Any more than that would be too expensive and too time consuming because it's about an hour one way. Walking is out, so is running. She lacks motor sklls and balance and judging the space around her. She's accomplished alot in her time on earth.
Sherry

My concern is, if they're like that when you're standing there with her, goodness only knows what they're like when no parents are around!

In fact I'm willing to bet that this is so much the norm around there that it's getting hard to remember to cover it up.

I'd be livid.

Stand up for her with all you've got. You handled it much better than I would have. I'd be on parole about now.

Pauline

I have heard teachers, secretaries, etc., talk very ugly about children.

In fact, one teacher came to us to tell us of some nasty things two teachers were saying about our son.

He was new in the district and two teachers, which we had had some discussions with, cornered him in the teacher's lounge and proceeded to ask him if he liked our son. He said so far he seemed like a nice kid - 'We can't stand him!'.

This upset the new teacher as he didn't think teachers should be talking that way even among themselves - but especially to try to influence a new teacher.

Since I've had to deal with disabilities all my life, I'll remark how to handle people.

If someone stares at me, I smile at them! Usually they are just curious, especially children. If a child asks why I'm using my electric scooter, I tell that sometimes walking makes me tired. They don't need a lengthy answer.

I had a woman once come up to me and tell me "Oh my goodness, you're lame!". I answered, "And you're ignorant!". It didn't help but I was not in the most diplomatic mood!

If I see someone with a disability, I give them a smile and maybe a little wave, especially children because I know what their lives are like. Just don't "talk down" to them,please. That made me want to bite ankles when I was a child.

Rocky fields, I had to simmer down after reading your post. Just for one day, I'd like a person with your opinion to be in a handicapped persons shoes or braces or wheelchair and see about getting fit.

I have not had a disability, at least it hasn't been for me, but a 'difference' since I was 5.

I have realized over the years that many people look, not out of meanness, just curiosity. Something out of the ordinary catches people's eye - it just does.

I'm too old now, but what used to bother me the most were the mothers who would whisper, 'Oh, honey, don't stare.' As if somehow looking upon this would mark them for life. Children stare,they wonder. If someone is always saying 'don't stare', it seems to me it would make them think there truly is something wrong there - rather just something different. Sometimes I realize they are trying to do the right thing and it's hard to know the right thing.

Once a little girl was staring at me in a restaurant, the mother was being so 'kind' and saying 'don't stare', etc. I motioned the little girl over, asked her if she had any questions and boy, did she. I answered her questions. We laughed and we hugged and she went back to her table.

If she treats you and your dd like this, I'm sure she is doing this with others. When you stand up for your family, you are also standing up for other families. This is a politically charged situation, which is why the principal wrote you a nice note afterwards- to cool you down. I'm sure he spoke to the secretary. He doesn't want this going over his head. If such a thing happens again, go to the principal. Try not to be angry when you do this. If it happens a third time, go to the Board of Education, they probably meet once a month. Have everything in writing.

Yikes!!! How awful! Unbelievable that they acted like that, period, let alone right in front of you and your daughter.

I feel better knowing that, had you come to my office and your daughter was acting unhappy about being there or whatever, and if someone said something just to be conversational that it would not be taken the wrong way.

On a related note, we had a family friend who had some kind of fascination with anyone different. At parks and such, she would point out anyone who may have been missing a limb, or had an electronic voice or anything like that. Time and time again she would absolutely mortify me, pointing somewhere so that everyone would turn and look, and saying something like "look, that man has no leg." She did NOT whisper and never realized how loud her voice was. I would kind of shield my eyes and look embarrassed - she was my elder and I was young and never came out and said anything, but at least maybe the person in question would see that I wasn't going along with this. But if I was mortified, I can just imagine the reaction of the poor person trying to ignore it.

Thing is, the family friend didn't and doesn't have a mean bone in her body, she was genuinely curious and shared that curiousity with those around her. After pointing out the man without a leg she would continue, can you imagine, must be hard getting around, etc. Not sure how often the person in question could make out the rest of it but I was darn sure they could hear themselves being pointed out. Even if she was sympathetic it was still rude to act like she's never seen a person with a disability before, and she would do this time and time again. I thought staring was something one learned not to do when they are young, whether someone has a disability, is a different color, wears different clothes, etc. Geez even if I saw someone with no arms and no legs I don't think I'd feel the need to point him out to anyone.

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Wise enough to know I'll never be wise enough to know it all

I've had all four of my kids ask me questions (in a too loud voice of course) when they were small about someone we'd see with a limb missing or riding an electric scooter, or otherwise disabled. It's embarrassing because we've been taught not to make comments on people's appearances. But I also want my kids to understand that God made us all the same on the inside. Just some of us have a harder time than others with walking, seeing, etc.

So I briefly say something like "she has a hard time walking and her scooter helps her get her groceries" or 'he uses that oxygen tank to help him breathe better" and smile at the person. It helped a lot when we volunteered at the local nursing home....the kids got to see people with many different disabilities, and now it's not even comment-worthy.

The funniest comment I ever heard was when I was walking with a cane! A little boy said to his mother, "Oh look at the fat lady with the stick!". The poor mother almost crawled into the Tide display!

I told her that if that was the worst thing he ever says, he's doing okay!

Rocky Fields, there is a type of compulsive eating over which the individual has no control. The person becomes single-minded of purpose when it comes to acquiring food, and those who live with him/her have to be incredibly diligent in helping the person with the compulsion to control the food intake. The person's brain doesn't tell him/her that the stomach if full.

This is not the same as someone who eats compulsively to cover up hurts or emotional wounds. It's an organic disorder. I can't remember the name of it off-hand (it's been a couple years since I've worked with that population), but it's real. Not everyone who is overweight has the capacity for self-control or good health that your statements imply you seem to enjoy.

Now you know something new, and will perhaps look a little harder at context before you pronounce judgment.

Pony!