Very disappointed

I know this. In my first marriage my ex-husband had 2 affairs. I was 19 at the time. We had a new baby (dd 16) and I was devastated. To this day, and I am happily married now, I deal with insecurity. I begged him for us not to divorce, I didn't want my dd to grow up without her daddy. He did anyway. 6 months after the divorce he wanted back together. I don't know of anything, other than physical and mental abuse, that hurts as much. The feelings of betrayal and worthlessness. I really feel for the other 2 spouses in this and especially for the children. Children suffer so much when these things happen. I will be praying.

I didn't get much sleep last night. I tried to call her last night, but she must be screening her calls as she didn't answer. A few years ago the same thing happened to my brother. He found out his wife was screwing around & ended up divorced. During the whole thing my cousin went on & on about how can people do that to thir families, etc. & then she now turns around & does the exact same thing.

People make their own happiness. You can get up in the morning & choose to be happy or miserable. I choose to be happy each & every day. I could be miserable & sit & think of how we have no money, the house needs work, the truck is falling apart, etc. Instead I thank God for what I do have. I chose to spend the day in a happy mood. I hate when people use the excuse that they just aren't happy. Well get a happy hobby then!!

If she had left her husband & then found another partner, I would not have had as much of a problem with it. I do not & can not approve of the sneaking around & lying that people do when having an affair. I am not going to be able to ever talk with her the way I did. How can I trust what she says or does with me if she screwed her spouse? I am tired of people not taking their vows seriously.

I also have many male friends & can sit for hours talking with them, but I would never dream of cheating on my husband. If I need to talk about something serious, it is him I go to. I thank God each & every day for the husband I have. I could never hurt him or my kids in that way.

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I can't believe I deleted it!

It will get better, I promise.

Please take a deep breath and stop judging her and the man. That's between them and God. Perhaps, it's your own pain that is hurting you much more than you realize. Put that aside for now and think about how you can help the others involved in this mess.

Ok I will come clean and tell my story. I was working with a woman and she would always get so mad at me because my husband every other day or so would bring me in a bouquet of stupid flowers. Everyone there esp. her thought I was being a real you know what when I told him to quit bringing me those so and so flowers I dont want them!!! Controlling, drunk, and abuseive. Then he would feel bad and think it was going to solve everything what a jerk!!!
Ok I met this womans hubby she wanted me to know he NEVER did nice stuff like that and what a jerk he was. Ok I met him no big deal.
They had been married 18 years and she had cheated numerous times with his brother (GROSS) and who know who else. She kept asking questions about my hubby saying how nice he was and she wished her hubby was so nice.
Well one day her hubby came into the store and our eyes met but this time it was different. I never felt like that before I thought this guy was my prince in shining armour but of course he was married so hands off!! I truly believed that at the time.
I was tired of the abuse,from my hubby drunkin fights, holding me hostage in my own room I could not even go to the bathroom by my self he was always there getting groceries he was there and if some guy even looked at me he want to start a fight. I had had it!!! We had been married not even a year. I knew going into this marrage was a mistake but when those type of people have a hold of you you just do it becasue the alternative was worse.
Well like I said my co workers hubby and my eyes met there was something there we both felt it. He came back to my work at the end of my shift and we talked, we told each othere about the way our lives are and how we wished they would have been.
He was going to get a divorce he had enough of her I told him she doen't seem to care about your marriage I never heard nothing but bad thing come out of her mouth about him.
We chatted online for a few months and descovered we had a LOT in common things people would not understand but we did. We had become friends.
Now my hubby was not computer savy so we could chat all night long and no one was the wiser.
Then.....we went too far we kissed. His marriage was over and mine really never was one. Yes it was wrong but it was so right. No one in either marriage was raelly happy his wife was still complaining about the flowers and she wished her hubby would do that.
Ok now heres the strangist thing ever after two VERY angry messy divorces
I married my knight in shining armour and now she gets flowers.....yup we swaped LOL we dont speek to them and the poor children involved seemed to be happier now that all the parents are happy.
I have found happiness I never knew excisted even the son from their break up comes over and tells us he is glad to see his dad is finally happy he knew the marriage was not a good one.
I had many long talks with the son about me being the one who broke up his family. I told him the marriage was already gone now your parents are happy and content.The son brings his kids over on weekends to chase the chickens and have a BBQ with us. We tease each other and hug and sit by each other ...I would say this between us is very nice. He knows dad is happy and thats all he wants.
For the life of me I don't know wht she is so happy with my ex. I am sure she feels the same way. so I guess it was a fair trade LOL
What a story to tell folks huh!!! My mom still is just mortified what we did but she can tell this man is the right one for me. We have been happily married now for 5 years we still have yet to have our first fight...by now I dont think it will happen.
So sometimes cheating, sneaking around, can work out for the better. Even tho most times not. Its still wrong but sometimes it right.
Our home is a happy home and all the kids from these marriages do get along and I just feel like its all good. Everyone is happy.
Seems our ex.s are too they got married LOL the son says that he doesn't like the new hubby tho he drinks too much and is always yelling and carring on.....I warned her what a jsrk he was but she didn't listen I wished she wouls have. i bet she gets those flowers all the time now. She got her wish.
Ok nobody be hatin me for what I have done. I am not proud of it it just happened we will be together forever!!

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You Know You Need More!!!
Crashy

"Affairs are the actions of selfish people."

Then they expect you to accept the new guy as though nothing has happened. I agree that they need to split from one man before hitting on another. If they do it that way at least it gives everyone time to adjust and seems more fair to all involved. My mother's best friend left her hubby (almost 70 years ago) for another and no one in that small town ever forgot. Most always referred to her by her first married name (as she had 2 kids with that name). I wouldn't be surprised if they had put the first name on her tombstone!

Love is like the chirstian trinity

It's not just one thing, it's a part of three things. If one of those things is missing it is not really love.

To have love you must have:

A lovee - the person being loved (in Christainty this is Jesus)
A lover - the person doing the loving (God)
The feeling/ action of love (the spirit)

If one of those things isn't working out, then it all doesn't work out. I don't advocate adultry, but I also don't go waving my stick and I too am far from perfect. I might not have broken marriage vows, but I have broken my word before.

Well, I tried to call her twice today & finally left her a message to call me. I told her I really wanted to talk to her & help her if I can. If there is any possible way for this to work out I will try my best to help her. I know she has had problems in her marriage. If they want to try to make it work they are both going to have to work on it & I am not sure either of them will go the distance needed. I hope & pray they do. They have been married 16 years.

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I can't believe I deleted it!

Wendy,

My heart goes out to you. I totally understand. I would not be able to look that person in the eye. And I certainly could not pretend in front of the unknowing spouses that everything was normal!

Sorry for the bad news, it does shake your faith in humanity!

Pat

I admire you so much for your strength. Many blessings.

I haven't posted on this site or even read here much in the past 15 months. My Husband had an affair and our life has changed significatley. We sold our goat heard, got rid of the few head of cattle we had and got out of farming/homsteading all together.

All I can say is it happened to us, and every thing in life has changed, some of it needed and some of it not.

There are as many different reasons for affairs as there are people. Thanks to windingherhair for posting about marriage builders , it was like a life line to me in the beginning. We are recovering, but it isn't easy. Another helpful web site is survivinginfidelity.com.

I hope you do some reading before you talk to your cousin, try the wayward forum and the healing library at SI. It will help you understand, the understandable.

Gwendolyn

Wendy, as angry and disappointed as you currently are with your cousin, your love for her is still shining though. And it sounds like you are still going to be there for her when she needs you.

Hugs,
Marlene

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It is the one with persistence and determination that brings great ideas into being.

No matter what's going on behind closed doors or any other place cheating isn't the answer.

Yes adultery has always been common...........but it's never been right.

Crashy- it was very brave of you to post your story. I am glad that you and your pprince found happiness.