Teenagers and alcohol

If you can vote and go to war then I say you can have a beer. In Germany kids can go right up to the bar at 16 and get a beer and I think that it should be that way here. They also have strict drinking and driving laws. I do not usually side with Europeans on most issues, but in this case they have it right and our system is screwed up.

My daughter is 17 and I have had custody of her since she was little. I told her that if she wants to have a beer with me at home that I am fine with it. I told her that I would rather her have a beer with me than to sneak out and try it with other kids. She seems to have no interest in it at all. First off, I have taken the forbidden mystery out of it and secondly, her mother is an alchie and she has seen first-hand the consequences of her actions.

I also think alcoholism and how we handle alcohol is largely hereditary. I told my daughter if she has inherited her mother's lack of ability to metabolise alcohol, she should not drink at all. Hopefully she takes after my side of the family in this regard. Her mom can drink two beers and and starts speaking in a slurred brogue and gets really belligerent.

Perhaps I can see keeping kids away from hard liquor, but no beer till 21?? That is draconic, puritanical and ridiculous.

__________________
-Paul

"If women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy." -Red Green

Dh isn't American. He's from Turkey, so you could say he's Middle Eastern or you could say he's European. As opposed to the pp, I pretty much (we pretty much) agree with Europe on just about EVERYTHING. They don't really drink in his family, and my family are teetotalers. His family allow the teens to drink wine on special occasions. He and I drank a lot more before having dd and now, we drink on occasion when it's special. Alcohol is legal just about everywhere else in the world at the age of 16. Ironically, driving is legal at the age of 18. I've always liked the idea that it is legal to drink before you were legal to drive because kids get to learn about alcohol before they are given a 2-ton killing machine. I also have issues with kids being able to go into the military and die for their country before they are legally able to enjoy alcohol. Like every other part of parenting and teaching responsibility, I don't see any problem with giving a teen watered-down wine with their meal to teach them that it's a beverage like any other. I wouldn't want my teen to down 3 sodas in a row and I wouldn't want her to down 3 beers in a row. As with anything other lesson in life, it's my job as a parent to teach her about drinking responsibly .

My parents went the second route. We were allowed to experiment with alcohol at home. Drinking was never a taboo issue. My parents even made sure that when we hit our teenage years that they gave us our first hangover. Complete with a bright and early wake up the next morning and lots of demanding chores usually involving loud yard equipment and no sympathy.

I must say, it made quite an impression.

They also maintained a policy of, if you EVER need a ride home call. No questions, no lectures. They still have this rule. I went home last month to visit with my family and me and my siblings went out for a night on the town together. We are all grown adults of legal drinking age. And Mom and Dad still pulled the "call us if you need a ride home". We are all in our 30's and 20's.

None of us ever drove drunk. No one ever developed a drinkiing problem It worked for us. I plan on using the same approach with my son.

Nikki

I suspect that the development of an alcohol problem, along with being hereditary, is also caused more by emotional issues than by simply having alcohol around. Same with drugs. I mean, most cocaine addicts probably didn't grow up with parents who thought using coke was "no big deal," right?

You're going to find teens who abuse alcohol among strict no-alcohol parents just as well as among parents who drink socially and let their kids have a taste. The real barometer is the teen's emotional health and how strong he or she is when it comes to saying no to peers and self-destructive behavior.

my best friend goes with #2 but she spikes the drink with syrup of ipecac

Her chlidren dont drink.

In my family, everyone who drinks are alcoholics so I talk to my children about the family disease and how it is best if we avoid it like we avoid other allergins.

I agree!

With my relatives, there was a lot of drinking of alcohol and it was a social thing. Out here it is too. Being offered a beer when a group of people are done with a chore is social. It's not an invitation to get drunk and stupid. I've seen young people with their parents standing around at get togethers, having a beer. It's like no big deal. I see very few people who are drunk, but I also know a few alcoholics.

Realize that some people become alcoholics with the very first sip. It's something about how their body metabulizes(can't spell today!) alcohol. I had a cousin like that. A hopeless alcoholic untill he died very young.

In France, kids are allowed to drink wine at any age. While they do have their share of alcoholic adults, the young adults find no reason to binge drink.

I have no kids. But I think the best way to handle it is to let kids have a taste--a teaspoon--when they first ask (usually in grade school), with the admonishment, 'here, just a taste, you probably won't like it'. Chances are they'll make up a 'lemon-face' and not be interested again until several years later. That way there's no mystery, and no 'prestige' from being 'adult' by drinking it.

I think adults can also help by (in front of the kids) treating it like any other beverage in the sense that on occasion when asked 'honey do you want a glass of wine' the response should be 'how about a root beer instead?' Demonstrate that it is okay to refuse alcohol when it is offered.

If parents talk about, model and support the notion that it is important to make wise decisions about how you care for yourself and your future their kids don't usually miss the message. I did an intership once in a juvenile court. On one occassion we were dealing with a 10 year old that had been caught stealing cigarettes. The mom said, "I keep telling him not to smoke, but he never listens to me, so what can I do?" Meanwhile she reeked of smoke so bad I could barely breathe.

My folks didn't sit us down and do big lectures. They simply took the opportunities to comment on people we knew or stories in the news. Same with sex - never talked about it directly. But they would comment on how said it was when some teenager "messed up their future" by having a child out of wedlock. Making something of yourself was a big theme in my family. Not too surprising as my dad had to drop out of highschool to care for the family farm. He didn't finish until his 20's and went on to college after I was born.

As for being old enough to go to war but not to drink - the last I knew active duty military could drink beer on base at age 18, and could drink anything starting at age 21.