I really just cant believe it..

As the mother of a very difficult 25-year-old son who has Bipolar Disorder, I have to agree with every single word WIHH said here.

__________________
I'm running so far behind I thought I was first!

http://hickahala.blogspot.com/

I have a relative that won't kick her daughter out.

She helped over the years "just for now" and "until she gets herself back on her feet" and now the daughter is 51, has been living with her mom for the past 3 years or so, can't/won't hold a job. The mom still wont' kick her out because she worries that the daughter will end up cold and hungry and homeless and maybe dead.

The mom is right - if she kicks the daughter out , the daughter probably would end up dead.

I would have kicked that daughter out long ago, but my relative has chosen not to. Everyone has to figure out their own limits, then set them, and adhere to them.

I feel for you. That is a horrible place to be. You don't want to enable your child's behavior, yet you want to do all you can reasonably do for them. It's hard to know where one ends and the other begins.

__________________
Our homestead-in-the-making: Palazzo Rospo
Eating the dream

You have to have decent credit to be bonded. You have to be bonded for a business to allow you in a position where you are either handling money or other people's credit (credit cards, ordering department, whatever). If a business employs an unbonded employee, and that employee defrauds the business, or one of the businesses clients, their insurance doesn't have to cover them for the loss or for any losses through civil action, if they have that kind of insurance.

It is a business' way of covering their butt so that if something SHOULD happen, they won't find themselves OUT of business and the owner's being personally liable. One bad, unbonded employee can ruin not only a business, but the lives of the owners and other employees.

__________________
Ignorance is the true enemy.

I've seen the village, and I don't want it raising my children.

www.newcenturyhomestead.com

Like many have said, you need to have some ground rules. I would tell her that if she wishes to stay with you she must keep a job and pay her bills. If she can not take care of the basics of life, she must go. She is more than old enough to take care of these things.

Heather

Thanks for all the comments. No booting her out is not an option.
I dont think illegal drugs are a problems, but I do think drinking is a problem.
I think one of the main reasons she doesnt come home at night is that she goes drinking with her friends, and she is smart enough not to drink and drive, so she stays over. Hubby has found many/read all/of any achohol he had in the house is either gone, down to a teaspoon full or watered down.

I think one of her big problems is she has no idea how to handle her $$. She was making enough to pay her bills, at least most of them even when working as a waitress. It is just she wastes her $$ by doing stupid things.

We are about 35 minutes from anywhere, she will go into town once to get shampoo, then a few hours later to go to KFC cause she wants some chicken, and then goes to work, and then goes out late because she doesnt want to eat where she works so now she wants Taco Bell. This is a normal occurance.

So she goes through a tank of gas in about 1 or 2 days. She just wastes the $$ that she is making and not using it for the right things. I have mentioned to hubby that I could sit her down draw out a budget, where her bills would get paid, and give her an allowance. No he thinks she should work it out herself.....

Just frustrating!!!

Alice in Virginia

Oh and I suggested that when she applies for a job that she ask if the job is credit score driven. And if it is , tell them upfront, that way they will know, not waste time, and if they like her thye can make a decision with all the info. She does have a very good resume, lots of expertise in her field, and great references.

__________________
There is nothing any worse than an angry little old lady, they've had a lifetime to learn all the dirty tricks and people get upset if you hit them!

My dh hires all the time - people with bad credit are a greater theft risk - show signs of little control in their lives and are more undependable. A trick question he ALWAYS asks - "What makes you happiest?"

Have you thought about taking your daughter to a DR? She could be terribley depressed and UNABLE to cope with her life right now. I hate to suggest pills as a catch all - fix it, but really, sometimes people just need a boost to get over the hill and then they pick up and do fine by themselves. It seems she has taken a beating lately by life.

My best wishes to you both

Debt collectors are insane- I had some call lookin for a NEIGBOR- like it was my responsibility to help them- they actually were beligerant for a minute- then I told em what would happen if they bothered me again like that. I could not believe it. I also had it happen when a friend moved in for "a few weeks till she got a place" untill she "left" then the collectors were callin - they have a hard time understanding it was not my issue and I would take them to court if they harrassed me about someone elses debt. When dad was livin with me I told him he needed a P.O.box and a phone of his own and that he was NOT TO USE my phone or address for anything! He used it for somethin or another and I had to remind him it was unnacceptable to me PERIOD... he was intimidated by some agency that wanted an address and thought he had to give it. I find that solution to work the best- A p.o box and thier own cell or no go.

Good luck with your daughter- I am guessin yer gonna need it!

Less than four months ago, a man she had lived with for four years and planned to marry died suddenly. After this abnormally long period of grief -during which time her loving family has told her to stand on her feet, get a job, toughen up, snap out of it - she still seems to have no ambition or plans for her future. She can't get it together.

Any of you ever had a spouse die? Even though they had not yet legally married, I'm thinking you could say this man was her husband. She planned on spending her life with him. Think of all the plans they made together just gone. Poof!

Yeah, sure, kick her out on the street and show her a little tough love.

Businesses don't want to have their phones and employees tied up by debt collectors. And they don't want to deal with the time and paperwork involved in wage assesments and garnishments either.

All I know is that if this were my DD, I would try to get her some professional help. Sounds like she needs it...

__________________
suz

They check your credit to see what kind of person you are. Paying in a timely manner means to them that you are a responsible person. That is why it is SO important that if you can't make a full payment that you send what you can and a note saying you'll pay extra when you can to get caught up. They can't do anything bad to you if you act in good faith towards your financial responsiblity and send $$ as agreed in your contract for services - ie phone bill, medical bill, student loan, car payment etc...

__________________
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do.

Personally I think she needs an Antidepressant and counseling. Medication then therapy and if she doesn't get them then start charging her rent and change your phone number.

Caren

True, because the "alcohol and all-night partying" method of medication and therapy doesn't seem to be helping her to get back on her feet. And it is all about getting her back on her feet, right?

Me, if she didn't start helping herself, I'd go farther than rent and changed phone number, I'd change the locks and put her stuff outside. But then, I don't have kids and boy am I grateful for it.

To help the employers know if the person they are hiring is responsible, trustworthly, ethical and will be an asset not a liability to their company. Just ask yourself if you would want your bank to hire someone who is irresponsible with money to handle yours and you'll get your answer

And Alice, I know exactly what you and the daughter or going to do if she losses that job -- the same thing you have been doing since she moved in with you. I can post 6-8 threads you started on this topic as proof if you wish

Hugs
Marlene

__________________
It is the one with persistence and determination that brings great ideas into being.

There's your answer Alice, pack her up and sent her to Calico Katie

M

__________________
It is the one with persistence and determination that brings great ideas into being.

The way I see it, Alice isn't going to do anything about it and Daddy is an enabler.

What I would do is, if it were my DH and stepdaughter, I'd give him a choice----either get the young woman help OR get a new wife.

Actually I have only had 4 threads since December. I didnt realize we had a limit. As I said this time and have said before kicking her out is not an option. I have also said she is on medication and refuses to go to counseling, and there is no insurance to pay for it anyway. I looked into free counseling, after they quit laughing I was told there is no free counseling.

So as not to go over my limit I will not start any posts here on CF. Does this limit pertain to the other forums?? Can I still post on Goats, Pets etc???

Just dont want to break any rules..............

Alice in Virginia

__________________
There is nothing any worse than an angry little old lady, they've had a lifetime to learn all the dirty tricks and people get upset if you hit them!

Forum members have no right to tell another member to quit posting. I have seen this type of posting several times in the last couple of weeks...

I cant wait until everyone can get out in thier gardens again....

That's too bad, because it sounds like she has absolutely no compunction about using y'all up.

Alice - no one wants you to stop posting. I think folks are concerned for YOU because this has been going on for a while and nothing has changed. It's got to be extremely stressful for you. I hope you find some resolution soon!

__________________
"Never stop questioning - curiosity has its own reason for existence." Albert Einstein

"I used to be a terror, now I am a tired man" Jim Croce