I would like to talk...
 

I'm just in one of those moods, where the words may flow faster than my brain can filter them so bear with me.

We went grocery shopping this morning, nothing to terrible exciting just that deep feeling of pain I get when the friendly lady tells me my total. Briefly my brain runs through the possibility that she added all the person in front of me's groceries to my bill. But nope, it's just mine. Dern.

My dd wanted to go to the Panera Bread for lunch today. That suited me just fine as they have alot of organic items and the kids menu is entirely organic. While eating I realized just how horribly out of place we were. I had on a western shirt and 20x jeans and Ariat ropers. Those around me had on business suits or cutesy patootsy low ride jeans and shirts that I think would have said 6-9 months if you could have peeled it away to see the tag. They sat and ate their organic foods in throw away containers, checking thier acrylic nails in between bites. Thier highlights reminded me of skunks on parade. Everyone had the same stripes on thier heads, kinda spooky... Oh well, it's ok to be different.

We had to go the feed store after lunch. Alas, I have found where I fit in. I stood at the counter leaning against it like the ole pros. I am one of them, they know my name tease me about my dh and ask me what I need. I carefully look over the board, gripe to them in good humor about the price of corn. Then proceed to buy more than I should. I stand for a couple more minutes talking about the nasty weather we have been having and then walk off with my traditional big wave and a see ya later.

Getting the feed I stay in the vehicle while I wait for them to realize I'm at the dock. There comes my one armed buddy. I like his friendly disposition, he has only one arm and a prostethesis. I sat their thinking about all the people who grump and gripe that they can't go to work cause they don't feel good and then he lugs feed bags around all day with one working arm. He has a system that works for him, one that you can tell took years to perfect. He is my feed store hero.

Now it's off to the tire store to buy dog food. They sell PZAZZ. It's supposed to give your dogs non stinky poo. They lie. I chat for a minute with him. He accepts me too, I'm a good ole boy, just trapped in a female body.

Off again to the hair cutting shop. I need a trim desperatly, haven't had one in 7 months. Becky can get us in and I'm happy. We hurry home and unload groceries and hurry back up to the hair shop. I'm comfortable talking to Becky and then others begin filtering in. I'm no longer comfortable. The presence of fixy people makes me uneasy. I don't treat them rudely, I just have nothing to contribute when they talk about thier manacures and all of their shows they watch.

Home again...clean clean clean....fix supper. Discover that our neighbors daughters have been stealing from us. Just little things and saying our daughters gave it to them. Their parents bring them here to appologize and I told them that they had really hurt my feelings by taking from us. It was true, these were the little girls I held on my lap when their brother was stillborn and let them cry when thier mom couldn't do it. And now they have stolen from us. The oldest got very teary eyed when I told her that and so did I. She knew she had done wrong and that was enough for me.

Now I am quietly writing down my ramblings in hopes of silencing my brain for a while. I'm done for now... :)

I have days like that, too. Writing helps :)

Wishing you peace --

Tracy

I am seeing an exceeding display of emotion these days, this is very welcome to me in that emotion is not my fortay (spell check kicked this one, apparentlyI am too far off). My under stance is that there is 'feeling' that go along with this, can anybody explain? Sorry I'm an Aspie. Not my choice.

The verbal text is very welcome to me, this I understand. Don't stop now.

You sound like a good person to me....

It's kinda hard to put an exact emotion with today. Some of it is an acceptance, some of it is a realization that I am quickly becoming more and more odd by todays standards.

It really doesn't bother me to be who I am anymore. Being uncomfortable around the "normal" folks makes me realize that I am unique. Sometimes I let it wear on my esteem, then I realize that my dh and kids, who I feel are the most incredible creatures God ever made loves me for me. So why would I want to be anything different?

Lady, I don't know you, but it's clear you have solid "Country style" and inner strength. You will be ok as long as you have compassion for those superfical city girls that have missed what really counts. Glad you and your "sisters" are around to keep my world balanced....Glen

I love reading someone else's ramblings! Many times it says what I feel but can't or don't take the time to write it down or say it. I just don't feel like I belong anywhere except at home.. I work, I am a member of three clubs and have to really make myself attend meetings--I don't really 'hob-nob' well.

It's not the clothes or the hair that bothers me, as much as the way of thinking. Most eat out daily and hate to cook, watch really (IMHO) stupid tv shows, talk about tv/movie stars like they are their neighbors, friends or family, they don't understand that I would rather have a few hens to watch than to watch Brittany Spears/ Anna Nicole Smith(enter any of the idiots here) "news' flashes, they don't understand that I love dirt, water,plants and get excited to see a million earthworms in my soil or to see my honeybees on clover blossums! They don't understand that it's more relaxing and fun in my pjs, in the swing with a glass of sweet tea than dressed in a low cut dress ,w/ a glass of wine, chit-chatting! Let's here more ramblings from the others...Queen Bee

I loved the part about the striped hair and 6-9mon tops. I keep asking my daughter why are people purposely wearing clothes too small. I was waiting for a light to change and a young lady stepped up to the curb. She had on capri hip hugger pants and a little bitty tank top covered with an even littler sweater looking thing. It looked like she machine dried something that was supposed to be dry cleaned. I'm almost 58 yrs old and if someone had dressed like that when I was in school somebody would have volunteered to buy the poor child some clothes that fit. Whats funny is that they would probably have some equally unflattering things to say about my homemade dresses. To each his own I guess.
Blessings
Peggy

Ramble on my friend, I've missed you! :)

Tinetine, I don't know you either, but after reading your 'rambling', I feel as if I do. You hit the nail on the head on several of these issues. I too feel *exactly* the same things you do.

I feel like an anachronism when out in public around all the women with the striped hair, skin tight, belly revealing clothing and perfectly manicured and pedicured nails (IMO, if you take as immaculate care of your toenails as your fingernails, you got a bit too much time on your hands). I see their trendy hairstyles, clothes, and those God awful acrylic nails, and I think "They look so artificial, *no one's* nails are like that." The makeup is always flawless, all the time. They stop to check out their figures, their hair, their lip gloss in their reflections as they pass by store fronts.

Going to the salon has always been awkward for me. Always. I always felt like the ugly duckling, no matter how nice I looked or was dressed. I would never get the blow dry because it meant I had to sit there even longer, so I'd just get a wash and cut and get out asap. I have since learned to long layer my own hair.

I too wear homemade clothing much of the time. It is sturdier, far more servicable, lasts longer and fits me better than any 'Made in Pakistan, Indonesia, Taiwan, India', etc. junk that shrinks up or come apart at the seams after two washings.

I am in exactly the same boat as you are, Tinetine, you're not alone.

Tine Tine, Your post sounds like you had a really good day. Unless you are trying to market your self as underdressed over adorned females appear to be doing I see no stigma in wearing common sense clothing. It doesn't take a spectacular get-up to be a REAL person.

Enjoyed your ramblings...

DD just had a birthday. She didn't want cake or ice cream, she wanted cheese bread from Panera! So that's where they went for lunch - in jeans, boots and barn coats. If you were in the same state, I'm sure you and DW would get along great.

Our feed store is in "Gnaw Bone" - is that a great name or what? I got a Gnaw Bone Feed Store cap for Christmas so now I look more like the locals that have been here forever. And yep, it's great to go in, they know you, and they start ringing up your order for horse feed, dog food and cat chow before the door closes behind you.

I love it that my kids favorite place to shop is Rural King, or the tack shop. Tractor Supply is a bit further and they love that too. On the rare occasions I have to stop at a city mall, I see the teens there - Brittany Spears wannabees - and am so thankful for my girls in muck covered boots and Carharts!

I enjoyed reading your post.

Reading your post makes me grateful for where I live - 45 miles from a Panera bread. Seriously, though, I often take for granted that in the rural part of East TN where we live, I am not "strange" or "extreme" or out-of-place. Many garden; many can their produce; Carhart jackets are the rule rather than the exception; few restaurants come to "dry" counties (which we are); many own a few head of cattle; eating squirrel has been experienced by at least 30% of the population. I have great in-laws, especially my MIL, who thinks I'm a bit odd since I don't do things "like we do it here," but is always willing to admit when one of my "kooky" ideas pans out. I have a terrific husband who doesn't think I'm crazy for stocking up on food, switching from premade to homemade, eats my recipe experiments without (much) complaining, works hard on the farm to take care of our children & animals, isn't threatened by the fact that I have my own mind and ideas, isn't a spendthrift, doesn't go out all hours of the night, worries about being able to support our family on my salary, and can plan ahead, such as seeing the need to plant more corn this spring to feed our animals. My kids are...kids. No, they aren't perfect, but they're mine...

Occasionally, I do feel out of place, but mostly because of my thoughts and ideas, not really because of how I dress (or how DH or kids dress). I'd like to think that I've moved beyond caring about the opinions of those not in my immediate circle of family (and a few friends). That said, the kids and I went to NC to visit my sister, and we all went out to eat Japanese - me, my 3 kids, sister, her DH, her 4 kids, other sister, her DH, and my parents. It felt very odd to be dining as a whole family when most other people there were alone or with 1 child. It made me think about how rich we were even though we weren't dressed to the nines or pushing an Eddie Bauer stroller. Then we walked through the mall, and I just had no desire to pay $40 for jeans or $50 for shoes or wear the itty-bitty tops or be so trendy. I like what I wear - polo-type shirts & khaki pants. I wear it 4 or more days a week, especially when teaching. I was wearing it in the mall and felt underdressed.

I have a good life, and I feel truly blessed by God.

-Joy

We are all unique, thank God!

I don't mind the people who live a different life style than me. If they're happy that way, I'm happy for them.

I hear you, TTG. It's a weird, kind of "displaced" feeling sometimes. I live in a very rural area and belive it or not, I am considered strange by my neighbors! I don't dress like a hooker, don't hang out in the bar every night of the week, don't go to "their" church, or shop at the mall every weekend. I live in my jeans and tshirts and sneakers or boots. (this makes dressing for auditions very challenging!) The people who have seen me in a dress can be counted on one hand! They sure don't complain when they are begging for home made bread tho! Or whatever other new thing my little brain has conceived for my own entertainment. In order to learn alot of the skills I need, I am hanging out with women older than my gramma-no wonder everyone thinks I am weird.

BUT-I am comfortable, happy, challenged and loved. What more could I ask for? Whatever else I need, God will provide. I don't feel the need to compete with these people for public acceptance because I don't live with the public. Where I am accepted as I am is at home with the people who already knew I was nuts anyway-and they still love me. Sometimes, I have to ask myself what is missing in their lives-why they feel the need to advertise what is not for sale and to be the center of negative attention. It's very sad when you think about it. I'm glad my life is full.

Thank you TineTine! I now realize that I am a good ol' boy trapped in a woman's body! It all makes sense now :)

You have made my day.

Tinetine, you are a sweet person, so don't think I'm blasting you - I'm not, and I like you just fine!

But why the need to be so judgmental about other people's choices? It comes across - in quite a few of the posts here - as defensive insecurity.

You are who you are, and that's great! Why waste your time and energy looking around at what everyone else is wearing and making negative judgments about their clothes, their hair and the TV shows they watch? You could just be having fun with your DD! Most people here HATE the idea that someone would be looking at their old shirts and dirty boots and thinking less of them. Why do the same thing?

When you are really and truly comfortable with and confident about who you are, I think the need to put other people down kind of goes away.

Mini-lecture over. Sorry. :o

Great post tinetine :)

Thinking of the other customers in Panera's, who's money is identical to your own by the way, reminded me that there could only be one of two things the other partrons could be thinking of you and yours. If they had mean thoughts, it could only be because they are insecure with themselves; or they could have been thinking, more along the line that they wish they had the courgage you showed to be yourself and not attempt to be a cutout of some fashion industries ideals :) You are the winner in both examples, right? :)

As much as I appreciate, the artistic value of youthful bodies, and an appreciation for the mindset that dares to wear clothing much better suited for people in healthier shape; I often think what a shame it is that the show takes so very much away from the anticipation and surprise of what life has to offer.

Aging is an art I tell you!

Hugs
Marlene

Wasn't meaning to come across judgemental, but it may have. Just my minds ramblings about my comfort level. I probably make them just as uncomfortable because they can't relate to me either. That's ok, we are all individuals with our own feelings and ideas. I'm not sure I will ever be truly 100% comfortable in myself, but I am working at it. I think all of us at one time or another have a hard time grasping why others live their lives the way they do. And it is hard not to measure them against ourselves. All we can do is try, and it's ok to fail. Failing makes you reevaluate your options.

(p.s. you didn't bother me by your post. The more we listen to others thoughts the more we can learn about ourselves)

Thank you for taking it in the spirit in which it was intended!

I think the "skunks on parade" just struck me the wrong way (and no, I don't have the striped hair :p ). I can just imagine how some folks would feel if they thought others were looking at them and thinking, "hicks on parade" or something similar. I don't think (as Marlene suggests in her post) that going out in public is an opportunity to compare youself with everyone else and see who comes out the "winner." Eek! That seems exhausting and really needless to me. If you're living a life you're happy with, then you're winning in the only way that counts, right?

Different things make different people happy. :shrug: We should all be grateful for that; otherwise, everyone would be after ONE homestead, ONE job, ONE husband. :help:

What a sweet considerate thread. You guys are great !

God Bless each one of you.

Dianne

my two bits
 

I have really enjoyed reading your posts this morning. What good people you are! I shouldn't be surprised, should I?

Here are my thoughts - I too find myself stradling that line of "city" and "farmy". I make my own clothes and feel "homemade" often. Because I can't waste what I sew, I wear it even if it doesn't turn out quite like I pictured it. But because I straddle the line of two worlds I have to accept that I meet great people on both sides of the line. Many of those that have to dress just so ( I love the 6-9 mo comparison) don't judge those who don't care to paint their nails, etc. They are good people too. They are quick to give our compliments on my accomplishments, ask me about what I am doing, etc. They are just nice people.

I find that the best way for me to stay on an even keel is to not judge 'them' but think the best of them at all times. THEN, I can more easily believe that they are doing the same in my direction. I like the look of their nails - (clean) while knowing full well they would look ridiculous on my hands, especially while feeding my chickens or weeding! I admire people that can get their hair to do what they want - I haven't had the interest to perfect that. I don't choose to take up my time with the same things that other "girls" seem to like to do. I never have enjoyed 'girl' things. but not all of those not like me - judge me poorly for it.

There is room for all of us with our differing talents and outlooks on life. Aren't we glad we can live in a place where we can choose to be what we want?

Put a smile on that country-kissed face and BE happy. No one can resist that look - and they won't notice your nails.

Callie

I had one of those days the other day too. I occasionally feel awkward but not often. Some people seem to be so bored that they shop just as a way to spend a day. My life is too full for that and for that I am VERY thankful!

I can certainly relate to your feelings! I worked for years in offices and never really had anything in common with most of the women - or a lot of the men. :rolleyes: I remember when "Survivor" first came out, one of my co-workers was yattering on about the previous night's episode. I handed him a quarter. He looked at and asked "what's that for?" I told him to call someone who cared. :p At the time, I didn't even have a television! In line at the grocery store, I look at the tabloids and I don't know who 90% of the people are on the front page - don't care, either. :shrug:

Now we're in a very rural area, they know me by name at the feedmill, I fit right in at TSC. I shop for my clothes at Value Village (great deals! I always find something). DH's car had to be pulled off the road so he's driving my '02 Sunfire, and I'm driving the multi-toned '83 Ford van. I can't remember the last time I paid for a haircut - and I have no nails to speak of. Easier to keep them clean when they're short. Makeup? Never really did wear it much.

Now, some of these kids wearing the ultra-trendy "baby prostitute" fashions and the multi-piercings (ick) are actually very nice kids when you get to know them. I've had some on my bus, no problems with any of them. I do kind of wonder if they'll regret the choices they made a few years down the road - but it is their choice. :cool: