How to convince your significant other?

Pugnacious · #1 05/31/12, 08:39 AM

My wife and I were raised completely different. She was raised in the city and I was raised in the country. Naturally we have some differences. How do I go about convincing her that having a garden is a healthy FUN thing to do. We have had a small garden the last few years and have had at least a couple tomato plants every year since we have been married. This has been a one man project, though. We have plenty of room and we even have a sun room the was built for gardening by the people who lived there before us. I'm thinking about using the sun room for hydroponics since we have long cold winters and it's already June. Anything I plant now would probably freeze before we were able to harvest. How do I convince her that this is worth while? We got alot of food out of our garden last year, which she likes. Her excuse is that she "doesn't have a green thumb". Which is akin to me saying I can't fly a plane. I've never put any effort into it.

Callieslamb · #2 05/31/12, 08:55 AM

Well, my garden is a one-man show and it's 9,000 sq ft. If you want it bigger - do it and don't worry about her. You really can't force people. You might encourage her to spend some time out there by planting some flowers or herbs. Maybe a hoop house would help? If it's that could where you are, you could extend your gardening season without digging up much more dirt.

My DH wouldn't know an onion from a potato. He did buy me a mini-tiller though. I think his participation is just fine.

bajiay · #3 05/31/12, 09:02 AM

My hubby has gotten to where he doesn't want to bother with a garden at all or do anything in the yard period. Said he was forced to do it as a kid, and is tired of it. Doing container gardening this year, as I need raised beds and just don't have the time to build them this year, because I have landscaping to do as well. I need a clone!

It irks me at times that he is getting to be this way, but, we all have things we hate to do. He is a good provider and husband/father. He's been helping a lot more around the place with cooking/chores and such inside, so I am not going to complain too bad.

Sonshine · #4 05/31/12, 09:13 AM

Up until last year I did it all by myself, DH liked the fresh veggies, but didn't know anything about gardening and didn't act like he wanted to know. Then last year I had to have surgery and he brought the garden in by himself. This year he has been doing most of the gardening himself and tending to the goats and chickens. He told me that he really enjoys it. But if you DW isn't interested, then you can't force someone. Maybe eventually she'll get the bug.

imthedude · #5 05/31/12, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Callieslamb

Well, my garden is a one-man show and it's 9,000 sq ft. If you want it bigger - do it and don't worry about her. You really can't force people. You might encourage her to spend some time out there by planting some flowers or herbs. Maybe a hoop house would help? If it's that could where you are, you could extend your gardening season without digging up much more dirt.

My DH wouldn't know an onion from a potato. He did buy me a mini-tiller though. I think his participation is just fine.

this is pretty much it. you can't force someone to like it. you can introduce it to them in hopes of them eventually liking it, but if they don't like it then it'll be up to you. my wife doesn't hate it. she will occasionally help me pull weeds and will help with preservation, but it's "my" garden for the most part and that's cool.

chickenista · #6 05/31/12, 09:36 AM

Yep.. same here.
The garden is mine.
He grew up in the city and knows nothing about gardening, like which is a weed and which is a seedling.
But I happily garden and he does some heavy stuff for me like cutting tree limbs or constructing tomato supports etc...
He gets to enjoy the peppers...

Cliff · #7 05/31/12, 09:37 AM

Thinking the underlying issue here is you wanting to spend money on the hydroponics thing and she doesn't see the value of it. Some of us tend to go overboard on spending when we have a new interest

Why not just have some container plants in the sunroom? And maybe one small hydroponic "experiment."

jwal10 · #8 05/31/12, 09:41 AM

Sweetie grew up in a big city and never gardened. I planted our first garden in/around the yard. We had shady spots and a gazebo near. Once it started growing I would find her out there getting some sun. I didn't push anything, she grew to love it. I always did the heavy work but many times she was right in there helping with things she could do. I have benches around my little garden and yard so she can come out and be with me when she is able....James

Pugnacious · #9 05/31/12, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cliff

Thinking the underlying issue here is you wanting to spend money on the hydroponics thing and she doesn't see the value of it. Some of us tend to go overboard on spending when we have a new interest

Why not just have some container plants in the sunroom? And maybe one small hydroponic "experiment."

Not really. We've done an outside garden that she more or less wants nothing to do with, either. I was hoping the lack of weeding with the hydrponics would be an insentive. I'm not looking to force her. Just ideas for coaxing her. She's not a flower person either. I guess I'll just go about my business and do it myself. haha

imthedude · #10 05/31/12, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jwal10

Sweetie grew up in a big city and never gardened. I planted our first garden in/around the yard. We had shady spots and a gazebo near. Once it started growing I would find her out there getting some sun. I didn't push anything, she grew to love it. I always did the heavy work but many times she was right in there helping with things she could do. I have benches around my little garden and yard so she can come out and be with me when she is able....James

benches nearby are a good idea. that might convince my wife to spend more time out there with me so we can visit while i work.

Cliff · #11 05/31/12, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pugnacious

Not really. We've done an outside garden that she more or less wants nothing to do with, either. I was hoping the lack of weeding with the hydrponics would be an insentive. I'm not looking to force her. Just ideas for coaxing her. She's not a flower person either. I guess I'll just go about my business and do it myself. haha

Ahh ok. Just not her thing I guess.

Raven12 · #12 05/31/12, 08:48 PM

Sometimes you can't. They might humor you for awhile but their interest will die out real quick. You can't change someone.

City Bound · #13 05/31/12, 11:38 PM

I think the question to ask yourself is why you want her to be involved. You can create and maintain a garden by yourself. If you are content going it alone then you will be ok, but if for some emotional of psychological reason you want your wife to be involved or to share your passion then that is when friction and discontent creep in and a person can feel like they are on a totally different planet then their mate.

I can make a garden by myself but for emotonal and psychological reasons I would prefere to create a garden with people I love, the top most of those people being the woman I love.

ChristieAcres · #14 06/01/12, 01:35 AM

When I met my DH, he was already gardening, complete with a green thumb. After we were married, I found out quickly what he was into and not into...

DH enjoys getting it together, the hard work, setting up water systems, insuring everything gets watered, will add compost, but he weeds out of necessity. What he dislikes doing? HARVESTING! That really surprised me. He will go into the garden, pick, and eat fresh fruits/veggies, but is perfectly happy to let others harvest what he grows.

Enter me! I appreciate the break of not doing the hardest work, having him undertake what he likes to do. I plan our garden areas, he will get them ready if necessary, and I plant them. I then take on the responsibility of insuring all get what they need, but he will setup the water systems, usually on timers. Then, I harvest everything without his help, usually. I do most of the preservation, but he does help with that, too.

This year, I have lost my garden buddy to...

AN ONGOING AFFAIR WITH OUR VINTAGE BOAT!

Now, in all seriousness, I am very thrilled about our Boat, as DH has fixed everything and really done a great job on it

However, at some point the rubber meets the road, so to speak...

When it was time to get all our garden areas ready, DH was "with his mistress," while I tackled it all myself. Then, enter my DS, who moved in with us for a few weeks (before he heads to Alaska for the summer). DS helps me with every gardening task I ask him to, without complaint. Okay, here we go...

While we were weeding together, chatting, he looks over at me, his big blue eyes sparkling, and said, "You know, I kind of like this!" Today, he helped me drape bird netting over our Cherry trees. I will lose my "new garden buddy," tomorrow as he is being hired to do some work by his friend's parents. With all DS's help, I didn't feel as overwhelmed, so I am now enjoying working out there again (3,000 sq ft of raised beds, 500 sq ft in-ground, and a 5,000 sq ft orchard). I am working to convert the Orchard to Permaculture.

Advice? Hmmm, let me see. Work in the garden, get a backrub... Then, do something she wants to do, and you get a backrub. You can substitute "backrub" for whatever, but you get the point. In addition, if you enjoy coffee, tea, etc... Set up a nice bistro set in the garden, invite your DW to have a sit down after working in the garden (or during your work). I'd do the baby step routine until your DW realizes she doesn't really have a brown thumb... Also, be sure and tell your DW how much it means to you for her to share your gardening interest, also how incredibly beneficial to you both it is!

I wonder, maybe I should take some of my own advice, coax my DH away from that BOAT

Kazahleenah · #15 06/01/12, 04:55 AM

I till, plant, tend and harvest my garden by myself.
I wouldn't push to try to convince the SO, if you want the garden, and you enjoy it... then have it and enjoy it. Any help you may get is a bonus.

Callieslamb · #16 06/01/12, 05:03 AM

You know- helpers often want to share their opinion eventually. I kind of like not having to discuss what to plant were or how much or what kind.....it's all my baby. What I would like is people that enjoyed eating it with me.

Kazahleenah · #17 06/01/12, 05:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Callieslamb

You know- helpers often want to share their opinion eventually. I kind of like not having to discuss what to plant were or how much or what kind.....it's all my baby. What I would like is people that enjoyed eating it with me.

I hear ya there.
I also like the garden being "my baby".

WhyNot · #18 06/01/12, 06:08 AM

I agree with what most others have said...if you want to do it, as long as there is no big arguments about time or money spent, etc...do it.....either she will eventually get interested or she won't.

If you love gardening, don't cheat yourself by holding back because someone is apathetic towards it, you'll regret it. I know all about that.

Laura Zone 5 · #19 06/01/12, 06:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pugnacious

My wife and I were raised completely different. She was raised in the city and I was raised in the country. Naturally we have some differences. How do I go about convincing her that having a garden is a healthy FUN thing to do

Why do you have to convince her?

Quote:

We have had a small garden the last few years and have had at least a couple tomato plants every year since we have been married. This has been a one man project, though. We have plenty of room and we even have a sun room the was built for gardening by the people who lived there before us. I'm thinking about using the sun room for hydroponics since we have long cold winters and it's already June. Anything I plant now would probably freeze before we were able to harvest. How do I convince her that this is worth while?

Is she upset about the money spent on gardening?
Is she upset that it takes time away from her when you are gardening?
Does she already have something set up in the sun room that if you remove it, it would upset her?

Quote:

We got alot of food out of our garden last year, which she likes. Her excuse is that she "doesn't have a green thumb". Which is akin to me saying I can't fly a plane. I've never put any effort into it.

If she doesn't want to garden, don't make her.
But don't make your garden so big you cannot manage it alone.
She has let you know she is not interested, so don't push it.
This is not a hill anyone wants to die on.

If you are the type that likes to 'dive headlong into a new project / undertaking' then kinda fizzle after a period of time, she may see this as another one of 'those' projects.

Just garden, and enjoy it.

ovendoctor · #20 06/01/12, 07:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pugnacious

My wife and I were raised completely different. She was raised in the city and I was raised in the country. Naturally we have some differences. How do I go about convincing her that having a garden is a healthy FUN thing to do. We have had a small garden the last few years and have had at least a couple tomato plants every year since we have been married. This has been a one man project, though. We have plenty of room and we even have a sun room the was built for gardening by the people who lived there before us. I'm thinking about using the sun room for hydroponics since we have long cold winters and it's already June. Anything I plant now would probably freeze before we were able to harvest. How do I convince her that this is worth while? We got alot of food out of our garden last year, which she likes. Her excuse is that she "doesn't have a green thumb". Which is akin to me saying I can't fly a plane. I've never put any effort into it.

yup ya cant change some one they have to decide for them self[34 years of experience here with 1 wife]
i started messing with Hydroponics 1.5 years ago due to a very serious neck injury and almost expiring along side of a local road in the winter[story for another time]due to down time and the internet I started researching alternative ways to grow tomatoes that will not aggravate the injury
ran onto Hydroponic gardening and figgered out the least expensive way to grow crops and was very success full

http://i1156.photobucket.com/albums/...p/IMGP4950.jpg

the picture tells it all
the tomatoes were grown in out green house

http://i1156.photobucket.com/albums/...r/IMG_0115.jpg

you can do it on the cheap or as expensive as you want
I have lots of link info if any one is interested

any ways my wife is on board now and is looking at flowers to grow year round
we have 200+ tomato plants at this time out side in lay flat bags
wen the weather goes south we will move all the plants inside the basement for the winter and continue growing and harvesting tomatoes,peppers and cucumbers under grow lights

Doc.