Funny and/or unbelievable stories!

OK, how about a cute story?.. Spring blizzard, calving time, Montana. We are riding the pasture looking for new calves. Wind blowing, snowing sideways. We come on a new calf, with momma nearby. She had him bedded down on the lee side of a hill. He was surrounded by a snow drift and completely protected from the weather. I stepped off of my horse to stick my finger in his mouth to see if it was warm (it was). There, curled up and snuggled up with the calf was a tiny little mouse, snug as a bug in a rug.

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Flaming Xtian
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
Mahatma Gandhi


Libertarindependent

What’s this?

It's Greek to me......

__________________
Flaming Xtian
I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
Mahatma Gandhi


Libertarindependent

A farmer is working in his barnyard, cleaning equipment, when an official looking car pulls up. Out pops a gentleman in a suit who walks up to the farmer and says, "Hello. I'm a governmental inspector. I'm here to take a look around." The farmer says, "Suit yourself, but don't go over into that pastue yonder." The government official pulls out his id card and say's "lookee here, I've got this badge that says I can look anywhere I want and you can't stop me." With that, off he goes directly into the afore mentioned pasture. Well, the farmer goes back to work. About 10 minutes later, across the pasture comes the offical, racing as fast as his legs can carry him, followed closely by an angry bull. As he gets nearer, the farmer can hear him yelling, "help! Help!" So the farmer stands up, cups his hands around his mouth and shouts back, "show him yer badge, show him yer badge!"

OK, now for a funny story from this last fall, not cow related so my apologies aforehand. We took our 4-H goats to a pretty little fair we hadn't been to before. This fair had BREEDING pigs to show, not our usual market pigs. Our assigned pens faced the first row of boar pens. As they unloaded one of them into their pens, one of my 4-Hers was watching closely. She turned to me and said, "Geez, that one has a HORRIBLE abscess on its behind!" I about wet my pants laughing! She is 16! Her mom about died laughing, too. It made my day.

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Joan Crandell
Wild Iris Farm
"Fair"- the other 4 letter F word." This epiphany came after almost 10 days straight at our county fair.

Jcran,
You get two
For the first story and three for the second

Here are the 3 “ What is this? That you haven’t gotten yet.
http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/a...nies/pun25.jpg
And
http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/a...nies/pun23.jpg
And
http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/a...nnies/Pun9.jpg

Here is a new one for ya. Rated easy.
http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/a.../Funnies/2.jpg

OT

My Christmas day. ( real story from this morning )

My wife left on Christmas eve and went to our daughters to be with the grand kids on Christmas morning as it was supposed to snow.
I spent Christmas eve home alone with the intent of feeding my animals in the morning and then joining her and family by noon on Christmas day.
Sounds like a plan, alright!

Feed the kids at the house, sweep about 2 in. of snow off my truck and went and got my customer chicken biscuit and coffee and drove my customer 6 miles of cattle checking and roadside fence checking .
All went well. I stopped at the barn and got feed to take to my other kids up at “Green Acres” on the hill.

When I stopped to open the gate and left the door open, I think this is when the ‘F you up fairy” got in.

I stopped inside the gate, fed the horse, and got 3 5 gal. buckets of water to take down to the kids.
( Or maybe this is when the “fairy” got in???? )

Ok I’m back in the truck:
Thought to self: Self, only go to the other side of the water diverter berm ( 6in. high) and stop where it is fairly level ( 2-3 % grade) on the other side and stop and carry the feed and water down the hill ( a 5-6% grade hill) or you will never get back up.
Sounds like a plan.

So I slowly approached the berm, eased my from wheels over it but couldn’t get my rear wheels over it, even in 4 wheel drive.
So I backed up as far as I could and gave her all it had and the back wheels jumped right over that little bump. Thinking I was on level enough ground I started to turn left, apparently I was not and I now believe I had misjudged how slick it really was today in the field.
When the back wheels came over the hump and I applied the brakes to avoid going down the hill any farther and while making a left turn, me and that darn fairy went into a full sideways slide down the 6% hill.

Note to self: At the bottom of this 6% hill is a 12 ft wide old logging road, I don’t think it will stop you, then 5 strands of barb wire, then more 6% grade with lots and lots of trees.
I had visions of sliding all the way down the hill sideways, doing a barrel role across the old road, through the fence and rolling until, if I was lucky, a tree would stop me. I felt that would be too problematic.
Need a new plan.
We are now doing what felt like 30 MPH down the hill sideways but I am sure it was only 5-10.
As plan B was not an option, time for a new plan.
Plan C.
Note to self: Self, see those 6 bales of hay lined up end to end facing up hill just above the logging road.
If you can slow down a little and put the front end into them there will be minimal damage and little chance of injury. Apply the brakes.
Note to self: Mistake,-------------BIG MISTAKE!!
It now felt like we went from 30 mph to 50mph, in 1 second flat.
Plan C was ruled out, especially now that I had a visions of bouncing off the bales and continuing down the hill and had a second vision of the barrel roll vision.
Self: We need a new plan.
Plan D.
OK, try to get her to go across the hill, while sliding down the hill and reach that small raven. Hopefully she will not go to far up the other side and end up going down the hill sideways over there and end up into the barrel roll vision again. DO NOT USE THE BRAKES as that will cause you to go farther down the hill where there are trees in the raven. Accelerate to reach the raven and in an attempt to stay up hill from the trees in the raven.
It now felt like we, me and that *&^%$#@@ fairy, were doing 75mph, but it was probably was more like 20-25 mph.

When it become very obvious that we could not reach the raven in time, Plan D was abandoned and Plan E was implemented.

Plan E : As the trees are “our“, me and that(*&^%$#@!)(*&^%$#@!)(*&^%$#@ fairy, only option now, the only plan I could come up with was to attempt to lower the speed and attempt to line up the right front wheel up with the tree to minimize the body damage.
Utilizing the steering and brakes, I lined her up perfectly.
I will have some pics for you tomorrow,-------------------------- as I will need to take some anyways for my insurance Co.
At first I thought I had soiled my shorts, but it tuned out to be only spilled coffee.

This is why I am here alone on Christmas day talking to you’ll.
Have a happy and wonderful Christmas day!
OT

PS: Thank you fairy, now go visit someone else, please!!!

What’s that you ask?? What did I get for Christmas?
I got some French fried and fish sticks out of the freezer, scraped the snow off them and popped them in the oven.
I now have my Christmas dinner.
OT